On The Third Day

We spoke.

I've had this planned since yesterday. Everything I wanted to say. So today I finally sucked up enough courage to talk to him. Well I didn't really have much of a choice, because we kind of ran into each other. Maybe by fate?

I dunno. I feel really liberated after talking. Like, it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I feel like I did alright. And I didn't even come close to crying.

I guess what he wants is fair. To just be friends right now. I think I wanted to die when he said he'd been kind of pulling away lately... that really hurt. God. I can't not like him. I don't know life without not liking him. It's been so many years that I don't know when I'll move on.

I can't really recall what it was like before we were dating. How often did we talk? On AIM? Over texting? I remember distinct conversations word for word. I have them all memorized in my heart. Really dumb ones, but memorable.

Once he said he was about to kill himself (Jokingly) because no one else was on and I was there to save him. And then when he was pouring his heart out about Brittany. And then I was playing with Legos, he said we'd paint a picture with our blood. And I remember when we first started the whole joke of having kids together and how awesome they'd be. Such good, innocent times.

Maybe we need the time apart. Maybe it'll strengthen us. I hope so, because I just want him back. Him always and forever.

I've seen your face a thousand times
Have all your stories memorized
I've kissed your lips a million ways
But I still love to have you around

I've held you too many times to count
I think I know you inside out
And we're together most days
But I still love to have you around

And you're the one I want and it's not just a phase
And you're the one I trust, our love is the real thing

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we spend time

You're a salty water, ocean wave
You knock me down, you kiss my face
I know the storms will always come
But I still love to have you around

Heavens knows what will come next
So emotional, you're so complex
A rollercoaster, built to crash
But I still love to have you around

You're the one I want and it's not just a phase
You're the one I trust, our love is the real thing

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we spend time (it's only you and I)

It's you there when I close my eyes
And you in the morning
I never thought you'd still be mine
Or I'd really need to have you around

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I need you, you're my love supply

"The Real Thing" by Gwen Stefani

xx Empty Hearted Marz