What Is Beauty?

I was holding the door open for a lady and she stopped and looked at me. After a few seconds, she kept going on and on about how adorable and cute and goregous I was. She told me to be careful, and that a lot of guys would try to take advantage of me. Then she told me that I had beautiful teeth and that it's an important piece of beauty because her friend with her was once a beautiful model, but lost her teeth and lost her career.

Last week, a man at the bar called me beautiful and a man leaving said "Bye skinny!". It's werid... I don't do well with those kinds of compliments. It's just that modest part of me. I dunno. I never thought of myself that way... I was always the one that felt like I was living in the shadows of other girls. I dunno, looks never really mattered. I don't care if you don't like my makeup or my ripped up black jeans or how I color my hair.

So maybe I am attractive on the outside. What is ugly is what's on the inside, to be honest. I know I'm an ass to people, overly blunt, moderately rude and snarky, and a bit of a bitch sometimes. I say it like it is and don't have time for idiots and immature people. I know I'm a bad person sometimes. I know I'm a sad person sometimes. But I can't help it.

I don't know where I'm going with this... I keep turning it over in my mind, brooding and brooding. Sometimes I wish I didn't think so much about things. I think too deep, too much, too often.

On a side note, I dreamed about Taylor and Kryzzzzz. In the same dream. I'm still mildly weirded out that he moved to England of all places... I wish we still talked. I just feel so bad at how I ended things and ruined everything. I ruined a friendship and a relationship. I just hate how angry I was at the time and if I could, I would take everything back and go back to that strange, but comfortable friendship. I'm sorry I hurt you.

xx Thou Shalt Die Marz