Hello Seattle

Made it to Seattle! It's awesome here... There's something exceedingly magical about walking though the falling snow at night, under the orange street lights. Since arriving, I've eaten the most amazing pizza ever, huge and tasty fried oysters, yummy Thai, and super yummy burgers. Plus the Harry Potter show at the Science Center was cool... I can't believe that I was standing next to something worn by Alan Rickman... My dreams had come true. Plus I bought a Snape action figure, huzzah!

I haven't had a good dream in weeks, maybe even months. But the one I has last night was so vivid and carried so much emotion that it was almost overwhelming. The ending intrigues me, though. We were standing there laughing and saying bye, but then everything sort of slowed down and froze as I woke up. Something was about to go down... But what?! Dammit, what goes on in my head! Although perhaps the fact that in my dream he arranged an instrumental track of Kamelot's 'Love You To Death' says something. It's a beautiful song <3 My mind is truly a piece of work.

Time to shower and watch Dexter. And paint shoes. Woo hoo! Oh right, and I finally learned how to play Magic! I won my first game with a frighteningly strong angel deck, but lost my second with my new personal elf deck. It's gonna take some practice, but I think I like this! Is it bad that I might like the card art more than the game? :)

xx Cause I'll Love You, I'll Love You To Death Marz

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HELL YEAH I GET FREE LEMONADE

HELL YEAH! So after work I went to Canes and as soon as I walked in, Karl turns to Cedric and goes, "There she is!" We ended up all hanging out for like, 45 minutes... and he totally got me lemonade :) That meant the world to me, knowing that there's a glimmer of old times. Speaking of, he even put his arm around me and called me his when Cedric was on the phone with his mom... I can't begin to describe how amazingly comfortable I was during those two seconds of contact. We brought up the old joke of "You Have To Buy Me Dinner First", which is funny because he did buy me dinner, ha ha. Good times :) Cedirc's an enigma... he's cool, but with a slightly creepy edge. Oh well.

God my leg is so sore. I was limping through work and I got stuck if I bent over because of the tense muscles in my thigh. Bryan suggested heat and rubbing it... I'm too lazy to do either of those, ha ha. Then my back started hurting because I was washing bar glasses. Gross. All in all, a good night at work :) Oh, and they totally played Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear The Reaper" at work. Best song I've ever heard on that radio, coming into a close tie with The Cure's "In Between Days".

xx Narrow Streets And Cobblestones Marz

Biggest Waste Of A Day

Seriously. I woke up at 6:45 in a foul mood... which only proved fouler when I broke mom's mirror while backing out of the garage. Great. So I was without a car today.

School was such a waste. In guard, Scott didn't show up and we napped on the cold floor. In math, we napped and watched Youtube. In art, we sat around and talked and tried to play Mad Libs. Like there was really no use in coming to school today at all... Except to pick up my art project.

Gah. I'm just in an awful mood. My eyes are still swollen and watery, my back is sore, and my pulled muscles are hurting. I'm really lethargic and tired... I just want to lay around and do nothing. Dad's not letting me out tonight, either, because I'll get sick again like last time... whatever. But I think I might possibly be getting sick again... oh no. I just feel like utter crap.

You know, it's amazing how I've created this mask that my friends fail to see though. It's common knowledge that if I'm overly irritable, grouchy, a tad too rude, and withdrawn, they just assume it's my typical morning routine. They can't tell the difference between "just another Marissa mood" and when I'm seriously upset. Same thing with Sims. When I'm feeling particularly sad, depressed, angry, or the like, I usually play Sims because it helps take my mind off things. How is it that no one still has noticed? How many nights have I told Jamie that I'd probably rather stay home and play Sims than do happier things? Why is it that my friends notice things about each other so easily, but when it comes to me, no one says a word?

Just an observation.

xx With Beauty Underneath, The Ever Free Marz

Deathly Hallows Part One

Was FANTASTIC.

Alright, so it's not the most exciting book out of the series (I mean, you can only do so much with 500 pages of camping and bickering), but it got really intense towards the end and it was really emotional. I remember the first and second movies when it was all more of "Let's learn how to get through puberty" and now it's all "Shit, everyone's dying and the world is falling apart and there's no such thing as a sunny sky"! For what the first half of the book was, it was very good. I didn't remember anything except the Hallows... ha ha, so it was like watching the movie without reading the book almost. Damn, it's been a few years since I put down book seven. But I can't wait for part two!

I don't know why, but I felt the need to get a Monster for the movie. It's pretty tasty at first, but it seems like the closer you get to the bottom, the more like ass it seems to taste like. Oh well, maybe I was imagining it. On my way home, I made a pit stop to a very dear friend's house and as I approached his neighborhood, "Like A G6" came on the radio, surely a sign that I was at the right place at the right time. Kind of like how yesterday "Vanilla Twilight" came on. Music...

But OH MY GOD. Auditions were not good. The Courtney dance was... alright. I messed up a few times, but held the group together frequently. The Belief routine was... rushed and slowed by the entire group, so not good there. And my solo... ugh. It was going great, just great, until I got to my Megan spins and I don't know what happened... when I was bringing the flag around to the front of my body, I totally lost grip and it went flying to the ground. I panicked--what the hell?! This has never happened before! Then I got lost in my music... I couldn't tell where to get back in! I missed my favorite part of the song and ended up improvising some work to get back into my final ending toss, which I didn't catch as solidly as I'd have liked. UGH. Now I'm freaking out. I hope my scores didn't suffer... Scott knows I'm a good twirler and that I don't usually drop and when I do, it's just a weird brain fart. He said minus my scary recovery, I had some great musical moments. Too bad he didn't see the really nice musical moments I failed through :/

And so now it's 3:30 AM, and I'm to be out of bed in three hours. I'm not tired at all... Gah, tonight just put me in a bad mood. After auditions, everyone was bitching at me to do their errands... Jamie wanted me to go to her house and get her computer, then she wanted me to stop and get drinks, and then Michael wants goddamn batteries for his goddamn Star Wars toys... WHAT THE HELL?! I'm not errand girl! I'd kind of like to get to the theater before midnight. Ugh. Whatever, tomorrow should be better, I hope. Dad super wants me to work on apps tomorrow... I'm pretty sure since I went to Harry Potter, he's not gonna let me out this weekend. Again, ugh. I kind of wanted to go see my friends :/

Oh, and Happy Birthday again...

xx Take That Bottle To The Head And Let Me See Ya Fly Marz

Enough Of Storytime.

Good story, huh? I never forget important days.

Today was nice. Scott didn't show up again, so we had a solo day. God I'm kind of scared, because I end up rushing my flag work frequently and it causes me to need to improv! It'll be ok, I hope... ha ha, we'll see. I better not drop that goddamn strip toss... I'll cry. Or improv.

Math was easy, took a quiz and then went back to reading my art book. Then off to lunch, and then to art, where Mrs. K made us clean off the whiteboard :( But! She gave us some wallpaper and is going to let us do a mural on it. We decided to do self portraits... in cosplay! I'll probably be Raven, ha ha. Then we had a fire drill... well, apparently it wasn't a drill, but it sure didn't last long. I love being on pep rally schedule, because I got out of school at 1:24 and went shopping :)

I found a sweater for my Hogwarts outfit... damn, it looks great! So legit! All it needs is Anthony's tie and then I'm awesome. The skirt is seriously too short, like to the point where my ass is almost visible. Hot Witch School Girl? Ha ha, gross. I'm gonna put some tights on. I don't dress like a hooker... that's why we keep Jamie around! Then I worked on my solo outfit, which is my garage sale skirt and my holey Sweeney shirt. I cut the neck a bit and with some safety pins, it'll be hot. Accessories include: fishnet tights and gloves, stud belts, and sharp jewelry. I'm such a badass... NOT.

So I talked to Heather about my Karl dilemma. She seemed pretty cool about it and suggested I talk to him so I stop torturing myself. Damn kid works like, everyday, so I don't know when I could talk to him. I'd have to make it super nonchalant... I mean, he was the one that thought it was cool to give me relationship advice (WHAT THE FRAK?! NO!) and his advice was that if you have feelings for someone, good or bad, you need to tell them. So here's a taste of your own medicine, you assie. But I need to slide into the topic and not just dump it. Damn. Sometimes I hate being young and stuck in the throws of young heartache.

xx And Yesterday I Thought Of You Marz

Exactly One Year Ago

A girl was in the band hall with her best friend and boyfriend. It was almost time for winterguard practice, so the two girls started walking towards the gyms, with the boyfriend trailing silently behind. As soon as the group got to the doors to the foyer, the boy stopped his girlfriend and had something to tell her. She told her best friend to go on without her and that she'd catch up. Turning back to the boy, she couldn't brace herself for what was about to happen.

He told her that he didn't want to date anymore. Her world was shattering before her eyes. Laden with her flag bag, backpack, purse, and clothes bag, she stood there silently sobbing as he poured his lack of feelings out to her.

He turned and left her standing there in the corner crying. After a few minutes, she composed herself and walked to the gym. As soon as she walked in, she looked into the eyes of two of her best friends and just lost it. She dropped her bags and cried as they approached her, few words needing to be said. The rest of rehearsal was absolutely dreadful, as were the next few days, and what turned into the next few months.

But this was all what happened one year ago today.

Prince Adam

Is like, the best Disney Prince.

Why? Because he's two princes in one. You get Beast and Adam! Tada! What's probably the best thing about him is that he doesn't have a faggot haircut like everyone else... THIS GUY'S GOT LONG, VOLUMINOUS, FABULOUS GINGER HAIR. I <3 long hair, therefore, he wins. The ginger part is less desirable... ha ha, I joke I joke.

I don't know what's come over me. I'm on this... Disney rush. I whipped out an Esmeralda ink piece yesterday and started on Belle, but the face looks like ass and I kind of... buried it under a stack of papers. It's like I want to quit living this god damned life and go into a simple, animated world.

I've always loved Belle, because I've always felt like I'm just like her. We love to read, we have big brow eyes and brown hair, we're both day dreamers, misunderstood, and followed by creepers. Plus she lived my dream life in the span of an hour and a half, ha ha.

Esmeralda was another favorite... in fact, I dressed up as her as a kid :) She was pretty and caring and... had a big skirt. I loved flowy dresses as a kid, ha ha. I like her now because she's an outcast, but still brave and confident.

Oh my God, don't get me started on Pocahontas. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with her! I still have my Pocahontas cup in the kitchen, and probably my lunchbox! I liked her because she had fabulous hair and sang pretty songs, ha ha. I think I still have a Pocahontas costume, as well. Dammit! Why didn't I ever have a Belle costume?! TIME TO MAKE ONE!

I dunno. I feel like maybe if I draw these heroines, I can release myself. Because lately, I've felt so pent up and the only way I can get it all out is through... art. Blahhhh.

xx Dark Demons Of My Soul, Un Amour Fatal Marz