Don't You Cry

So I crashed this afternoon and woke up before dinner feeling groggy and out of it. I woke up to an email from my economics teacher saying a lot of us were super behind and that we should be on unit 3 by now... and I'm still on 1. My fault, really, for blowing a lot of my PM off time on dumb things like shopping instead of working more diligently. So I got that shit to deal with.

Then there's my SAT scores. It finally sunk in that I got a 1640. Slightly above average. That's it... slightly above average. I guess I'm disappointed in myself, really. I did better than Jamie, but that's not saying much since I typically score higher than her on everything. I dunno, I'm just kinda bummed since it's nothing all that great. I mean, it's good, but I thought I could do a bit better. I know I'm no genius and wasn't expecting a 2400, but still...

Willie expects too much of me, I think. Our flag line consists of me as the only senior, a junior, a sophomore, and four freshmen. He (and the other flags) expect me to know all the flag work and while I'm pretty good at picking up work fast, I'm not Superman. Willie was cramming so much work and drill down our throats that yeah, it all started to blend together in my head and yeah, I faltered and drew blanks. I understand freshmen not knowing anything and that's fine, but Megan is an idiot and should be a bit more focused as a sophomore. At least Kelsey picks up fine... but she's been absent and so we must play catch up with her.

And then there's work... I've been spending so much of my free time working this past week at the flower shop and while that'll be a nice little paycheck, it's still not enough. Victor's manager wants me to come in and interview for hostessing, but I'm not sure if I can deal with the crazy hours in combination with my schedule as is. Plus he'd probably want me to quit Fish which I'm not totally opposed to, except that I need to be sure I have a job at OTB before I considered it. Better pay and more hours... is it worth it?

Not to mention all these projects I have in school and the whole Sarah bullshit... and the fact that dad still won't let me go to A-Kon is just really bringing me down.

I dunno. I'm just at that breaking point, that overworked and mentally dead phase. Everyone expects so much of me and bitches when I fail but you know what? I'm only one person and I can't do everything. I'm physically beat up from hours of practice and little sleep, internally miserable from living off of energy drinks and practically not eating at all this week, and mentally tired from everyone's bullshit. I need a vacation.

xx Sing With My Soul Before I Get Old Cause There May Be No Tomorrow Marz

xx