Well, Prom.

I'm not sure if that was a good prom or a bad one... the night was full of too much fun and too much heartache.

I dunno where to even start. Heather was being a bitch to Victor, then he got all pissy and almost left, I lost Gavin, and then there was the whole ordeal at Ian's. Then everyone's mad at me and making out everywhere I turn and Heather and Gabriel had the audacity to sleep in MY BED and Jamie decided to leave with Connor and sleep at her house and no one but Gavin helped clean up.

Not to mention I drank too much too fast in fits of rage and ended up throwing up and crying and spilling my secrets to Annie and Michael and Silly Mike. It's like I can't focus on the fun stuff because the bad stuff is just too strong in my mind. That and I sort of don't remember the fun stuff... It's like, I was having fun at the dance until the whole Heather-Victor drama and then it wasn't fun anymore. And then when we finally made it back to the house late, I was just in a shitty mood and didn't even want everyone to be there. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything. Of course, Gavin cheered me up when we started the shots.

I think what scared me most was when Victor said that he was scared for me. I don't blame him; if that was me in his shoes, I'd probably be uneasy too. Whatever. It's done and over with now and I lost my goddamned phone somehow. I fell asleep with it under my pillow and when I woke up, it was gone. Awesome.

Gah, I'm just in a bitchy mood today. Everyone is bothering me with their mundane talking and I just wish they'd all leave me alone to sulk and brood. I want to go paint. Or play Sims. I'm glad everyone else on Facebook had a great prom night.

xx She Was A Friend, Stabbed Backs And Broke Plans Marz

It's Prom Day!

Today is the day of my senior prom, my last big call at seniority. Well there's also calling it at the banquets, but still. Either way, I'm awake early on a Saturday morning to start my day... it's like getting ready for a wedding. But less stressful.

Gotta help dad construct our outdoor cabana and then furnish it. Then I gotta clean out bunny's cage and vaccuum up the poop he flung across the room. Then I gotta shower. Then I gotta clean out my car just in case we can't get a limo. Then I gotta get my hurr done. Then I gotta do my nails. Oh shit, I never did smores inventory! Oh well, maybe mom will.

I can't wait to see my flowers and what mom did to them :) I'm so ready to get all glammed up in my white dress and sparkly jewelry and be a damned princess! I think in my mind, I'm going back to that fantasy land that always follows me to San Antonio, that same mindset that glamorizes the dull reality and lets me enjoy my time in another dimmension. Is it a byproduct of synesthesia? Or maybe just an overactive imagination?

Oh God. I hope I'm not crazy. I just like to project myself into a better world...

xx Once She Dreamed Of Romance, Once She Imagined She Lived In A Castle Marz

Castles and Dreams

It always seems those Castles and Dreams
Fade with the morning light...

Oh Blackmore's Night, I love you guys. I just adore Candace's voice... so bold and golden! I had another one of those moments today when I wished I could be as multi-talented as Shelby. Like shoot, the girl can sing and spin and play that bassoon like a boss! I mean, I love my art, but... I want more! It's like the knowledge aspiration on Sims... you just want to know more and more and have skills out the wazoo until it consumes you! I want to sing and play piano and write poems and paint. Mephisto, want my soul?

So I get a note from the counselors saying that I haven't logged onto Econ is six days. Oooooh, six days, big deal! I finished unit four and my class is only seven units long... so what's the big deal? I was given 18 weeks. Don't give me so much time if I only have a little bit of work. So I need to log on every night and make it look like I'm spending a week per unit and not two days. Laaaaame.

Anyways, time to get ready for work and listen to Blackmore's Night <3 SO I SORTA KINDA LIKE FOLK ROCK, GET OVER IT.

xx Solitaire With A Song In Her Heart Marz

Diagnosis

Verbally and mentally fluid, you are refreshing and illuminating to those around you. This is occasionally somewhat discounted by the obvious pleasure that you take in exercising your mental acuity. Although generally peaceful you can often take a verbally aggressive tact in relations with the world, which can often be misunderstood by those around you. Innovative in the extreme, you can often think yourself right out of the correct answer to a given problem. Many times you are referred to as your own worst enemy. You tire very quickly of routine and so make poor clerks or administrative help. You also have no respect for authority and little patience for those you regard as inferior, most especially those in charge. Experimentation is your watchword and can occasionally lead to experience for its own sake and shallow decadence. Your thought can sometimes be scattered and disconnected.

Oh No...

It's Sunday and you know what that means. A long night of David Tutera and being a goddamned girl... shit, I'm making it my goal to be on his show someday! He is truly a god.

I'm feeling all sorts of things tonight. Annoyed, stressed, panicked, relieved, envious, pissed, exhausted, and contemplative. Seriously, ever since going on birth control, I've been so damn moody and generally sad. No wonder women are afraid to take it. It's totally muffed me up... it probably also doesn't help that I'm putting off the off week for another month thanks to GODDAMNED PROM.

Hormones: the ultimate evolution fail.

Oh well. I'll spend my night watching wedding shows until my eyes bleed taffeta and fondant. I'm SUCH A DAMN GIRL. FUHHHHH.

xx So God Put Down Your Gun, Can't You See We're Dead Marz

Upon Waking Up This Morning

I got on Facebook and saw that Leigh's engaged?! WHAT THE HELL. First thing I did was text her and do the whole, "What up, spill." thing. Well damn... that was one of the craziest things I've ever woken up to, not gonna lie. Good for them, though!

Anyways, then I went to work and after a slow slow slow lunch, Victor took me to another On The Border so we could get some guacamole and food. I went for the guac, oh my God, I love guac. I'm an addict for sure. And we had a little heart to heart as far as work ethic goes... He wants to be employee of the month so bad and my managers keep hinting that they want me to be it, too. Looks like we both gotta step it up and work hard!

And now I'm sitting here doing my homework, which is to write a sonnet themed around a surreal motif we discussed in class. Since I can only remember one motif, looks like my sonnet is about death :P It's harder than I thought, because you have to pay attention to the syllables and rhyme scheme and imagery and stanza theme and gah, there's just so much to consider for it to be correct. It's a depressing sonnet, not gonna lie :P I read a lot of Shakespeare's love sonnets, though, and those are really sweet. Once you analyze them a bit and understand what he's saying, they're wonderful pieces of art.

Speaking of art, I need to get my ass in gear and finish the bloody girl painting. And the graveyard painting. SO MUCH ART. I want to go shopping for more art supplies :( Oh, and my hair is atomic purple right now... I wonder how Sealy will take it tomorrow. Ironic how last week I wrote on my senior bio "Advice: Sealy does not like purple hair".

xx Always Dangerous, She Got Me Down On My Knees Marz

Onatra?!

I logged onto dA and this band called Onatra sent me a note saying to check them out cause they're symphonic metal... and I did listen to them and wow, I'm in love! I love the mix of their sounds, pretty haunting but rocks enough in the sense that symphonic metal should rock. And they faved a piece from me, that's cool :) And then I found this picture...


Emppu + Marco... Oh gosh. Marco looks too happy... Emppu questions the advance... but secretly welcomes it. My two boys <3 Emppu makes purple look GOOD AND MANLY.

xx Kiss While Your Lips Are Still Red Marz