You Know What?

I was having such a nice week with my best friend. I had such a nice day with her mom. And I knew that I'd come home to an awkward family dinner. But you know what? I'm so sick of coming home to that. I'm so sick of this home life, this awful, harsh home life, and so ready to have my own space. Even though it's a tiny little shit box, it'll be my little shit box with no arguing, no yelling, no slamming, no dumb parents who are too immature to deal with their problems.

I just want to eat. I'm not hungry, but I want to eat so bad. I want Moolenium ice cream. I want cold tomatoes covered in salt. I want pickles. I want the strongest vinaigrette dressing out there. I want mild pepperoncini. I want kalamata olives. I want salsa from work. I just want to eat it all so bad.

Oh I know I have an oral fixation. I chewed on my bunnies' arms up until I was twelve and watched mom sew them back together so I could chew them again. I bit my nails, and occasionally do it now when I get nervous. I pop mints like crazy. I used to chew on my Barbies' shoes to get them to fit their feet, but found that chewing the shoes was equally rewarding. Food gives me gratification and you know what? The oral stage is the first stage of psychosexual growth and Jesus, I'm stuck in the first stage. No wonder. Stop making fun of me Jamie, you don't understand me.

xx I Want To Love By The Blue Lagoon Marz