Goddammit.

I just sat down at the computer and cried; just another night of dad bringing me to tears.

I don't think he understands just how much stress I've been under this week
to finish government
to not fail math
to put together my portfolio
to edit my final exam video for art
to put up with 6 hours of guard bullshit
to work long shifts at work
to impress my managers
to not screw up serving
to learn all the food, alcohol, and protocol for the restaurant
to paint the guard floor
to freehand a giant ass heart on the floor with tape and figure out how to cut a tarp to fit it.

Shit. It's just been a long week, with so much going on back to back... I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep and end up falling asleep standing up. I've had to cancel on two outings with friends because dad's being an asshole. I know I have to write this letter, but I honestly can't tonight.

He never lets me talk. When I do say anything, he takes it as a personal attack and screams at me. Then he ends the conversations when he wants to and never lets me finish or say what I want/need to. He doesn't know me. He's kept me silent for so long, it's no wonder I don't like speaking around him. I want to be treated as an equal. I'm not some kid he can chastise. I'm almost a goddamn adult!

So now I'm sitting here with mascara and eyeshadow streamed down my face in disgusting jagged lines, like black lightning spewing from red holes in my face. Although I just had a huge steak and dinner, I'm stuffing my face with chocolate covered granola bars because I'm needing to eat my emotions and goddammit, I'm a woman and I like chocolate.

Stress. I'm so stressed out that I'm in tears. And he doesn't understand.

xx Drinking Scorn Like Water Cascading With My Tears Marz