Thursday, April 26, 2012

Quixotic Again

Well today was rough. After class, I spent all day and night doing sketches of ideas for my final drawing project. I drew some sketches I like, but I can't do them. Naturally. It's just bringing me down. But then I think, something else is bothering me, but I don't know what it is. I'm just in a perpetual apathetic and down mood. So many things going on at once and about to finish. So many meetings and things to take care of. So much money being transferred and spent. I don't have any motivation to draw, design, sew, or even clean my desk. The room is a mess, and I swear my hair is getting even frizzier.

Well, I decided to fix the bad mood by watching Ever After. But... it's not on Netflix anymore. What. It's one of my favorite movies, and its not here to help me. I almost picked The Piano, but ended up chosing Man of La Mancha, which was right next to it.

It's funny, this play/story/musical/novel describes me and my life more so than anything else I can think of. It's been my favorite musical since I was a kid. I could recite the songs AND the dialogue in second grade. Sure I didn't understand what strumpets and whores were, or fully grasp some of the monologues, but I took home with me the idea of the play. And now here I am, a good ten or twelve years older, still believing in it. Plus I know what things are now. And it gives me extreme comfort to know it's ok for me to be crazy and pretend I live in a different world. I wish I had my poster on my wall here to remind me.

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? To surrender dreams - -this may be madness; to seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness! But maddest of all - -to see life as it is and not as it should be."

"Look always forward; in last year's nests there are no birds this year."

"Love not what thou art, only what thou may become."

"I come in a world of iron to make a world of gold."



xx To Try When Your Arms Are Too Weary Marz

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