Throatly Mucus, So Tantalizing A Glob...

Bah, I'm getting sick.

I knew it from the moment I woke up that I'd be in for a rough day. Sore throat since 6 AM and now I'm coughing up this nasty slime and my voice is about to go. Awesome possum!

So I've kind of realized that I'm a really independent person. For some reason, I like being free. I feel that I could be easily happy being loveless. Should I follow in the words of HIM (Baby, Don't Close Your Heart) or follow The Rasmus (Just Promise To Keep Your Heart Broken)? It's not that I'm closing my heart, I'm just sort of waiting for my paths to cross with that someone out there. Sure, all of my friends have boyfriends, but that's fine. I love the feeling of being loved (Who doesn't?), but I'm fine on my own, too. Like the idea of being dateless to prom is cool with me. It's whatevs... emo, but fine. I can deal.

In psychology, we had to describe our ideal mate in 5 terms. I went first, so I didn't have much to go off of, but my list is pretty unique.

- Longish and/or flippy hair. I like long hair...
- Knows how to treat a girl and not act like a douchebag
- Interested in unique hobbies like camping or growing coral
- Not a genius. Smart is fine, but I don't want someone who will argue with me about everything. I hate arguing above all things.
- Someone exciting, but knows how to mellow out. I need someone to balance me, but still connect, too.

It's a pretty vague list. I dunno, we'll see. I wish I had a way to meet people... Ha ha, maybe I'll flirt at A-Kon. There are some cute boys there, and when you're walking around in Raven, Poison Ivy, and a short white dress that's all boobalicious, someone's bound to look at you. Just saying. Ha ha, HENTAI FEST! One more year, man. Just one more year and we are so going.

Time to go... paint.

xx The Day Reveals The Dreadful Betrayal And Its Wicked Mind Marz

This War Is On

This is it >:)

xx Sweet Revenge For All The Things You've Done To Me Marz

Aww, Anette :(

Anette won't be doing her solo album after all... that's such a shame, since I was so looking forward to it. I love her voice and performance personality so much! But she said that Tuomas has some music going and they'll start working on the new Nightwish album this summer :) Woo hoo!

I FrostWired two new albums tonight. First one is 'Black Roses' by The Rasmus, which is pretty good so far, but a bit heavier than the others. And this is the newest album, not counting 'Best of 2001-2009', so I was mildly surprised. Oh well. The second is actually kind of fun. Last week I bought 'The Black Halo' by Kamelot off of iTunes, and it turns out that it's the second part to the previous album 'Epica'. So I went off to FrostWire 'Epica' and I can't find a few tracks... but they're just interludes, so it's nothing big. Apparently, the two albums somewhat tell Goethe's 'Faust' story with a slightly different and much more melancholy twist. Well, 'Faust' is a tragedy, but still. It's so cool to know that one of my favorite plays inspired an awesome band :)

What else... My 'Layers' project is in the library now. I really do need to start naming my work... Fun fact: On the second layer (the head/body) I wrote "Lost + Waiting 4 You" underneath where I glued the top layer on. If I named that one, I'd probably call it... "Angelus Moeror". It means "Angel Grief" in Latin! Clever :D

Tomorrow I'm going running to blow off some steam. I'm sick of stupid people getting in my way and bringing me down. Not anymore!

xx Heal My Scars And Change The Stars Marz

And So Hebron Is Back...

For the first time since 2006, we finally made finals at Austin Regional. Hebron is back and fantastic! We scored a 76.1 in prelims, which put us at 8th out of 32, and then we scored 78.6 in finals, which landed us in 8th again, but hey, we scored higher. It was such a fun trip, from waking up at 4:30 AM to getting the janky floor out of the bus so we could go home. I'm super tired and I sure don't feel like typing everything, but highlights include:

- @ School by 5:30 AM, bus didn't show up til 7 AM
- Charter buses have tables?!
- Ghetto school with chalkboards
- Spending lots of time with Mrs. Cyr and Mr. Daffinee
- Being the carthorse
- Cristina's glowstick gun
- The hallway in the hotel smelled like marijuana... best part was Mr. Daffinee, "We all know that that smells like..." BAHAAHAHAHAAA! Someone was smoking it up in one of the rooms.
- Last juniors sitting with the moms and directors
- Bride and groom with beer at the hotel
- Best of 'I Love The '90s'
- Stuffing Twilight candy under Scott's door
- Ditching my freshman room to sleep with my friends
- Golden Corral adventures

Ha ha, it was a fun trip. Time to go finish my homework and paint my angel's hand and grave...

xx I Was A Liar In Every Debate, I Rule The Forces That Fueled Your Hate Marz

Long Short Week

For some reason, even though this week is short, it feels way too long. Bahhh. Today was a typical day... weird video in psych. I didn't get as far as I'd have liked to on my art project. Moderately difficult physics test. Group work in English. Man, Jamie and I suck at getting stuff done. We are so ADD and unfocused.

So at 6 I went to get my hair colored. Somehow, it took an hour to decide what to do with my head... then I got bleached, set, washed, blow dried, dyed, set, heat set, washed, and blow dried again. Took 4 hours to dye my hair purple with red chunks. It looks amazing, though, and I feel like a million bucks. I feel stylish and badass at the same time! So tomorrow we'll dress in Primeval. Man, my motorcycle jacket would look fab with it, but I already wore it this week...

I listened to some Fun on Heather's iPhone... I really like them :) I'll Frost 'em later... for now, sleep.

xx Far Longer Than Forever, As Constant As A Star Marz

Fine, Two Can Play At That Game

Ha ha, funny story. I told my friends that I'd give up being mean for Lent. They all just looked at me and laughed... Nah, I'm not doing Lent. I'm not one for religion. But I did get TONS of complements on my jacket today :) I felt really pretty and confident! And my hair looked great, too. It was worth the burn on my face! I wish the burn was on a cooler part of my face... battle scars, man.

And poop! I can't room with my friends in Austin! I'm sleeping in Lisa's room... well, it's just to sleep. I'll sneak over to my friends' room and hang out there for a bit, until I get kicked out by a mom. Ha ha, I'm such a rebel. It'll be fun, regardless. Sarah's my bus buddy :) I wonder who my bus buddy will be for San Antonio? LAST TRIP! Oh man, so sad.

And after school, Sarah and I went to see Mrs. Friend and we talked about funny ice stories, snow, English humor, dumb freshmen, and more. She's an awesome teacher! I like her way more than Edwards...

Freaking A! So Waida sent sArah a mean message and she forwarded it to me. At the very same time, he sent me a message that said "Hey" and I just lashed out at him. You do NOT talk to my friends like that. Mess with my friends, and you're messing with me. I'll go apeshit crazy on your ass for my girls. I flat out told him to stay away from me if he knows what's good for himself. I promise, I'll scratch off anyone's face who gets in my way.

I've toughened up a lot. I'm willing to take a stand for myself and fight for what I believe in because being a pushover has only gotten me in trouble in the past. Well now I'm here to voice my opinion and fight back. Maybe I've been too nice of a person my whole life. Maybe it's time to be a little bitchy and start acting like a girl for once.

xx You Shine So Bright, You Are The Star That's In My Sky Marz

One Night She Was 15

And she already knew she was gonna die.

Sounds like a cool way to start a book, but it's lyrics from "Love You To Death" by Kamelot. Man, I want to write a book. I have one fab idea, but I can't get it on paper. COME ON, EMPATHICA! But the book I'm reading now (and it's absolutely magnificent and romantic and dark and delish) is giving me the same feeling that Empathica is giving me. In 'Fallen', mysterious things happen and all of the sudden, the last third of the book is like a slam of supernatural, angels, shadows, love, murder, and all sorts of crazy things. I'm afraid Empathica might turn into something like that... Gah!

I'll deal with that later. In the meantime, I have to go read 'The Scarlet Letter'. It's not a bad book, but the style of it is very dull and hard to decipher sometimes. Blahh. And Sarah is totally right... we do wear grey jeans on the same day. GROSSSSSSSS.

Ok, I can't decide if I should do purple on top and red underneath, or purple with red tips... I want mostly purple with little hints of red. Thing is, since I'm getting it done this week, I'll fade by the time prom rolls around, so I'll have to get it done in time for that. Oh hair color :) If I could, I'd do fun and bright colors! Like that sunset I want... :P

xx Cause I'll Love You To Death Marz

'Neath The Halo Of A Street Lamp...

I turned my collar to the cold and damp... THIS IS THE SOUND OF SILENCE!

Gouda song! I finally added a handful of techno and trance to my phone... some pop, too, a touch of oldies, and that's all. Yay music. I bought a new album today, an older Kamelot album called 'The Black Halo'. It's not bad so far, but I still need to listen to it a bit before I make full judgment. Oh music.

Speaking of music, I began recording 'Douchebag' today. I finished the lyrics and recorded a demo of a very low tone version. Sarah says I should bump it up an octave and make it a bit more sing songy in some bits and more choppy in others... I dunno. The music part is perfectly fine, but I need to work on meshing it well with the vocal track.

Back to school tomorrow. BALLS. And my favorite part was that I still haven't read The Scarlet Letter... ha ha, oh well. Yesterday I burned things! I took the two notes he wrote me, one of the roses he gave me, the green and black bracelet, and a scrap of fabric doused in rubbing alcohol and threw it all in a jar and lit it on fire. It burned for a long time... although everything's still pretty intact, it's all singed and ashy. Maybe I'll dig a hole out bag and bury the ashes. Man, I'm bitter, aren't I? :)

Today mom took me shopping before we picked up my car from the repair shop. There was this really cute guy that kept smiling at me through the glass. Then when he came inside, he looked me up and down a lot and I just leaned against the wall and waited for Sarah. He looks SO familiar, but I can't place where I've seen him before. He fixes cars... :P

Anyways, back to shopping! I got a red peacoat and pretty prom shoes. We went and looked at Prada and Gucci shoes and for the first time in my life, I held a $1135 pair of shoes. It was magical! And I bought that motorcycle jacket a few days ago with the sassy dress and mask... man, I love being a girl :) Shopping is amazing.

Tomorrow is Mardi Gras, and so I must don my beads and party!

xx Sail Away! The Night Is Calling My Name Marz

Snow Weekend

Gah. I've spent the last three days surrounded by friends and with people in my bed. Since Wednesday night, I've seen Jamie, Sarah, Heather, and Allison constantly... shopping, sleepovers, snow fights, movies...

I finally saw The Hangover! It was funny, but I don't get what was so wrong with it that douchebag wouldn't let me see it. Whatevs. I also saw What Happens In Vegas (Ashton Kutcher is beautiful :) ) and Bedtime Stories, both of which were fun. We started watching A Knight's Tale with delicious Heath Ledger, but didn't get to finish. Oh, and I finally saw 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh Heath, you're beautiful with your big muscles and long dark hair.

Blogging from my phone is weird... Andrew liked his birthday brownies :) I also bought a Tripp motorcycle jacket and a super sassy white criss cross halter dress that says "LOOK AT MY BOOBS THAT ARE VISIBLE IN THIS HOLE". It was the only white dress in the store... and I needed white to match my mask. It'll be my rave dress.

So according to Alli, I cling onto my virginity for dear life... am I that bad? I don't think for dear life, I just want it to be at the right time, that's all. I'm HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO, as Immi would sing :)

Oh well. Time to sleep and enjoy my awesome single Valentine's Day.

Somebody Save Me, I Want To Be Found Marz

What A Douche!

So school was a pretty normal day... Quest in Psych, painting in art, egg drop in physics (We didn't survive), and busy work in English. After school, I had to go pick up Little Italy and so Jamie tagged along. Turns out, we were driving behind a douchebag for a bit... a douchebag that found it necessary to speed up, cut in front of me, then get back into the other lane. Congrats, Captain Idiot. Thanks for getting in my way. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

And so Jamie and I spent all night together working on English stuff... we kept getting distracted though, and began working on my 'Hallelujah' remix... oh man, I'm way too excited for it! It's gonna be FABULOUS.

And I could practically kiss Heather. We were going over potential prom dates and she's like, "What about that really hot Andrew?" And I thought... HE'S UNDER 21! Oh my gosh, potential prom date! He's one of the few guys that I feel comfortable around... and he's really fun and gets along great with my friends. Ha ha, I love how after seeing him at A-Fest, he randomly showed up in the band hall and chatted with me and the girls for a bit after a football game. And there's that one kid who used to sit at my lunch table who has the same rainbow guitar shirt that he does! I wonder how well he plays guitar...

I'm supposed to make him delicious brownies for his birthday this weekend, because I'm a woman and we bake for men. I really like baking for people... makes me feel good. Maybe I'll get him something stupid/awesome, like... a Batman action figure or something. Ha ha. We shall see what I can come up with.

And weird! So my dad went to Las Vegas this weekend and brought Alessio back a Hard Rock shirt. Since I didn't tell him anything that I wanted, he just hands me a $100 bill and send me off to my room. Well alright! I'll take that!

xx Together Regardless We'll Walk Through The Darkness Marz

Poop!

I always think of awesome things to write about, but then I forget them.

I got a 100 on my Burton Brain Book :) I'm so proud. That REALLY helped my grade out! Started my angel art project in class, which sucks because I have to mix this horrid color which is a combination of burnt sienna, yellow, blue shade green, black, and white. Bahhhh. Will work on that later...

WHAT THE HELL. WAIDA GOT MY PHONE NUMBER. What a creeper! I'm gonna leave flaming dog poop on his porch because he bugs me. A lot. He needs to leave me alone! I don't care for him, and I don't want him to creep on me like he does on Sarah. Unwanteddddd! Bahhh.

I absolutely love this Nightwish song I got on the 'Bless the Child' album. It's called 'Sleepwalker' and it's totally the song that I just want to close my eyes to and and sway side to side. It's a lot like 'Lagoon'... like, the way I want to sway and dance. I love it.

Time to go shower and contemplate my crappy life.

xx End Of Innocence, Unending Masquerade! That's Where I'll Wait For You Marz

I Feel Supported

Oh my gosh! It's crazy... I can't really describe the feelings going through me. I showed up at school today, depressed and dreadful, but as the day went on, I realized that so many people understood and sided with me! I knew I was right all along! This reminds me of the crappy sketch I did in art class today of a girl growing out of a tree who's just chillin' there, watching the world crumble below her and not caring, because she already tried to save it. That's cool, though, cause she's safe in her tree.

Art was awful today. Mrs. K didn't even come to our table and never told us abut the assignment, so I literally sat there for an hour and a half, doing crappy doodles and thinking. It wasn't funsies.

I'm thinking of new ideas to fix my angel painting... well not fix it, but finish it. Like, I already have a sort of glow around her head, so I might so something with the background... like write a lot of stuff really small. Should there be something in the hole in her chest? Should she be crying, or angry, or blank faced? I don't know. So much to change and tweak before she's donesies.

I took Heather and Sarah out into the backyard by the fig tree earlier tonight and we buried the necklace charm. They sang our signature "Halle-Douchebag" while I did all of the digging. After trying to spit on the heart (I have zero aim), I covered it up, patted it smooth, and we departed. Maybe the roots will grow around the heart and eat it up. Who knows? Seriously, I've buried a crab, four fish, and two necklaces out there. I forgot to use salt and wax to seal the evil in the ground. Ooops. Well, I'm safe with my bayleaf, so we're good to go.

xx Heal The Scars And Change The Stars Marz

The Rasmus Knows

So I was on the bus coming home last night from Bowie and since it was a cold, rainy night and we were on the bus, I thought it was only fitting that I listen to my playlist entitled "Rainy Bus Ride Home". The playlist is composed of mellow sounding stuff that's good to chill out and fall asleep to. Well eventually, I get to 'Funeral Song' by The Rasmus and holy crap, it all came together.

I dumped you again, I don't understand
It's happened before, can't take it no more

These foolish games always end up in confusion
I'll take you back just to leave you once again

I've failed you again 'cause I let you stay
I used to pretend that I felt ok

Just one big lie, such a perfect illusion
I made you mine, just to hurt you once again

Now, those are only the verses, but it's almost like Lauri wrote that song for me... Like he knowsssss! Perhaps.

I decided to play Sims today. I killed off a few people that I was tired of and built a new house for me and my kid, Darren. I used some tutorials I found online and dang, this is a cool house. It's so bright and colorful... like an acid trip. Like Wonderland! All sorts of awesome. I should play sometime soon...

xx The Oceans Are As Lone As I Marz

I Can't Take It Anymore

I've managed to piss off three guys in one week.

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing I say is right, and I'm penalized for having concern.

Tried to save a friendship, but was laughed at.
Tried to rekindle a friendship, but was tossed on the ground and given sarcasm and hate.
Tried to save a friendship, but was disected, abused, and cast off like trash.

I hate everything. Anything I do backfires and turns against me. I hate arguing, and I've lost faith in humanity and myself.

I never said I was a perfect girlfriend. I only said that I was good enough to deserve better treatment. Of course, that's apparently not true, like everything else. I would never have imagined he'd turn into a horrible, heartless creature. I don't deserve an apology?! You called me uneducated and ignorant, and you pity me? That's so low. I can't believe it.

You're a terrible person and a horrible friend. You don't know how to treat people with respect and kindness and you will never succeed in life if you continue to lead a life of being a jerk. You've hurt me more than you'll ever know or feel. Ironic how the one I gave everything to turned around and destroyed me more than anyone else.

I shouldn't care. You're not worth it. But thanks for throwing me down into a terrible well, with no hope or light left.

Good luck in life--you'll need it more than anyone.

xx Marz

Oh My God.

How could you?

I just can't believe you... And what you said to me... I will never think of you the same again.





How could you?

Uni-boob?

So I was watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and they part about the uni-boob always makes me laugh. But then I got to thinking... what if girls only had one boob? How awkward would that be? The lone chesticle... And driving would be uncomfortable, too. Ha ha, so random to think about, but hey, IT WAS FUNNY AT THE TIME.

Sleeping in was nice... Went to my last therapy and my last doctor visit. I'm freeeeee! I can spin again and I'm much stronger! Then I came home and spent all day on my Brain Book. It came out badass, especially the cover. So hardcore.

I hate stupid people that don't understand that when I don't respond to a message, that means leave me alone. Bah, it's awful. Oh, I just realized that I'll never see therapy boy again, since I don't go anymore. Oh well.

I was thinking the other night of cool places for a tattoo. Inner forearm is nice, and it's pretty fleshy, so it wouldn't hurt too much. Ankle and foot (meaning it spans over both) would look nice, but it's painful as hell since that's all bone. Shoulder/just above heart would look really cute, and would be fun and flirty with different shirts. I think anything on the lower back would look dumb and trampish.

I have skinny forearms, so I don't know what I'd put there. But I do know that what ever I get, I want it to be swirly and ornate. Like Anette's :)

xx Hasten To Drown In This Beautiful Light Marz

My Girl In The River...

I love Big Fish. It's such a sad, but colorful and beautiful film. Not to mention it has one of my all time favorite musical scores ever. Danny Elfman is a genius, I tell you! And so is Tim Burton :) Ironically, this is one of my fave movies ever and it doesn't have Johnny Depp in it! But it's got all of the other Burton actors, like Albert Finney, Helena Bonham Carter, and Depp Roy.

Aww, funeral scene... So sad. Breathtaking music, though.

So I haven't posted anything in a few days... Just ran out of time. I've been trying to stick to bed by 11, but no luck. Tomorrow I'm staying home to finish up some projects. I have freaking C's in Psych and English, so I need to step it up hardcore. It's just so much reading and... bah. Life's tough.

I realized something on the bus ride home on Saturday. People always envy what they don't have, even though they have something perfectly marvelous. Curly haired people want straight hair, and vice versa. Even though I have an immense amount of artistic talent (And I'm confident enough to boast it humbly), I wish I could sing instead. But then you hear about musicians who whine that they can't draw and wish that they could... I dunno. I wish I was Shelby and multi-talented. Well, I guess my other skill is that I can write and I excel at grammar and spelling, but... Not good enough. Ha ha :)

I'm sick of Wes hanging around Heather and trying to get her to do things with him when she clearly doesn't want to. Why is that guy an idiot? Do we have to draw him a picture? What part of "We need space apart" doesn't he get? It's annoying when Sarah, Heather, and I are hanging out and he's standing there, waiting for her to leave so that he can walk her to her car, WHICH SHE DOES NOT WANT. Although I'd kill for someone to walk me to my car.

I'm sick of everyone getting second chances and having fallback guys. I just feel like I'm on a lonely island of isolation...

BUT WE FOUND A HOT GUY AT THE WINTERGUARD SHOW. He was in Black Gold, so he's at least 18. Oh my gosh, he had a like a long jacket with tails, but it cut off in the front right above his beautiful abs and that plus his fluffy hair and white contacts and vampire teeth spelled... HOT. Heather and I have agreed on a threesome if we ever see him again. AND HE HAD THE MAN V. Oh my gosh, those pants were riding much too low... but it was delicious to observe. Jessie will have to tell us his name!

xx Sleeping, Weeping, With You Marz