Depressed Again/I Wonder

So at dinner I told my dad about the break up. And he reacted with a supportive attitude and I told him not to worry. That I'm alright.

But I'm not.

Every time my phone beeps, I hope it's him. I jump to check it only to see it's one of three people that aren't him. Then I get sad. He's not on Facebook... I'm not a stalker, I just notice these things. I wonder what he's doing on a Friday night. The nights we both looked so forward to. I wonder if he's out living life better than before, now that the ball and chain is gone. I wonder if he's having fun, enjoying life, looking at other girls.

Or maybe he's sad, too. He should be... I mean, 16 months with someone tends to collect some feelings. But he doesn't want me totally back. I can't wait for the day when he does, though. Because I'll still be here. I don't even want to date again, not until him. He's the only one I want.

I wonder if he regrets anything. Things we did, things we didn't, things we said. I sure don't. But I'm so terribly lonely. I miss texting him into the late hours of the night. Phone calls at 3 AM. Those were nice. Now I'm utterly alone. I don't want to text my friends because that's just not satisfying. I just want to text him.

I wonder if he feels the same. Is he texting all of his friends, or no one at all? Does he miss talking to me like I miss talking to him? When we do start talking again, will it be like it used to be, only without the "I Love You"s and constant smilies? Will we be so personal or be vague?

I don't know. I just hate this. I have a long week to think about nothing but him.

xx Heart-aching Marz