Tonight was just peachy. Mom comes upstairs to feed Lita and looks over my shoulder at my shit painting I did earlier. "That's really good. I like it."
WHAT. YOU HAVE *NEVER* SAID THAT TO ME.
So... all those other paintings I spent nights and nights on, pouring my very soul into the paint, and making something truly unique were just reasons for her to display her disgust for my work. Cool. And now they're all fighting again and it's not my business, but she makes it sound like it should be. Should I be more involved? Should I be saying things? I don't know what it is, she just chokes out her problems and I can't say anything. Words just don't come to me and I'm frozen. It's bizarre, I just can't make words.
Do I really have anxiety problems? Shaky hands, nausea, feverish, panic... oh it happens all right. Mostly at work, but you know, now that I think of it, I see it at home, too. When they fight, I get a little panicked. It just doesn't fit me, though. I'm a calm person, known for my chill personality and mellowness. Easy going and flexible and in good spirits. So why am I so anxious? Stress causes anxiety, and stress causes ulcers. I really don't want either, but there's nothing I can do for another month. Oh wait, nevermind, because once school starts I'll get all crazy stressed, I'm sure.
Why can't I win? Why does this have to be so difficult?
xx I'm Out Of Tears Marz
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