So Guard Is Over Forever

Yep. Last night was championships, and let me tell you. It was a shit sandwich. Everyone dropped something, and I managed to almost drop Sarah's ladder toss and ended up hitting the ladder really hard. Then I lost control of my flag after the little flag feature and just never truly recovered. Lolsauce, and we forgot the brass ring at school, ha ha ending fail.

It was just a bad night. I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't even enjoy being happy that guard was done with. I haven't had a show like that since sophomore year... It was embarassing.

Oh, and dad didn't show up. Apparently he didn't realize that the word "championships" is equivalent to "hey this is the last show of the season". Next time I'll paint him a picture. Mom didn't understand either. So yeah, the fact that everyone else's parents and brothers and boyfriends and friends and loved ones were there to come watch and support was really damn great.

It's fine. I'm used to it. I can't believe I broke down on the bus, though. I'm at the point where I don't know why I'm crying every night. I just don't know how to cope with anything anymore. I wish my friends didn't have to see that. I wish no one has to see it. It makes me too weak and fragile. I try and come off as tough, stable, and strong, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. I just don't know what to do.

Xx She Didn't Give A Fuck, No, She Had Given Up Marz

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