is a song I hate to love and love to hate.
Gah, it's so pretty and the lyrics are adorable, but listening to it is so depressing. It's probably one of the cutest love songs out there and man, it brings me down so hardcore.
I was sad a lot today. I went to the doctor again and he told me that my shoulders still suck and to come see him in a month. Alright... I'm so sick of the hospital. Bah. I'm there three days a week. That's just too long. I hope my shoulders are getting better... I refuse to miss out on my senior marching show.
Speaking of marching shows, I was looking at pictures from Watched band camp. So dorky! I love the few ones I'm in... I'm just livin' my life. Ha ha. So happy spinning. Heather had long hair! It was such a strange sight... Sarah had long hair too, but that's because she cuts it after BOA. I saw pictures of Julie and Carmen and got really sad ): I miss them. I guess Carmen can't call me Dumpywife anymore... that's depressing. Anthony looked skinnier/muscular and dang, Lisa looked super gangly and thin. All of the freshmen did... tiny jerks. I miss band camp where we actually get to be with the band. Sorry Scott, but I don't like your separation.
Today was one of those weird days where I felt confident and I talked to people. In algebra, I actually made a joke with the teacher and talked to another girl. So unnatural! And we got a new boy in that class. He's got a sad disposition... his eyebrows kind of arch up in a timid expression. I don't know what he's like, because he sits on the other side of the room. Oh well. Chris and I locked eyes for the first time in a while. So icy and cold. They're beautiful eyes, but made of frost.
I've started to notice people's eyes... how differently shaped they are. Big eyes, narrow eyes, eyes far apart, eyes close together, long lashed or not. I dunno, it's become a bit of a hobby. It's strange...
And I'm getting sicker. My throat feels like it's on fire and I can feel the sniffles coming. I went out and bought vitamin C pills and I plan on living off of those for the next few days. This kind of sick just makes me so tired and weak. I crawl into bed and start a bracelet, but end up falling asleep quickly.
My bed...
God damn! I hate you so much right now. I can't believe it, but bi-polar is back. Like... UGHHH. I just want to scream! I was so right when school started...I knew fate didn't care for me that much. BAHH. I'm sorry for this, but I'm just so sad and a bit mad at life. I flipped through my Empathica notebook and saw little notes I scribbled about you. I almost erased them, but couldn't bear to do it. One day, when I'm famous, I'll sell that notebook with all of my heart and mind's work in it and some lucky person will read my notes about people on my mind and ask WTF?
xx When I Think Of You, I Don't Feel So Alone Marz
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