As I was driving up on the ramp that took me from 635 to the Tollway, I got to thinking again. Thinking and linking things together and digging deep into things that not ought to be dug up.
I realized no one was going to be there for me on Saturday.
Winterguard championships.
My last show ever.
My time to be recognized as a senior in front of everyone.
Every time we walked onto the floor to begin setting our equipment, the Hebron moms would all sit in one spot and cheer us like crazy. I looked up to see them every time: Jamie's mom, Heather's mom, Harri's mom, Sarah's mom, Mrs. Cyr, and sometimes a few other moms. But never my parents.
I guess it didn't bother me too much during the last few shows, but it would have been nice to have my parents come up and congratulate me on a good show afterwards. Sure it hurt a little bit, knowing mom was at work or just sitting around at home and dad was probably off with his girlfriend, but I just kind of acted like it didn't matter.
Well now it does. This is my last chance to perform, and after this show I'll probably never find myself in the performing arts ever again, performing in front of an audience and being judged. Never. This is championships. At retreat, the announcer will call out the names of all the seniors, and no one will be there to hear my name and care.
Mom's gonna be in Philadelphia at my cousin's wedding. Dad will be who knows where, but winterguard isn't really his thing so he won't go. Why make him go to something boring and dull and alone? What's he gonna do, sit with the moms? As if. Maybe he'd bring his girlfriend.
I know I bitch a lot about how much I wish I was gone and away from my parents, but in my last few months with them, I thought maybe they'd support me during my final events. I wish I had someone, anyone, there.
xx The World Has Forsaken My Girl Marz
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