The reason I was being so awful in the end was because I was tired of not having what everyone else had. I was so jealous of everyone getting all the things I wanted with their boyfriends.
They wore their boy's jackets. Their boys drove them to school. Their boys set aside specific time for them. Their boys called them beautiful, cute, amazing, pretty. Their boys made a point to show up and spend time with them.
That's all I wanted: attention. Just telling me you love me everyday just isn't enough. The only times I remember you looking into my eyes and calling me pretty was at banquet, at homecoming, and on the double date. I didn't realize that I was only strikingly pretty when I was in a nice dress. Tell me I look nice when I show up in a nice shirt. Come see me in the morning after you get settled in. Show up randomly on my front porch with a smile and a daisy. When we're walking together, please talk to me, because I don't see you all day. Maybe come spend some free time with me when we're at band competitions. Maybe sit with me in the stands. Insist that I wear your jacket and keep it for a few days. Offer to take me to school. SURPRISE ME. When I'm in a really bad mood at my Halloween party, don't just get all offended when I snap at you. Maybe you should ask me what's wrong.
Just take some blame, that's all. You always made me out to be the one with all the problems. I know I share the blame, because I was just getting whiny and catty. But that's because I was feeling less and less from you.
I love you no matter what. Even if you're a dumb boy that needs to learn a thing or two about how to treat a girl, I'm patient and willing to handle you. People ask me, "Why do you want him back? He's awful." Well, maybe to you he is, but to me, he's the sweetest thing out there. He makes me laugh because I'm not funny. He's really smart and logical where I'm just lofty and imaginative. He's tough, blunt, and beastly, where I'm quiet, gentle, and sweet. We just work. Not to mention he's the only boy who can catch my eye. He's the best looking guy I've ever come across. I just love everything about him... the way I feel so warm when he hugs and holds me, how amazing he smelled, and that look he would make when we were alone together. The lights would be dim and he's stare at me with relaxed eyes and a slight smile that just melts my heart.
And he saw me when no one else did. I've never really had any guys friends... except for him. He was the reason I got into texting, he was the reason I got a Facebook, Twitter, and began blogging. I owe so much of my life to him. He's shaped the world I live in. We always text on Christmas Eve... Perhaps it's ironic that I adore Tarja's "You Would Have Loved This".
He's the only one for me. I hate when people tell me "You'll find someone better." or "He's not the only guy out there." Well you know what? 16 months with him has made him the only guy for me and the only one I want.
xx Sad, But Hopeful Marz
No comments:
Post a Comment