I can't believe this. Tomorrow would have been 16 long months together. The day after that would have been his birthday. I had a big ol surprise planned out. Not anymore.
He dumped me. Cause of the fighting. I told him I'd stop, that I'd change (Because he's too stubborn to.). I hoped he'd take that, but he stuck to his philosophy that two people shouldn't change just to be together.
I've liked this kid ever since 7th grade. And now we're in 11th. He was my first guy friend and the first guy who I felt close to. The first guy I ever really liked. Really loved. I know, high school kids don't know love, but dammit, yes I do. He was everything to me. He saw me when no one else did and was always there to talk to.
I was so hoping when he pulled me off to the corner, he would tell me how much he loved me and that we'd make it though it all. But no. None of that. Burdened by 5 heavy bags, he broke up with me with people all around. I couldn't look at him in the eyes. I could only look down at his shirt. I used to love it, but now it spawns only sadness and heartache.
I don't know what's up. I'm either distracted and content or bawling my eyes out. How long will this last? Will I ever stop liking him? Will I move on? Can we be together again? I just want him back. That's all I want. I can't bear to look at his picture on my phone next to his name because it's my favorite picture of him and he looks so good, so mysterious but soft spoken. I adore it so much, but the sight of it makes me cry.
You would have loved this
You always loved this
I know you loved this time of year
And though I understand
One day again I'll see you
I long to touch your hand,
hear your voice, feel you
It's a song called "You Would Have Loved This" by Tarja. It's about missing someone at Christmas. But it's the only song in my heart now.
xx Heartbroken Marz
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