My Life is a Bucket of Fail.

I didn't make sabre line yesterday.

I mean, I was at a double disadvantage. For one, I just injured my index finger the day before and was spinning with a bandaged up and hurting finger. That is no fun, because I couldn't get a good grip and I was cramping my hand because I had to hold my finger out. The second disadvantage was that I was sitting out for two months because of my shoulders and during those two months, everyone got to learn weapon technique and tosses and stuff. Well, fat lot of good that did me sitting out.

Oh well. Yeah, it's depressing, but I got over it quickly. At least I made rifle line. And hey, it kinda feels nice to be one of the best flags, the one with all the answers who gets to run reps and make corrections; the one newbs look up to and follow.


And then we have my almost heartbreak. I suck at arguing and defending myself. I know that well. But I didn't know it bothered him so badly because he's a fiery person with a temper and I got exploded at tonight. I had it coming, really, I did. But it just sucked because at the end of the day, I'm only thinking of him. Even though he says he doesn't care, I'm still thinking of him. He might not know it. Or maybe he does. I don't know. All I know is that I made him mad and I can't believe I let myself do that because it's just not right. Not right at all.

But shouldn't love be about embracing what's different and finding a good middle ground? Well, I guess that doesn't even come close to what this was about.

I don't want to lose him. I love that boy so hardcore and I'll do anything so that we can stay together. We said goodnight, he said nothing, but I told him that I loved him.

xx Mars