Yep, this is it.
January... Had our first winterguard competition. Varsity came in 5th place :P.
February... Had our second winterguard competition. Varsity got 2nd. Yeah!
March... I turned 16. I also saw Coraline! Good movie. Varisty placed 29th out of 40 at one competition, and at championships, we got 13th out of 18. Not so hot :|
April... Had a super awesome party with my best friend til the end Jamie in our pretty dresses :) I went to Scarborough Fair and had a blast! I got Confirmed and then went camping with Annie and Michael... my first ever camping trip! I also had to start physical therapy. Boo! Oh shoulder problems.
May... We had that epic swine flu break! Such a good week off. Band and guard banquets... much fun at each. And it was the start of A-Kon! I still have the sweet note Anthony wrote me for A-Kon. It was the last time we did Sweeney Todd cosplay :( But I made a con friend.
June... End of school. Julie told me her sophomore year was her favorite... it was definitely mine, too. Went to New Jersey. Nothing new there... same old Ocean City beach and boardwalk. I came home with my infamous hair wrap and henna tattoo :P
July... Harry Potter HBP came out! Heather, Sarah, and I dressed up and went to the midnight showing. Good fun! Then my niece Sarah came and lived with me for two long weeks... blahh. Anthony and I went out and celebrated our one year with Blazin' Wings and watching the sunset from under the band trailer. Such a fun night! Summer Lovin' ;P
August... Band camp! Three long weeks of living in the gym and hardly seeing the band while Scott isolated us. Oh, and we met Scott :) He's a great director. Alessio came a week before school started... And we had a football game against Wylie the first week of school. We lost, right?
September... Went to A-Fest with Sarah and Heather as Teen Titans! We were awesome and loved by everyone. I made another con friend who randomly showed up to see me at school after football games :P Anthony and I went and saw Blink-182 with his friends! It was such a good concert... HUGE, too, but awesome. It was a great night... lots of walking... but so fun. We also had Homecoming and TOC and learned the last of our drill. Woot!
October... (& April... Ha ha, I love that song!) The month of competitions and things going downhill in my life! We had one every week and did really well. We beasted BOA San Antonio and made roomie jackets! Fun stuff. I was sick a lot during October... and pissed at Anthony a lot, too. All about the same thing. Ha ha, oh competition days. Heather and I got sick at the fair and CIRQUE DU FREAK CAME OUT. Oh my God, I was so happy!
November... The month of hell. Sarah and I threw a Halloween party and that was pretty fun. TITANS GO! And I got my license! Then Wes and Anthony took Heather and I out on a real date! It was really nice... I even went out and bought a dress for it. Fun night... thong lady! XD And the weekend ended in a fight and my week started out with a nice breakup. Right before practice :| Also the day before it would have been 16 months. Hot damn, I think I wanted to die that entire week. Plus I found out my shoulders are so stretched and warped that I have to quit guard. So I lost the boy I loved with all my heart despite all the fighting, I lost my shoulders, and I lost my junior winterguard show. I had a good part and it was going to be a great show. On the plus, I went and saw Eisley and Say Anything with Shelby, Heather, Wes, Gabriel, and his girl. Couples~! :|
December... Not much. Therapy twice a week. Napping during guard. Emo emo. Got my class ring, though... it's very pretty, but too big. Engraved inside is "Time For One More Daring Dream" from Nightwish's single "Eva". While everyone else was at practice, I went to the band concert for my few band friends. Ha ha. Then I went to Philadelphia like I always do for Christmas. Nothing new.
And now I type out my year. Tonight, I'll party with Jamie, then stay up with Sarah and Heather. A year ended with friendship.
xx Finished Marz
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Unbreakable Bond
Sarah and I came up with the coolest idea ever. See, the Harry Potter theme park opens this coming spring... We plan on taking a spring trip break there in 2011 as a sort of senior trip :) Well we figured, Sarah will be 18 by then and spring break is my birthday, so I'll be 18, too. And since we're going to Harry Potterland...
LET'S GET AN UNBREAKABLE BOND TATTOO.
Just like Snape and Narcissa did in Half Blood Prince. See, we clasped our hands together as if shaking hands. Then we drew a line that circled our wrists and connected on top of my thumb and then again splitting my last two finger. We both have scribbly red lines all over out forearms :P But it would be the coolest symbol of friendship ever, because when we'd shake hands, our lines would connect and we'd be bound! Best idea ever. And get it done with UV light ink, so it'd glow. We come up with the best ideas while eating Dr Pepper jelly beans and cramming them down each others shirts.
So Jamie invited me to a small get together of Creekview kids tomorrow night for some New Year's fun. I'm game... I don't have plans anyways. I wanna get kissed on New Year's :( Oh well. Definitely not from any Creekview kids... Who knows where they've been?
Bahahahaa, it was funny at dinner when Donna asked how me and Anthony were doing. I guess mom didn't tell her what happened, so I filled her in. She was mildly shocked. Then she asked about Jamie and I told her she broke up, too, and then my mom goes into this weird rant about how much she liked Scott; how nice he was and interesting to talk to. Blah blah blah... why don't you date him, mom? Ha ha. Oh crazy old people.
Oh well. Tomorrow I'll write a long post about my year. Exciting? Maybe. It started off pretty great, then plateaued and then hit a super steep slope. Depressing.
xx Unbreakable Marz
LET'S GET AN UNBREAKABLE BOND TATTOO.
Just like Snape and Narcissa did in Half Blood Prince. See, we clasped our hands together as if shaking hands. Then we drew a line that circled our wrists and connected on top of my thumb and then again splitting my last two finger. We both have scribbly red lines all over out forearms :P But it would be the coolest symbol of friendship ever, because when we'd shake hands, our lines would connect and we'd be bound! Best idea ever. And get it done with UV light ink, so it'd glow. We come up with the best ideas while eating Dr Pepper jelly beans and cramming them down each others shirts.
So Jamie invited me to a small get together of Creekview kids tomorrow night for some New Year's fun. I'm game... I don't have plans anyways. I wanna get kissed on New Year's :( Oh well. Definitely not from any Creekview kids... Who knows where they've been?
Bahahahaa, it was funny at dinner when Donna asked how me and Anthony were doing. I guess mom didn't tell her what happened, so I filled her in. She was mildly shocked. Then she asked about Jamie and I told her she broke up, too, and then my mom goes into this weird rant about how much she liked Scott; how nice he was and interesting to talk to. Blah blah blah... why don't you date him, mom? Ha ha. Oh crazy old people.
Oh well. Tomorrow I'll write a long post about my year. Exciting? Maybe. It started off pretty great, then plateaued and then hit a super steep slope. Depressing.
xx Unbreakable Marz
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I Know My Dreams Are Made Of You...
Of you, and only for you
Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder
Love me before the last petal falls
I dreamed of him again. I actually woke up crying... there's something new. After I wrote it down, I flipped through my older entries. I dreamed of him a lot. Usually he was off doing his own thing (Surprise there, right?). But my favorites were the ones where we were together. Two, in fact, stick out in my mind the most. And they're haunting me.
Bahhhh. When will the nightmares end?
xx Haunted Marz
Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder
Love me before the last petal falls
I dreamed of him again. I actually woke up crying... there's something new. After I wrote it down, I flipped through my older entries. I dreamed of him a lot. Usually he was off doing his own thing (Surprise there, right?). But my favorites were the ones where we were together. Two, in fact, stick out in my mind the most. And they're haunting me.
Bahhhh. When will the nightmares end?
xx Haunted Marz
Home At Last
Finally home from PA... I missed my bed and my puppy :)
Little Italy's family is here with us... They're pretty cool. His mom speaks really broken English and his brother speaks English really well. They're both funny... they like to see me beat Alessio up :P But then my dad comes home from work and everyone has these secret Italian conversations and me and mom just stare at each other, trying to figure out what's up. Ha ha, it's fun. 4 Italians and 2 Texans in my house. Awesome :)
So I might wear Jamie's white dress to prom. I dunno, I kind of want to look bright, with my pale skin and dark hair. I think the contrast would be kind of pretty. I have no idea what flowers to use... maybe a nice white rose, my favorite? ;) Or I could go crazy and ask for orchids (very expensive). Bahahahaa. We'll see.
OH MY GOD. I'm in love with this song: Funeral Song by The Rasmus. It's so sad... It's about breaking up with someone over and over again and hurting them, even though there's still underlying love. I can't get over the chorus... it's just so melodic and beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4fjTZ7r6JM
Can't embed it, but it's still a beautiful song.
I feel like this private blog isn't as private as I hoped :/
xx I Died In My Dreams, What's That Supposed To Mean Marz
Little Italy's family is here with us... They're pretty cool. His mom speaks really broken English and his brother speaks English really well. They're both funny... they like to see me beat Alessio up :P But then my dad comes home from work and everyone has these secret Italian conversations and me and mom just stare at each other, trying to figure out what's up. Ha ha, it's fun. 4 Italians and 2 Texans in my house. Awesome :)
So I might wear Jamie's white dress to prom. I dunno, I kind of want to look bright, with my pale skin and dark hair. I think the contrast would be kind of pretty. I have no idea what flowers to use... maybe a nice white rose, my favorite? ;) Or I could go crazy and ask for orchids (very expensive). Bahahahaa. We'll see.
OH MY GOD. I'm in love with this song: Funeral Song by The Rasmus. It's so sad... It's about breaking up with someone over and over again and hurting them, even though there's still underlying love. I can't get over the chorus... it's just so melodic and beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4fjTZ7r6JM
Can't embed it, but it's still a beautiful song.
I feel like this private blog isn't as private as I hoped :/
xx I Died In My Dreams, What's That Supposed To Mean Marz
Saturday, December 26, 2009
The Day After
Woke up at 7:30 this morning.
We're going to New York City.
So I got up, took a shower, and went downstairs to eat. My sister comes down and tells me that my 7 yr old nephew peed on my face wash and hair products and hair dryer that was on the floor :| FML! Luckily for me, she's a clean freak and sanitized everything. Boys are stupid.
So Annie, Michael, Little Italy, and I all drove to New Jersey to catch a train to New York. I slept that whole way... the train ride was only an hour. But MAN. It was cold, windy, and rainy in the city. Right as soon as we got off at Penn Station, we walked up from the subway and in front of me was a beautiful cathedral with aged spires and flying buttresses and delicate embellishments. I absolutely adore cathedrals <3
Then we went straight to the Museum of
Modern Art for the Tim Burton show. The line to get into the museum was snaking AROUND THE BLOCK. As we were walking down it, we were freaking out that we wouldn't get in. JUST THEN, A MIRACLE HAPPENED. A worker there had 4 tickets he was given for family and friends. He saw us and sold them to us for $10 each. IT WAS LEGIT! We just scored full access tickets and didn't have to wait five minutes! We waltzed in and OH MY GOD. The show was amazing! Lots of sketches, little pieces, paintings, sculptures, even his old assignments from 1975! There was a whole room filled with movie props, costumes, storyboards, and figures from his claymations. It was AMAZING.
After that, we hit up this cool little burger place called Shake Shack. I got a super yummy vanilla shake and this AMAZING Shroom Burger. It was a huge mushroom stuffed with cheese and deep fried in place of a meat patty. It was GODLY. And there were these fat squirrels that lived by the Shake Shack! There were friendly guys... one crawled up Annie's leg! Then we went and saw Strawberry Fields in Central Park. John Lennon was watching us! Ha ha, then we ventured over to Time Square and checked out the NBC and Nintendo store. I bought a Mudkip plushie :)
Oh, somewhere between all of that, we went to this cool music store. Well, it was one company that owned lots of music stores. One would specialize in brass, one in pianos, and the one we went into was the guitar store. I kid you not: wall to wall from floor to ceiling... all different colors, shapes, types, makes, and editions of guitars. It was really awesome to see some of the special paint jobs. There were cute boys in there, too :P Always the musicians with the emo hair. But it was a cool place to check out.
We walked around Rockefeller Center... I totally missed the giant tree all lit up. Bahahahaaa.
And then we came home. Back on the train, back in New Jersey, back in the car, and home again. My jeans were soaked from the bottoms to my knees, and so were my shoes and socks. I wore my easy access holey jeans today that are super baggy and really long... not smart for the rain :|
Well it was a good after Christmas trip :)
xx So Happy Marz
We're going to New York City.
So I got up, took a shower, and went downstairs to eat. My sister comes down and tells me that my 7 yr old nephew peed on my face wash and hair products and hair dryer that was on the floor :| FML! Luckily for me, she's a clean freak and sanitized everything. Boys are stupid.
So Annie, Michael, Little Italy, and I all drove to New Jersey to catch a train to New York. I slept that whole way... the train ride was only an hour. But MAN. It was cold, windy, and rainy in the city. Right as soon as we got off at Penn Station, we walked up from the subway and in front of me was a beautiful cathedral with aged spires and flying buttresses and delicate embellishments. I absolutely adore cathedrals <3
Then we went straight to the Museum of
Modern Art for the Tim Burton show. The line to get into the museum was snaking AROUND THE BLOCK. As we were walking down it, we were freaking out that we wouldn't get in. JUST THEN, A MIRACLE HAPPENED. A worker there had 4 tickets he was given for family and friends. He saw us and sold them to us for $10 each. IT WAS LEGIT! We just scored full access tickets and didn't have to wait five minutes! We waltzed in and OH MY GOD. The show was amazing! Lots of sketches, little pieces, paintings, sculptures, even his old assignments from 1975! There was a whole room filled with movie props, costumes, storyboards, and figures from his claymations. It was AMAZING. After that, we hit up this cool little burger place called Shake Shack. I got a super yummy vanilla shake and this AMAZING Shroom Burger. It was a huge mushroom stuffed with cheese and deep fried in place of a meat patty. It was GODLY. And there were these fat squirrels that lived by the Shake Shack! There were friendly guys... one crawled up Annie's leg! Then we went and saw Strawberry Fields in Central Park. John Lennon was watching us! Ha ha, then we ventured over to Time Square and checked out the NBC and Nintendo store. I bought a Mudkip plushie :)
Oh, somewhere between all of that, we went to this cool music store. Well, it was one company that owned lots of music stores. One would specialize in brass, one in pianos, and the one we went into was the guitar store. I kid you not: wall to wall from floor to ceiling... all different colors, shapes, types, makes, and editions of guitars. It was really awesome to see some of the special paint jobs. There were cute boys in there, too :P Always the musicians with the emo hair. But it was a cool place to check out.
We walked around Rockefeller Center... I totally missed the giant tree all lit up. Bahahahaaa.
And then we came home. Back on the train, back in New Jersey, back in the car, and home again. My jeans were soaked from the bottoms to my knees, and so were my shoes and socks. I wore my easy access holey jeans today that are super baggy and really long... not smart for the rain :|
Well it was a good after Christmas trip :)
xx So Happy Marz
Oh Christmas.
Alright, so quick recap of my Christmas celebration.
Woke up at 10:30 on Friday morning. I was REALLY grouchy... Everyone was getting pissed at how grouchy I was being. I was bumming around the kitchen in the pants Mandy got me, my guard hoodie, and my bunnies in my pocket. I got two bags of Jelly Beans and a pirate license for Christmas. Cool.
Then we went to church... blah blah blah religion. Came home, had delicious hoagies, and bummed around the house for a few hours. I played this awesome new fantasy MMORPG called Shaiya. I'm a blonde elf archer with a giant rack... ha ha, but it's a fun game. So after that, we went over to my sister's place and had food and played with the kids.
We exchanged Pollyanna gifts... I got my Nightwish Lokikirja box set and shirt! Lokikirja is Finnish for logbook, and the box and shirt is themed around sailing... like one of my fave Nightwish songs, The Islander ;) The box set contains the 8 Nightwish albums and a cool booklet, plus a girly cut vintage matching shirt which I ADORE. I'm so happy!!
Then Annie and Michael took me to go see Sherlock Holmes. That was a pretty cool movie! It was exciting and kept me guessing til the very end. I loved it! So much action and fighting matched with bromance and mystery. Delicious.
And that was my Christmas. I spent a lot of time in the car thinking... remembering... missing. Bahhh.
xx Holiday Marz
Woke up at 10:30 on Friday morning. I was REALLY grouchy... Everyone was getting pissed at how grouchy I was being. I was bumming around the kitchen in the pants Mandy got me, my guard hoodie, and my bunnies in my pocket. I got two bags of Jelly Beans and a pirate license for Christmas. Cool.
Then we went to church... blah blah blah religion. Came home, had delicious hoagies, and bummed around the house for a few hours. I played this awesome new fantasy MMORPG called Shaiya. I'm a blonde elf archer with a giant rack... ha ha, but it's a fun game. So after that, we went over to my sister's place and had food and played with the kids.
We exchanged Pollyanna gifts... I got my Nightwish Lokikirja box set and shirt! Lokikirja is Finnish for logbook, and the box and shirt is themed around sailing... like one of my fave Nightwish songs, The Islander ;) The box set contains the 8 Nightwish albums and a cool booklet, plus a girly cut vintage matching shirt which I ADORE. I'm so happy!!
Then Annie and Michael took me to go see Sherlock Holmes. That was a pretty cool movie! It was exciting and kept me guessing til the very end. I loved it! So much action and fighting matched with bromance and mystery. Delicious.
And that was my Christmas. I spent a lot of time in the car thinking... remembering... missing. Bahhh.
xx Holiday Marz
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Freakin Christmas :|
Today wasn't a bad Christmas Eve. Went and saw Fantastic Mr Fox and Avatar, both of which were pretty good. Then went over to my cousin's house like always and feasted on raw oysters, clams, seafood salad, pasta, fish, ten different cakes and even more cookies, and delicious chocolate covered pretzels. It was a good night, like always. We went caroling out in the neighborhood, which was really more of a let's shove people in the snow and throw chunks of ice. Ha ha, Michael almost got me down.
But then we came back in. I sat there by the fire, feeling Jamie's sad and emptiness. Christmas is fun but... lonely :| Just like I described it, I listened to You Would Have Loved This, which my my fave Christmas song :) Here's a link. It's a very pretty song. Don't pay attention to the crappy video.
Yes. Sad sad Christmas. I guess I got my wish but... It wasn't really satisfying. I called Jamie up and talked to her about boys, exboys, prom dresses, parties, dates, and more. I'm sad that Scott broke up with her, but his reasons were somewhat forgivable. Only somewhat. Good fun girl stuff. Bahahaaa :| But talking to her did help... I needed her advice on pressing matters in which the sands are falling quickly into the bottom of the glass. And you know what? I've decided to follow my heart. Sorry, but logic can't save me on this one, man.
And you know what? I'm tired of movies where the couples have nuclear fallouts, get pissed at each other, but still come running back with open arms. Screw that. As if that ever happens in real life. Well, it's time to go to sleep and wallow in memories and such. Leave me alone... I'm a sentimental girl. "Oh, it's so sentimental" as Ville Valo would say after singing 'Like A Virgin' :P
And everyone has interesting horoscopes today... hm...
Merry Christmas, my beloved readers. Thanks for caring.
xx You Would Have Loved This Marz
But then we came back in. I sat there by the fire, feeling Jamie's sad and emptiness. Christmas is fun but... lonely :| Just like I described it, I listened to You Would Have Loved This, which my my fave Christmas song :) Here's a link. It's a very pretty song. Don't pay attention to the crappy video.
Yes. Sad sad Christmas. I guess I got my wish but... It wasn't really satisfying. I called Jamie up and talked to her about boys, exboys, prom dresses, parties, dates, and more. I'm sad that Scott broke up with her, but his reasons were somewhat forgivable. Only somewhat. Good fun girl stuff. Bahahaaa :| But talking to her did help... I needed her advice on pressing matters in which the sands are falling quickly into the bottom of the glass. And you know what? I've decided to follow my heart. Sorry, but logic can't save me on this one, man.
And you know what? I'm tired of movies where the couples have nuclear fallouts, get pissed at each other, but still come running back with open arms. Screw that. As if that ever happens in real life. Well, it's time to go to sleep and wallow in memories and such. Leave me alone... I'm a sentimental girl. "Oh, it's so sentimental" as Ville Valo would say after singing 'Like A Virgin' :P
And everyone has interesting horoscopes today... hm...
Merry Christmas, my beloved readers. Thanks for caring.
xx You Would Have Loved This Marz
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Too Little Too Late
But we all say uh oh... it's toooo muuuuch toooo laaaaate!
I can't even remember what song that's from. It's called Too Little Too Late and I wanna say it's by Straylight Run, but I could be wrong.
Either way. Yesterday I went to the outlet shops with Little Italy. I checked out Lucky, True Religion, Zumiez, a few shoe places, and of cours Juicy :) I saw tons of cute purses and shirts and jackets at Juicy. I almost called my mom to see if she'd let me get one, but I felt bad cause she just bought me 4 shirts from Metropark that were a good $70 each. Cute shirts, though. Most of them are like, half lace, so they're pretty hot :P Primeval is an awesome brand.
And then we came home and had breakfast for dinner. I've never done that before... it felt weird having pancakes and bacon at 6 PM. I was like... well damn, do I grab another Dr Pepper or do I get some cherry limeaide? Hard choice. I hate eating that early... I had to make another sandwich at 10.
I wrapped presents all night. My little niece is getting this awesome giant Sleeping Beauty coloring book... I need to ask my mom where she got it, cause I want one. I'm looking forward to my gifts when I get home, because from what I've heard from friends, it's gonna be a good Christmas. Plus there's whats-her-face's New Years Eve party that I was invited to. Alyssa? Yeah, I think it's her party. Ha ha, I don't know, because Adam lost my invite! Oh well, it'll still be cool, cause I've never been invited to a New Years party! About time :P
I have a few ideas for prom. I won't tell them, though. Not until I converse with my friends first and get their opinion on the matter. Still gotta remind my dad to call the limo people and get this sorted out now before we all forget about it. Those douchebags owe me a limo.
I'll probably write again later tonight. Off to go read Anette Olzon's blog and delve into what it's like in the life of a musician :)
xx Freezing my Aess (Ha ha, Philly people) Off Marz
I can't even remember what song that's from. It's called Too Little Too Late and I wanna say it's by Straylight Run, but I could be wrong.
Either way. Yesterday I went to the outlet shops with Little Italy. I checked out Lucky, True Religion, Zumiez, a few shoe places, and of cours Juicy :) I saw tons of cute purses and shirts and jackets at Juicy. I almost called my mom to see if she'd let me get one, but I felt bad cause she just bought me 4 shirts from Metropark that were a good $70 each. Cute shirts, though. Most of them are like, half lace, so they're pretty hot :P Primeval is an awesome brand.
And then we came home and had breakfast for dinner. I've never done that before... it felt weird having pancakes and bacon at 6 PM. I was like... well damn, do I grab another Dr Pepper or do I get some cherry limeaide? Hard choice. I hate eating that early... I had to make another sandwich at 10.
I wrapped presents all night. My little niece is getting this awesome giant Sleeping Beauty coloring book... I need to ask my mom where she got it, cause I want one. I'm looking forward to my gifts when I get home, because from what I've heard from friends, it's gonna be a good Christmas. Plus there's whats-her-face's New Years Eve party that I was invited to. Alyssa? Yeah, I think it's her party. Ha ha, I don't know, because Adam lost my invite! Oh well, it'll still be cool, cause I've never been invited to a New Years party! About time :P
I have a few ideas for prom. I won't tell them, though. Not until I converse with my friends first and get their opinion on the matter. Still gotta remind my dad to call the limo people and get this sorted out now before we all forget about it. Those douchebags owe me a limo.
I'll probably write again later tonight. Off to go read Anette Olzon's blog and delve into what it's like in the life of a musician :)
xx Freezing my Aess (Ha ha, Philly people) Off Marz
Monday, December 21, 2009
Oh Snow!
Today was nice... Woke up at 11:30, showered, then went and got delicious cheese steaks. With onions and hot peppers and cheese fries. So yummy! Then came back and went out to play in the snow with the child Sarah.
I was out there in a t shirt, roomie jacket, coat, jeans, and Etnies. Smart snow outfit? Nope. I had gloves that were ten sizes too big, but I got to feel what it's like to have big hands. So Sarah and I went goofing around in the backyard for a bit until we realized there was a huge pile of plowed snow in the culdesac right down the street. Screw the back yard... let's go to the street. So we ran around and found that some kids dug tunnels through the biggest pile. I fell through a few times :|
But we did make a fun snowman. I intended it to be much taller, like, person sized, but my feet were getting really cold and I was tired and so it comes up to about... the lowest ribs on my torso. Nice and short and with girly eyes. It was fun :) I don't think I ever built a snowman before.
Either way, we came home and thawed. The rest of the afternoon... I don't even remember. I think I took a nap somewhere in all of that. We just kind of bummed around the house. Dinner, some homework help, and some Brawl in the evening. Now, I'm sitting here in the cold basement with Little Italy whining about his Munny doll. I repainted my nails in the dotty blob style I did before... but instead of using my regular colors (black, blue, and green), I used black, green, and my new purple. Well, the purple is about as dark as the black and hardly shows up :|
Oh well. So when I took my short nap today, I had an awesome dream that I was at the nature preserve. It was dark out and decently chilly and I was wearing my green jacket. You could see the stars! Really bright and there were tons of them. I was walking around and for some reason, I got bored and went back to my car. On the hood was a daisy. Before I could pick it up, I woke up. :| Balls, I just wanted that daisy. No one ever gets me flowers. I remember once I went on a mission with Scott to do stuff for Jamie and when we got to her house, he left her a sunflower on her doorstep and sent a text to look outside. That's sweet. I never had that.
Ugh, enough remembering. I'll sing "You Would Have Loved This" on Christmas Eve. I swear. I'll sing it as I lay on the hearth with the dying fire behind me, the lights dimmed down, and the faint smell of espresso in the air. The sounds of poker and drunk people coming from the other room. A belly full of chocolate covered pretzels and seafood salad and oysters and pasta and more. A head full of memories.
xx Chilly Marz
I was out there in a t shirt, roomie jacket, coat, jeans, and Etnies. Smart snow outfit? Nope. I had gloves that were ten sizes too big, but I got to feel what it's like to have big hands. So Sarah and I went goofing around in the backyard for a bit until we realized there was a huge pile of plowed snow in the culdesac right down the street. Screw the back yard... let's go to the street. So we ran around and found that some kids dug tunnels through the biggest pile. I fell through a few times :|
But we did make a fun snowman. I intended it to be much taller, like, person sized, but my feet were getting really cold and I was tired and so it comes up to about... the lowest ribs on my torso. Nice and short and with girly eyes. It was fun :) I don't think I ever built a snowman before.
Either way, we came home and thawed. The rest of the afternoon... I don't even remember. I think I took a nap somewhere in all of that. We just kind of bummed around the house. Dinner, some homework help, and some Brawl in the evening. Now, I'm sitting here in the cold basement with Little Italy whining about his Munny doll. I repainted my nails in the dotty blob style I did before... but instead of using my regular colors (black, blue, and green), I used black, green, and my new purple. Well, the purple is about as dark as the black and hardly shows up :|
Oh well. So when I took my short nap today, I had an awesome dream that I was at the nature preserve. It was dark out and decently chilly and I was wearing my green jacket. You could see the stars! Really bright and there were tons of them. I was walking around and for some reason, I got bored and went back to my car. On the hood was a daisy. Before I could pick it up, I woke up. :| Balls, I just wanted that daisy. No one ever gets me flowers. I remember once I went on a mission with Scott to do stuff for Jamie and when we got to her house, he left her a sunflower on her doorstep and sent a text to look outside. That's sweet. I never had that.
Ugh, enough remembering. I'll sing "You Would Have Loved This" on Christmas Eve. I swear. I'll sing it as I lay on the hearth with the dying fire behind me, the lights dimmed down, and the faint smell of espresso in the air. The sounds of poker and drunk people coming from the other room. A belly full of chocolate covered pretzels and seafood salad and oysters and pasta and more. A head full of memories.
xx Chilly Marz
Freezing My Face Off :|
Dude, it's so cold down here in this cold basement. So I'm finally in Philadelphia, after my flight getting canceled once and delayed twice. THERE'S SNOW HEREEEEE! Rode first class up here, which meant we got breakfast. Woo hoo! It was an alright flight... I got nailed at security for all my metal jewelry :|
Let's see... I went out and bought (Well, I used my dad's credit card >.>) a big Teen Titans comic book for $10 plus I got Alessio to get me a Raven figurine, which is super awesome. RAVEN IS THE BESTTTT! She's my favorite super hero :) And you know what? It's dumb that super heroines all have giant boobs and perfect bodies. That sucks for all the rest of us mere mortals.
Hung out with Forrest last night night. I somehow typed night twice. That kid's a riot... I suck at modern gaming, as we all found out. I'm so sorry that I scratched you everywhere and that I made you bleed and that I left a mark. But that's what you get for throwing me around and tickling me, so I feel no remorse. PIRATES ARE BETTER THAN NINJAS, FOOL! FTW!
So I took a nap today and had a weird dream that I was at Brittany Cyr's house in her back yard swimming. Well no, I was laying in the sun... which is weird because I hate the sun. But either way, I was laying in the sun. And I was wearing Jamie's yellow bikini instead of my usual black with rainbow stars. Why yellow? I don't know. Maybe because I am BELLE! But I was just chillin and the sky turned purple. Then I woke up. Crappy dream.
Alright, now I'm writing the other half of this blog about 12 hours later. So I have poopy brown eyes. Everyone says that they're a weird golden color, though. Why can't I ever see the gold? :| I just want to see what the hype is all about. Me and my pop covered golden eyes.
VIRGIN SNOW BENEATH MY FEET PAINTING A WORLD IN WHITE... Ha ha, that's from "Escapist" by Nightwish :) There's plenty of untouched snow here and it's very beautiful. What's not beautiful is all the parental locks on these computers. I never had them when I was a kid.
Uhhhhh I guess I'm done writing now. Ha ha.
xx Cherry Limeaide Marz
Let's see... I went out and bought (Well, I used my dad's credit card >.>) a big Teen Titans comic book for $10 plus I got Alessio to get me a Raven figurine, which is super awesome. RAVEN IS THE BESTTTT! She's my favorite super hero :) And you know what? It's dumb that super heroines all have giant boobs and perfect bodies. That sucks for all the rest of us mere mortals.
Hung out with Forrest last night night. I somehow typed night twice. That kid's a riot... I suck at modern gaming, as we all found out. I'm so sorry that I scratched you everywhere and that I made you bleed and that I left a mark. But that's what you get for throwing me around and tickling me, so I feel no remorse. PIRATES ARE BETTER THAN NINJAS, FOOL! FTW!
So I took a nap today and had a weird dream that I was at Brittany Cyr's house in her back yard swimming. Well no, I was laying in the sun... which is weird because I hate the sun. But either way, I was laying in the sun. And I was wearing Jamie's yellow bikini instead of my usual black with rainbow stars. Why yellow? I don't know. Maybe because I am BELLE! But I was just chillin and the sky turned purple. Then I woke up. Crappy dream.
Alright, now I'm writing the other half of this blog about 12 hours later. So I have poopy brown eyes. Everyone says that they're a weird golden color, though. Why can't I ever see the gold? :| I just want to see what the hype is all about. Me and my pop covered golden eyes.
VIRGIN SNOW BENEATH MY FEET PAINTING A WORLD IN WHITE... Ha ha, that's from "Escapist" by Nightwish :) There's plenty of untouched snow here and it's very beautiful. What's not beautiful is all the parental locks on these computers. I never had them when I was a kid.
Uhhhhh I guess I'm done writing now. Ha ha.
xx Cherry Limeaide Marz
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Well Balls :/
I'm still in Texas. I should have left on a plane to snowy PA today, but flight got canceled and I'm home again for the day. Balls.
Umm... I have a lot to write bout, actually, but I don't really feel up to writing it all out. I'm listening to The Rasmus on youTube and wow, I love their stuff. I want to buy a CD! They're so fun, and Lauri is adorable ;)
Yesterday at Qdoba was strange. Hmm. Some forces were working with us or against us.
I went bowling last night and sucked. Ha ha. I hate bowling cause I'm not good at it.
And a weird dream, too. I dreamed that Anthony and I were texting on Christmas eve (YES) and then all of the sudden I was playing Sims and my house was on fire. Hmmm, what could this mean? Oh yeah :/
xx Taco Filled Marz
Umm... I have a lot to write bout, actually, but I don't really feel up to writing it all out. I'm listening to The Rasmus on youTube and wow, I love their stuff. I want to buy a CD! They're so fun, and Lauri is adorable ;)
Yesterday at Qdoba was strange. Hmm. Some forces were working with us or against us.
I went bowling last night and sucked. Ha ha. I hate bowling cause I'm not good at it.
And a weird dream, too. I dreamed that Anthony and I were texting on Christmas eve (YES) and then all of the sudden I was playing Sims and my house was on fire. Hmmm, what could this mean? Oh yeah :/
xx Taco Filled Marz
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Best Day Ever.
I always feel bad when I think of something negative and mean and then something really good happens concerning what I was thinking about.
So I'm really sorry for saying that D:
Today I went to therapy, took the fitness test (And cheated the pacer test... I only ran 3 laps...), witnessed Stephen being insubordinate and rude to Baldwin, took an impossible test, finished the rest of my Fireworks textbook in Web Mastering, the lights went out, and I had adventures in the dark with friends. Not to mention went to pick up some UGLY SWEATERS! I'm so excited for our ugly sweater day! And tomorrow, we're playing Apples to Apples in history.
He finally talked to meeeee! I'm so happy. A breath of relief. Maybe I'll still get my Christmas Eve wish?
I started 'Fallen' today. It's very good so far! The book smells like Harry Potter books... so it reminds me of Christmas. Oh Christmas. I'm so excited! I get lots of Italian food, seafood salad, oysters and clams, chocolate covered pretzels, amazing baked French toast, sleeping in a basement, snow, and getting to boss kids around. Good times!
But now I need to go open my presents :) Early Christmas!
xx Ecstatic Marz
So I'm really sorry for saying that D:
Today I went to therapy, took the fitness test (And cheated the pacer test... I only ran 3 laps...), witnessed Stephen being insubordinate and rude to Baldwin, took an impossible test, finished the rest of my Fireworks textbook in Web Mastering, the lights went out, and I had adventures in the dark with friends. Not to mention went to pick up some UGLY SWEATERS! I'm so excited for our ugly sweater day! And tomorrow, we're playing Apples to Apples in history.
He finally talked to meeeee! I'm so happy. A breath of relief. Maybe I'll still get my Christmas Eve wish?
I started 'Fallen' today. It's very good so far! The book smells like Harry Potter books... so it reminds me of Christmas. Oh Christmas. I'm so excited! I get lots of Italian food, seafood salad, oysters and clams, chocolate covered pretzels, amazing baked French toast, sleeping in a basement, snow, and getting to boss kids around. Good times!
But now I need to go open my presents :) Early Christmas!
xx Ecstatic Marz
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
One Month Down
Yep. It's been one whole month of alone.
I'm not gonna lie, though. I sure do miss love. I miss kissing, I miss hugging, I miss walking. I miss talking. I miss it all.
Oh well. It's nice now that I have someone to text all night with. Well, almost all night, but still. Enough to distract me. See, when I read books, I forget everything that's around me and I focus solely on the plot, the characters, ect. But lately I've been making bracelets like crazy and when I work on those, I do nothing but think: what I love, what I hate, what I want, what I need to do. I think about everything and everyone.
So while sitting in Web Mastering today after finishing my assignment early, I got to work on my current bracelet and started thinking. In the end, I felt like a piece of furniture. I was just sort of... there. Part of the decoration. Comfortable and used most of the time, but before I knew it, I was getting buried under piles and piles of junk that created the great divide (Tarja reference). That's how I can compare to the last few months. I told Jamie... I bet she thinks I'm nuts.
And not to sound bitter or mean or anything, because I'm saying this very matter-of-factly, but it's kind of always about you. You were the one that decided when I was over you. No sir, I'll decide that. You were the one that when I said "Why don't you do this with/for me?", you said that I was criticizing your "unique way of being a boyfriend and comparing you to other boyfriends". Well ok, but no points for cop outs. And we aren't to talk until you decide we're ready, or so you said six days ago.
I dunno. I don't mean for that to be taken the wrong way, but it really is the truth, now that I look back. I'm sorry.
On a much lighter note, I went to Barnes & Noble today to find 'The Bell Jar'. While I couldn't find it, I did buy 'Paradise Lost' and 'Fallen'. The best part is that when I was browsing one end of an aisle, I noticed a very large man crouching at the other end. All of the sudden, I hear this painfully loud fart and the man stands up. I almost laughed because that was so... uncalled for! We're in a public place! He just stood up and walked away. Much too funny!
I made chocolate pretzels tonight and burned my hand on the steam. Lifting weights is gonna hurt tomorrow. But I did realize that when I buy classic books, I feel so cool and educated. So profound and elite. And a saw a good quote by Abraham Lincoln: My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I haven't read.
xx Chocolate Covered Marz
I'm not gonna lie, though. I sure do miss love. I miss kissing, I miss hugging, I miss walking. I miss talking. I miss it all.
Oh well. It's nice now that I have someone to text all night with. Well, almost all night, but still. Enough to distract me. See, when I read books, I forget everything that's around me and I focus solely on the plot, the characters, ect. But lately I've been making bracelets like crazy and when I work on those, I do nothing but think: what I love, what I hate, what I want, what I need to do. I think about everything and everyone.
So while sitting in Web Mastering today after finishing my assignment early, I got to work on my current bracelet and started thinking. In the end, I felt like a piece of furniture. I was just sort of... there. Part of the decoration. Comfortable and used most of the time, but before I knew it, I was getting buried under piles and piles of junk that created the great divide (Tarja reference). That's how I can compare to the last few months. I told Jamie... I bet she thinks I'm nuts.
And not to sound bitter or mean or anything, because I'm saying this very matter-of-factly, but it's kind of always about you. You were the one that decided when I was over you. No sir, I'll decide that. You were the one that when I said "Why don't you do this with/for me?", you said that I was criticizing your "unique way of being a boyfriend and comparing you to other boyfriends". Well ok, but no points for cop outs. And we aren't to talk until you decide we're ready, or so you said six days ago.
I dunno. I don't mean for that to be taken the wrong way, but it really is the truth, now that I look back. I'm sorry.
On a much lighter note, I went to Barnes & Noble today to find 'The Bell Jar'. While I couldn't find it, I did buy 'Paradise Lost' and 'Fallen'. The best part is that when I was browsing one end of an aisle, I noticed a very large man crouching at the other end. All of the sudden, I hear this painfully loud fart and the man stands up. I almost laughed because that was so... uncalled for! We're in a public place! He just stood up and walked away. Much too funny!
I made chocolate pretzels tonight and burned my hand on the steam. Lifting weights is gonna hurt tomorrow. But I did realize that when I buy classic books, I feel so cool and educated. So profound and elite. And a saw a good quote by Abraham Lincoln: My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I haven't read.
xx Chocolate Covered Marz
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Horoscope! It's True!
"If your efforts at getting ahead all seem squashed before you even get them off the ground, it may be because your heart just isn't in it. The first step, then, is to work yourself up to a higher state of caring. Look at your life situation now, and realize that you do have control and you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and reach for the stars. Due to a series of challenging life circumstances, you may have lowered your expectations of what you can achieve. That's nonsense, though. There is no reason you can't get back in touch with your dreams."
THIS IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! I absolutely live by my horoscope application. I check it every morning and I check other people's to see what kind of day I'll face.
This is just... wow. My life has sucked lately and I have kind of lost hope for my future. But you know what? My horoscope is right. I totally have the power to control what's become of my life now. My life isn't over just because huge aspects of my life have been sucked away from my veins. I can work around it, work with it, work to it. Maybe my life will pick up and I'll be happy again.
Today was just... weird. I can't believe I pulled a Robert in the hall... Sarah knows what I'm talking about. Ha ha, that was epic. I feel awful for it, though. It's so low, but... I WAS SCARED, ALRIGHT? Scared. Now I'm scared? What's next... who knows.
Tomorrow I have to make my chocolate covered caramel covered pretzels. I need to make a list of who gets them! Damn, I knew I forgot something today. I'll make that list now. I need to make some fridge space, too. I got a lot to make. Maybe I can make some cool designs? We'll see. I'm amazing. Ha ha, I wish.
So I was driving home and I looked back in my rear view mirror and saw a tool driving a truck. He had a lot of hair, too. He kept flipping it around and petting it like it was a puppy or something. What a tool. And he was driving a truck. Go figure! Tools and trucks go hand in hand! And his PSAT scores were pretty good. He beat me in math, but I beat him in LIFE! LIIIIFFFEEE! Ha ha, kidding. We're all winners, man. Even though Leigh puts you down... and even though you broke my heart by ripping the wrapper up and screwing with my brain. What a jerk.
Anyways, time to make the list.
xx Busy Marz
THIS IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! I absolutely live by my horoscope application. I check it every morning and I check other people's to see what kind of day I'll face.
This is just... wow. My life has sucked lately and I have kind of lost hope for my future. But you know what? My horoscope is right. I totally have the power to control what's become of my life now. My life isn't over just because huge aspects of my life have been sucked away from my veins. I can work around it, work with it, work to it. Maybe my life will pick up and I'll be happy again.
Today was just... weird. I can't believe I pulled a Robert in the hall... Sarah knows what I'm talking about. Ha ha, that was epic. I feel awful for it, though. It's so low, but... I WAS SCARED, ALRIGHT? Scared. Now I'm scared? What's next... who knows.
Tomorrow I have to make my chocolate covered caramel covered pretzels. I need to make a list of who gets them! Damn, I knew I forgot something today. I'll make that list now. I need to make some fridge space, too. I got a lot to make. Maybe I can make some cool designs? We'll see. I'm amazing. Ha ha, I wish.
So I was driving home and I looked back in my rear view mirror and saw a tool driving a truck. He had a lot of hair, too. He kept flipping it around and petting it like it was a puppy or something. What a tool. And he was driving a truck. Go figure! Tools and trucks go hand in hand! And his PSAT scores were pretty good. He beat me in math, but I beat him in LIFE! LIIIIFFFEEE! Ha ha, kidding. We're all winners, man. Even though Leigh puts you down... and even though you broke my heart by ripping the wrapper up and screwing with my brain. What a jerk.
Anyways, time to make the list.
xx Busy Marz
Monday, December 14, 2009
Far Longer Than Forever
Is a good song :)
Today was alright. Went to therapy and got hardcore massaged... and had some trouble pulling weights. Ugh, I'm weak. But I'm making lots of bracelets with all my free time, so there's a plus.
My car was whistling like a teapot this morning... like it was LOUD. You could hear it inside the house it was so loud. But it suddenly stopped, so I guess it's ok now. Ha ha.
Me and Sarah came up with a great cubby idea that we'll execute tomorrow. I went and bought all the nonsense for my chocolate covered pretzels today... $27! It's worth it, I guess. I like making stuff for people. I have to make a list of who's all getting some! I'll do it tomorrow during guard/nap time.
"I've got bruises with their fingerprints... I can do much better I am sure... he's so immature! I see him smiling and my knees start buckling; I see inside him and my doubts are gone..." Oh soundtrack lyrics. My life should be one big musical... that would be awesome.
I went to the band concert tonight. Alone. Usually I go with a friend, but they were all at practice... I realized how little people I know. Ha ha. Well I went and sat by myself for a bit until a group of seniors from last year filled up the space around me. I didn't talk to them.... I don't know them very well. Both ways, the concert was really nice. All the bands did a great job and I must say, top band's first song was absolutely beautiful. The whole time I was listening, I was lost in my own little world. Really nice song.
I went for a few people... they know who they are. Ha ha, Problem Child even got a cupcake out of it. I didn't feel like standing around with a bunch of old people, so I split pretty fast. It was really cold... like my soul! My cold, empty soul. Ha ha.
OH! My secret santa (I think it's Lisa...) got me amazing flannel pants from Old Navy! It's a pair that I have, only in the right size and a different color. That totally made my day! I'm so happy! Flannel pants make me very happy :)
Happy... I guess life's been better. Still somewhat bipolar at times, but much better than before. I just hate waiting... but I'll honor my word. My horoscope has been telling me that love is on its way (I think it came in the wrong package unfortunately :/) and that I'm stressing myself out. Pretty spot on.
Sarah asked me while I drove her to McDonalds why the green and black heart bracelet was hanging from my garage door opener, right in front of my face. I dunno why. I just like it there. I can look at it, remember, and continue living. It's kind of an inspiration to keep going with a positive attitude and remember that it's gonna be alright in the end. He said so. He wouldn't lie...
xx Beauty without a Beast Marz
Today was alright. Went to therapy and got hardcore massaged... and had some trouble pulling weights. Ugh, I'm weak. But I'm making lots of bracelets with all my free time, so there's a plus.
My car was whistling like a teapot this morning... like it was LOUD. You could hear it inside the house it was so loud. But it suddenly stopped, so I guess it's ok now. Ha ha.
Me and Sarah came up with a great cubby idea that we'll execute tomorrow. I went and bought all the nonsense for my chocolate covered pretzels today... $27! It's worth it, I guess. I like making stuff for people. I have to make a list of who's all getting some! I'll do it tomorrow during guard/nap time.
"I've got bruises with their fingerprints... I can do much better I am sure... he's so immature! I see him smiling and my knees start buckling; I see inside him and my doubts are gone..." Oh soundtrack lyrics. My life should be one big musical... that would be awesome.
I went to the band concert tonight. Alone. Usually I go with a friend, but they were all at practice... I realized how little people I know. Ha ha. Well I went and sat by myself for a bit until a group of seniors from last year filled up the space around me. I didn't talk to them.... I don't know them very well. Both ways, the concert was really nice. All the bands did a great job and I must say, top band's first song was absolutely beautiful. The whole time I was listening, I was lost in my own little world. Really nice song.
I went for a few people... they know who they are. Ha ha, Problem Child even got a cupcake out of it. I didn't feel like standing around with a bunch of old people, so I split pretty fast. It was really cold... like my soul! My cold, empty soul. Ha ha.
OH! My secret santa (I think it's Lisa...) got me amazing flannel pants from Old Navy! It's a pair that I have, only in the right size and a different color. That totally made my day! I'm so happy! Flannel pants make me very happy :)
Happy... I guess life's been better. Still somewhat bipolar at times, but much better than before. I just hate waiting... but I'll honor my word. My horoscope has been telling me that love is on its way (I think it came in the wrong package unfortunately :/) and that I'm stressing myself out. Pretty spot on.
Sarah asked me while I drove her to McDonalds why the green and black heart bracelet was hanging from my garage door opener, right in front of my face. I dunno why. I just like it there. I can look at it, remember, and continue living. It's kind of an inspiration to keep going with a positive attitude and remember that it's gonna be alright in the end. He said so. He wouldn't lie...
xx Beauty without a Beast Marz
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Red Sky
As I was going to bed last night (Really, this morning, as it was 3 AM), I looked out the window and saw that the sky was glowing red. Red of passion, or red of anger? Red of fire, red of love, red of hate. All different sorts of red. It was beautiful.
Today I saw Where the Wild Things Are. Me and the boy were supposed to go see it weeks ago, but I guess we ran out of time. It was really cute, artsy, touching, and definitely not a kids movie. Not that there was anything bad in it, but the situations were very mature and kids wouldn't understand. It was great, though. I don't remember if I read the book... I wasn't into kid books when I was a kid.
Bleh, that's all I do is read. Read and paint. Read and paint and spin. I need new hobbies. Me and Sarah need to go work on our unfinished zombie film and on Yarnboy. That one will make us famous someday. Ha ha.
Tomorrow will be busy. I need to go buy stuff to make my new chocolate caramel pretzels and buy secret santa nonsense. Then I'll go see the concert at school. I told Scott I'd go see his concert tomorrow, but my school is better than yours, so mine wins. Ha ha, sorry man. I was so looking forward to seeing you in a dress.
There was something else I wanted to write about... I dunno. I found this cool skate park/dog park by the Lewisville dump. I want to go to it again because it's really cool. The place is swarming with boys and dogs: what could be better? Ha ha, kidding. Skater boys are tools. I need someone artsy who understands creativity. Music, art, dance, theater, writer, whatever: they all work just fine and know what's up.
I finally wrote an email for Sealy so he'll sign my paper to get me out of winterguard. About damn time. Although I watched Duncanville's final video and felt this really sad twinge of pain. I remembered contests: how much fun they were, how much they sucked, bus buddies, sneaking phones around, sitting in the stands, and eating giant cookies. Ha ha, me and Heather used to always get mad at our boys because they were being dumb and ignoring us. And then Scott would yell at us and tell us how much our show sucked even though we were all really happy with it. Oh marching season. I miss you.
Time to go take out trash and shower. Maybe read or write or draw. Something.
I found two notes and taped them to my wall behind my bed. I've almost got them memorized.
xx The Islander Marz
Today I saw Where the Wild Things Are. Me and the boy were supposed to go see it weeks ago, but I guess we ran out of time. It was really cute, artsy, touching, and definitely not a kids movie. Not that there was anything bad in it, but the situations were very mature and kids wouldn't understand. It was great, though. I don't remember if I read the book... I wasn't into kid books when I was a kid.
Bleh, that's all I do is read. Read and paint. Read and paint and spin. I need new hobbies. Me and Sarah need to go work on our unfinished zombie film and on Yarnboy. That one will make us famous someday. Ha ha.
Tomorrow will be busy. I need to go buy stuff to make my new chocolate caramel pretzels and buy secret santa nonsense. Then I'll go see the concert at school. I told Scott I'd go see his concert tomorrow, but my school is better than yours, so mine wins. Ha ha, sorry man. I was so looking forward to seeing you in a dress.
There was something else I wanted to write about... I dunno. I found this cool skate park/dog park by the Lewisville dump. I want to go to it again because it's really cool. The place is swarming with boys and dogs: what could be better? Ha ha, kidding. Skater boys are tools. I need someone artsy who understands creativity. Music, art, dance, theater, writer, whatever: they all work just fine and know what's up.
I finally wrote an email for Sealy so he'll sign my paper to get me out of winterguard. About damn time. Although I watched Duncanville's final video and felt this really sad twinge of pain. I remembered contests: how much fun they were, how much they sucked, bus buddies, sneaking phones around, sitting in the stands, and eating giant cookies. Ha ha, me and Heather used to always get mad at our boys because they were being dumb and ignoring us. And then Scott would yell at us and tell us how much our show sucked even though we were all really happy with it. Oh marching season. I miss you.
Time to go take out trash and shower. Maybe read or write or draw. Something.
I found two notes and taped them to my wall behind my bed. I've almost got them memorized.
xx The Islander Marz
In Six Hundred and Sixty Six Ways I'll love You...
Oh, such a good song. "For You" by HIM.
Let's see. Today I worked Sonic from 2:30-5. It wasn't too bad, if anything seemed to go by even faster than ever. I don't think the tips were as good because we weren't wearing short shorts. Hmmm...
Then I went and got gas. See, I'm not sure that dad knows that I'm actually paying for my own gas. He thinks he's paying for it. Silly old man. I'm not that much of a freeloader. Turns out if I'm about to hit red, $40 fills it up to nearly full. Good call, you gas guzzling tank. But I love my truck, so it's ok. It's got great butt warmers for the bitter cold Texas weather. YEAH!
Babysat in the evening. The kid is always pretty fun. Tonight, we played Lego Star Wars. We've played before, but tonight we actually went on missions and stuff, so it was fun. I like being the blue girl... Use my Force. But tonight he made me pick a guy with a gun so I went with Chewy. Ha ha, Scott. Jewbaca. Then we played Billy & Mandy and watched the Simpsons Movie. Pretty good night. After I got him to bed, I watched 3 That '70s Shows, part of Fight Club, half of Degrassi (Such a dumb show.), and Platinum Weddings.
As I sat there, I couldn't help but wonder. What'll my future be? I found a really sweet love note by the sink that came with some flowers. I wonder what my future will turn into. Ha ha, it better be alright, or I'll kick life in the face.
I looked for vintage prom dresses tonight. All the cute '50s dresses were really expensive... I guess I'll just stick with my red dress. If anything, I feel really fancy in it cause it was made by a pretty swanky celebrity designer. I just want to go find some good, high heels for it because for some reason, I feel so short in that dress. Well I'm just short in general. And small. Everything with me is small. Bleh. It could be worse, I guess.
And now I'm sitting here eating artichokes that taste too strongly of basil for me to enjoy them fully. My eyes burn, my hair is unruly, and I'm still wearing my blue guard jacket. But the amazing thing is these days, my phone's battery lasts until I go to bed. Like, I can go to bed with half my bars still up.
Who reads my blog? I wasn't aware it was ready by anyone. I don't mind, because I'll write whatever I want. Darren Shan said that the only way to ever get better at writing is to keep writing. I trust him, because he's sold tons of books and write successful horror series. I wish my life could be like that someday.
There's probably more to ran about, but... eh. I'll think of it later.
xx Contemplative Marz
Let's see. Today I worked Sonic from 2:30-5. It wasn't too bad, if anything seemed to go by even faster than ever. I don't think the tips were as good because we weren't wearing short shorts. Hmmm...
Then I went and got gas. See, I'm not sure that dad knows that I'm actually paying for my own gas. He thinks he's paying for it. Silly old man. I'm not that much of a freeloader. Turns out if I'm about to hit red, $40 fills it up to nearly full. Good call, you gas guzzling tank. But I love my truck, so it's ok. It's got great butt warmers for the bitter cold Texas weather. YEAH!
Babysat in the evening. The kid is always pretty fun. Tonight, we played Lego Star Wars. We've played before, but tonight we actually went on missions and stuff, so it was fun. I like being the blue girl... Use my Force. But tonight he made me pick a guy with a gun so I went with Chewy. Ha ha, Scott. Jewbaca. Then we played Billy & Mandy and watched the Simpsons Movie. Pretty good night. After I got him to bed, I watched 3 That '70s Shows, part of Fight Club, half of Degrassi (Such a dumb show.), and Platinum Weddings.
As I sat there, I couldn't help but wonder. What'll my future be? I found a really sweet love note by the sink that came with some flowers. I wonder what my future will turn into. Ha ha, it better be alright, or I'll kick life in the face.
I looked for vintage prom dresses tonight. All the cute '50s dresses were really expensive... I guess I'll just stick with my red dress. If anything, I feel really fancy in it cause it was made by a pretty swanky celebrity designer. I just want to go find some good, high heels for it because for some reason, I feel so short in that dress. Well I'm just short in general. And small. Everything with me is small. Bleh. It could be worse, I guess.
And now I'm sitting here eating artichokes that taste too strongly of basil for me to enjoy them fully. My eyes burn, my hair is unruly, and I'm still wearing my blue guard jacket. But the amazing thing is these days, my phone's battery lasts until I go to bed. Like, I can go to bed with half my bars still up.
Who reads my blog? I wasn't aware it was ready by anyone. I don't mind, because I'll write whatever I want. Darren Shan said that the only way to ever get better at writing is to keep writing. I trust him, because he's sold tons of books and write successful horror series. I wish my life could be like that someday.
There's probably more to ran about, but... eh. I'll think of it later.
xx Contemplative Marz
Friday, December 11, 2009
New Car CD
In light of recent events, I've decided to pull that depressing CD out of my car and create a new one. There's this part of Beauty and the Beast 2 where the beast walks up to Forte and says "I want you to write a song for Belle. Make it... HAPPY!" So that's what my CD is: uplifting, generally good driving music. A step up from easy listening.
Today was fantastic. I had a good nap during first period and did nothing but read in every class. Seriously, I had a good hour or more in every class to just sit back and read. I started (And nearly finished) a book called Beastly, which tells the story of Beauty and the Beast from the beast's point of view. How he used to be mean and nasty and outrageously handsome, but turned into a rose-loving scholar and loving creature. The "Beauty" is a ginger named Linda. I'm envious of all the books they read together.
Look up Sonnet 54. It's a beautiful poem by Shakespeare. Try to find a modern translation.
I can't help but want to smile all the time now. Things are mildly improving all around. It's a like a garden out of winter, when the tiny green sprouts are just starting to burst out of the ground. At the same time, I feel a tinge of sadness because things didn't happen like I had hoped and dreamed. But that's ok, I guess life's just full of these unexpected twists.
I told Sarah we could go to prom together now. I have to figure out who's all in the limo/dinner... I know Heather, Jamie and Sarah want in. I think Alli does, too. And I assume their dates.
Prom. So far away. But so close. It's almost 2010. I think I want to find a new dress. I saw a few gorgeous '50s dresses that would look great on me... kind of pricey, but we'll see. I love the prom and formal dresses of the '50s. So girly and fun. I'm thinking red, since I look good in that. Maybe green. Possibly black. I dunno. At least my mom can do free flowers. Ha ha. There's a plus.
Why am I thinking ahead? I've done a lot of strange things lately. Today, Forrest and I talked trucks for an hour. Comparing this to that, then onto SUVs and more. I didn't realize how much of an opinion I had about trucks. Ha ha. I think pick up trucks look a bit silly, honestly. I'd never get one. They're definitely a man's car. I'd like to get an Explorer or a newer Tahoe someday. In green, of course. Maybe blue. I dunno. Ha ha, when I was a kid, I always wanted a red VW Beetle so I could paint black spots on it. I had some awesome expectations as a kid.
I'm glad that my friends talk about me and ready my phone messages while I nap during guard. "How's she taking it?" "Better than I expected..." Ha ha, talk about talking abut someone behind their back. But they're so good to me, so I can't complain. I have the best friends ever. Even if friend initiation includes spitting in each others eyes and farting on someone's face while they sleep. Good times.
Time to go start Wes's shoes. Andrew and I are supposed to hang out so I can paint his shoes.
Life is strange.
xx Fresh Marz
Today was fantastic. I had a good nap during first period and did nothing but read in every class. Seriously, I had a good hour or more in every class to just sit back and read. I started (And nearly finished) a book called Beastly, which tells the story of Beauty and the Beast from the beast's point of view. How he used to be mean and nasty and outrageously handsome, but turned into a rose-loving scholar and loving creature. The "Beauty" is a ginger named Linda. I'm envious of all the books they read together.
Look up Sonnet 54. It's a beautiful poem by Shakespeare. Try to find a modern translation.
I can't help but want to smile all the time now. Things are mildly improving all around. It's a like a garden out of winter, when the tiny green sprouts are just starting to burst out of the ground. At the same time, I feel a tinge of sadness because things didn't happen like I had hoped and dreamed. But that's ok, I guess life's just full of these unexpected twists.
I told Sarah we could go to prom together now. I have to figure out who's all in the limo/dinner... I know Heather, Jamie and Sarah want in. I think Alli does, too. And I assume their dates.
Prom. So far away. But so close. It's almost 2010. I think I want to find a new dress. I saw a few gorgeous '50s dresses that would look great on me... kind of pricey, but we'll see. I love the prom and formal dresses of the '50s. So girly and fun. I'm thinking red, since I look good in that. Maybe green. Possibly black. I dunno. At least my mom can do free flowers. Ha ha. There's a plus.
Why am I thinking ahead? I've done a lot of strange things lately. Today, Forrest and I talked trucks for an hour. Comparing this to that, then onto SUVs and more. I didn't realize how much of an opinion I had about trucks. Ha ha. I think pick up trucks look a bit silly, honestly. I'd never get one. They're definitely a man's car. I'd like to get an Explorer or a newer Tahoe someday. In green, of course. Maybe blue. I dunno. Ha ha, when I was a kid, I always wanted a red VW Beetle so I could paint black spots on it. I had some awesome expectations as a kid.
I'm glad that my friends talk about me and ready my phone messages while I nap during guard. "How's she taking it?" "Better than I expected..." Ha ha, talk about talking abut someone behind their back. But they're so good to me, so I can't complain. I have the best friends ever. Even if friend initiation includes spitting in each others eyes and farting on someone's face while they sleep. Good times.
Time to go start Wes's shoes. Andrew and I are supposed to hang out so I can paint his shoes.
Life is strange.
xx Fresh Marz
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Oh Blog.
Oh blog, you've certainly done me in this time.
It's cold. Much too cold. This room gets no heat.
So glad it's Friday tomorrow. I need the weekend to make money and sleep in. There's nothing I love more than the feeling of a cold room in the morning, but you're all wrapped up in a zillion blankets, so it's ok, because you're really warm. I need me one of those mornings.
I just realized I signed up to work at Sonic, although since I'm not really a part of the winterguard anymore, I don't really have to go work. But I still want to be a part of it, even if I can't perform. I want to go to Austin and all the competitions and do everything but perform. I hope it works out ok. I wonder who is really getting my spot. Scott can't put Lisa there... she's a flag, so she can't just switch spots all of the sudden. I wonder if Problem Child will get it. Or wait, isn't she a flag, too? Surely not Hinch. Oh no no no.
So much change. This is one memorable year to look back on.
I must say, I feel really weird. Kind of nervous, a bit sad, really hopeful, and much more optimistic than I've been in a long time. It's like Requiem on crack, ha ha. Oh winterguard/Mozart jokes. It's gonna be alright. Everything will be ok in the end. Patience is my friend here. Patience will bring me back my friend. If I spoke Italian, the best way to describe myself would be "Anima Libera". Gone is the hate, the sorrow, the ill feelings, the awful glance around the corner. I'm pulling that CD I made after we broke up out of my car and making a new one, a better one. A disc full of happy.
Hopefully I can sleep peacefully now. Not another tear from me. I feel like the ending of a book. I've been resolved. This is like, the ending of the last "Cirque Du Freak" book and "Anatomy of a Boyfriend" combined. In CFD, Darren's soul unravels and he floats up to Paradise, where his loved ones are waiting. In AoaB, Dom yells at Wes for the last time and then she experiences a rush of freedom after pushing him away for the last time. In both books, the main characters found peace and happiness.
Mmm, English class. How exciting!
"Don't you know it's gonna be... alright..." - The Beatles, "All You Need Is Love"
xx Free Soul Marz
It's cold. Much too cold. This room gets no heat.
So glad it's Friday tomorrow. I need the weekend to make money and sleep in. There's nothing I love more than the feeling of a cold room in the morning, but you're all wrapped up in a zillion blankets, so it's ok, because you're really warm. I need me one of those mornings.
I just realized I signed up to work at Sonic, although since I'm not really a part of the winterguard anymore, I don't really have to go work. But I still want to be a part of it, even if I can't perform. I want to go to Austin and all the competitions and do everything but perform. I hope it works out ok. I wonder who is really getting my spot. Scott can't put Lisa there... she's a flag, so she can't just switch spots all of the sudden. I wonder if Problem Child will get it. Or wait, isn't she a flag, too? Surely not Hinch. Oh no no no.
So much change. This is one memorable year to look back on.
I must say, I feel really weird. Kind of nervous, a bit sad, really hopeful, and much more optimistic than I've been in a long time. It's like Requiem on crack, ha ha. Oh winterguard/Mozart jokes. It's gonna be alright. Everything will be ok in the end. Patience is my friend here. Patience will bring me back my friend. If I spoke Italian, the best way to describe myself would be "Anima Libera". Gone is the hate, the sorrow, the ill feelings, the awful glance around the corner. I'm pulling that CD I made after we broke up out of my car and making a new one, a better one. A disc full of happy.
Hopefully I can sleep peacefully now. Not another tear from me. I feel like the ending of a book. I've been resolved. This is like, the ending of the last "Cirque Du Freak" book and "Anatomy of a Boyfriend" combined. In CFD, Darren's soul unravels and he floats up to Paradise, where his loved ones are waiting. In AoaB, Dom yells at Wes for the last time and then she experiences a rush of freedom after pushing him away for the last time. In both books, the main characters found peace and happiness.
Mmm, English class. How exciting!
"Don't you know it's gonna be... alright..." - The Beatles, "All You Need Is Love"
xx Free Soul Marz
Wow, I'm Sorry.
I didn't mean that. I was just in such a bad mood during Web Mastering.
Bleh. I did mean the I don't love you anymore part, though. The rest was just byproducts of rage. I didn't mean any of it.
I just feel so alone.
I do want to be your friend, because we were great friends. I'm just afraid you don't want to be my friend.
This has just been the most awful month ever. I lost my boyfriend, my love, my shoulders, and winterguard. I'm just so pissed about everything going against me.
Ughhhh. FML. Jamie's trying to set me up on a date with some Creekveiw tuba that I don't even know. Blake keeps saying hi to me. Jose gets me my papers now. What the hell is going on?
Time for some Cane's and cherry limeaid and That '70s Show. I don't like this part of the series, though, where Donna and Eric were getting married. Everyone hates everyone. Blah blah blaaaah.
xx Lonesome Marz
Bleh. I did mean the I don't love you anymore part, though. The rest was just byproducts of rage. I didn't mean any of it.
I just feel so alone.
I do want to be your friend, because we were great friends. I'm just afraid you don't want to be my friend.
This has just been the most awful month ever. I lost my boyfriend, my love, my shoulders, and winterguard. I'm just so pissed about everything going against me.
Ughhhh. FML. Jamie's trying to set me up on a date with some Creekveiw tuba that I don't even know. Blake keeps saying hi to me. Jose gets me my papers now. What the hell is going on?
Time for some Cane's and cherry limeaid and That '70s Show. I don't like this part of the series, though, where Donna and Eric were getting married. Everyone hates everyone. Blah blah blaaaah.
xx Lonesome Marz
You Know What?
I'm done with you.
I've come to that conclusion. While at therapy, I realized that I'm wasting my time. I'm bitter and mean and really, I could be out being happy right now, living my life, doing fun stuff.
I don't love you any more.
You ditched me. You broke my heart. You lied to me.
I can't believe I actually was dumb enough to believe you when you looked me in the eye and told me I was still your really good friend. I actually thought that you meant it. Nope. It just goes to show that when guys say "We can still be friends" it means that "I want you out of my life".
But it's ok. I'm freeing myself from you. Maybe someday you'll be able to walk up to me and say hi. But whenever you're ready. I've got all the time in the world.
Looks like I have to find someone else to text on Christmas Eve. We did that for years, you and I. Oh well.
xx A Finished Marz
I've come to that conclusion. While at therapy, I realized that I'm wasting my time. I'm bitter and mean and really, I could be out being happy right now, living my life, doing fun stuff.
I don't love you any more.
You ditched me. You broke my heart. You lied to me.
I can't believe I actually was dumb enough to believe you when you looked me in the eye and told me I was still your really good friend. I actually thought that you meant it. Nope. It just goes to show that when guys say "We can still be friends" it means that "I want you out of my life".
But it's ok. I'm freeing myself from you. Maybe someday you'll be able to walk up to me and say hi. But whenever you're ready. I've got all the time in the world.
Looks like I have to find someone else to text on Christmas Eve. We did that for years, you and I. Oh well.
xx A Finished Marz
I Thought I Could Change You, But You Changed Me
Let's see... now that I'm out of my mushy gushy "I love him so much and I wish he was mine again!" and into my "Wow, you're a tool douche bag faggot and I hate your guts for lying to me but I still think you're cute and I want you back" phase, let's asses the changes:
- Dark hair
- Higher level of profanity
- Staying up later
- Not doing homework
- Meaner to people
- Crying to sleep
- AIM
- Napping
- Hating life
Eh, it could be worse. I could be a suicidal cutter, but luckily I'm just sleeping it all off.
- Dark hair
- Higher level of profanity
- Staying up later
- Not doing homework
- Meaner to people
- Crying to sleep
- AIM
- Napping
- Hating life
Eh, it could be worse. I could be a suicidal cutter, but luckily I'm just sleeping it all off.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
One Week Later
Still as manic and cynical as ever.
One moment I love him, and the idea of him makes me cry, but the next moment I find myself cursing his name. I've imagined a whole lot of things I wish I could say to his face, but sadly I'm not brave enough.
I remember one Sunday when we got into a fight and stopped talking. Later that afternoon, he texted me saying that Owl City reminded him of me. Now I think of that when I listen to Owl City and wonder if it still has the same effect on him.
I tried IMing him twice and sent him a Facebook chat. He never responded to anything. I love how he told me I was still his really good friend.
You're such a liar.
Part of me just wants to hate him and tell him how it is. I was nothing but good to you and I spent my time and energy trying to be a good girlfriend because I loved you. All I asked for was a little something in return. Although I feel like if I try to tell him, he'll get all pissy and say that I'm attacking him and make me out to be the bad person. No, he needs to learn to take blame for things. I'm not attacking you, I'm trying to tell you how I feel. God, hold your temper down.
I'm a mess. A manic mess. Basketcase? Yeah. You created this monster. Thanks a lot and enjoy living your life.
xx Bitter Marz
One moment I love him, and the idea of him makes me cry, but the next moment I find myself cursing his name. I've imagined a whole lot of things I wish I could say to his face, but sadly I'm not brave enough.
I remember one Sunday when we got into a fight and stopped talking. Later that afternoon, he texted me saying that Owl City reminded him of me. Now I think of that when I listen to Owl City and wonder if it still has the same effect on him.
I tried IMing him twice and sent him a Facebook chat. He never responded to anything. I love how he told me I was still his really good friend.
You're such a liar.
Part of me just wants to hate him and tell him how it is. I was nothing but good to you and I spent my time and energy trying to be a good girlfriend because I loved you. All I asked for was a little something in return. Although I feel like if I try to tell him, he'll get all pissy and say that I'm attacking him and make me out to be the bad person. No, he needs to learn to take blame for things. I'm not attacking you, I'm trying to tell you how I feel. God, hold your temper down.
I'm a mess. A manic mess. Basketcase? Yeah. You created this monster. Thanks a lot and enjoy living your life.
xx Bitter Marz
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
He Tried!
He tried to physically see me today!
But I wasn't at school.
I don't want my bracelet back. I want you to keep it. I thought of you the whole time while I was making it and it's just a little thing that keeps me content knowing you have it.
If we're still such good friends as you reassured me, why don't you ever talk to me?
I swear, I'll drive myself to depression.
xx Pained Marz
But I wasn't at school.
I don't want my bracelet back. I want you to keep it. I thought of you the whole time while I was making it and it's just a little thing that keeps me content knowing you have it.
If we're still such good friends as you reassured me, why don't you ever talk to me?
I swear, I'll drive myself to depression.
xx Pained Marz
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
All I Ever Wanted, I Will Never Have.
The reason I was being so awful in the end was because I was tired of not having what everyone else had. I was so jealous of everyone getting all the things I wanted with their boyfriends.
They wore their boy's jackets. Their boys drove them to school. Their boys set aside specific time for them. Their boys called them beautiful, cute, amazing, pretty. Their boys made a point to show up and spend time with them.
That's all I wanted: attention. Just telling me you love me everyday just isn't enough. The only times I remember you looking into my eyes and calling me pretty was at banquet, at homecoming, and on the double date. I didn't realize that I was only strikingly pretty when I was in a nice dress. Tell me I look nice when I show up in a nice shirt. Come see me in the morning after you get settled in. Show up randomly on my front porch with a smile and a daisy. When we're walking together, please talk to me, because I don't see you all day. Maybe come spend some free time with me when we're at band competitions. Maybe sit with me in the stands. Insist that I wear your jacket and keep it for a few days. Offer to take me to school. SURPRISE ME. When I'm in a really bad mood at my Halloween party, don't just get all offended when I snap at you. Maybe you should ask me what's wrong.
Just take some blame, that's all. You always made me out to be the one with all the problems. I know I share the blame, because I was just getting whiny and catty. But that's because I was feeling less and less from you.
I love you no matter what. Even if you're a dumb boy that needs to learn a thing or two about how to treat a girl, I'm patient and willing to handle you. People ask me, "Why do you want him back? He's awful." Well, maybe to you he is, but to me, he's the sweetest thing out there. He makes me laugh because I'm not funny. He's really smart and logical where I'm just lofty and imaginative. He's tough, blunt, and beastly, where I'm quiet, gentle, and sweet. We just work. Not to mention he's the only boy who can catch my eye. He's the best looking guy I've ever come across. I just love everything about him... the way I feel so warm when he hugs and holds me, how amazing he smelled, and that look he would make when we were alone together. The lights would be dim and he's stare at me with relaxed eyes and a slight smile that just melts my heart.
And he saw me when no one else did. I've never really had any guys friends... except for him. He was the reason I got into texting, he was the reason I got a Facebook, Twitter, and began blogging. I owe so much of my life to him. He's shaped the world I live in. We always text on Christmas Eve... Perhaps it's ironic that I adore Tarja's "You Would Have Loved This".
He's the only one for me. I hate when people tell me "You'll find someone better." or "He's not the only guy out there." Well you know what? 16 months with him has made him the only guy for me and the only one I want.
xx Sad, But Hopeful Marz
They wore their boy's jackets. Their boys drove them to school. Their boys set aside specific time for them. Their boys called them beautiful, cute, amazing, pretty. Their boys made a point to show up and spend time with them.
That's all I wanted: attention. Just telling me you love me everyday just isn't enough. The only times I remember you looking into my eyes and calling me pretty was at banquet, at homecoming, and on the double date. I didn't realize that I was only strikingly pretty when I was in a nice dress. Tell me I look nice when I show up in a nice shirt. Come see me in the morning after you get settled in. Show up randomly on my front porch with a smile and a daisy. When we're walking together, please talk to me, because I don't see you all day. Maybe come spend some free time with me when we're at band competitions. Maybe sit with me in the stands. Insist that I wear your jacket and keep it for a few days. Offer to take me to school. SURPRISE ME. When I'm in a really bad mood at my Halloween party, don't just get all offended when I snap at you. Maybe you should ask me what's wrong.
Just take some blame, that's all. You always made me out to be the one with all the problems. I know I share the blame, because I was just getting whiny and catty. But that's because I was feeling less and less from you.
I love you no matter what. Even if you're a dumb boy that needs to learn a thing or two about how to treat a girl, I'm patient and willing to handle you. People ask me, "Why do you want him back? He's awful." Well, maybe to you he is, but to me, he's the sweetest thing out there. He makes me laugh because I'm not funny. He's really smart and logical where I'm just lofty and imaginative. He's tough, blunt, and beastly, where I'm quiet, gentle, and sweet. We just work. Not to mention he's the only boy who can catch my eye. He's the best looking guy I've ever come across. I just love everything about him... the way I feel so warm when he hugs and holds me, how amazing he smelled, and that look he would make when we were alone together. The lights would be dim and he's stare at me with relaxed eyes and a slight smile that just melts my heart.
And he saw me when no one else did. I've never really had any guys friends... except for him. He was the reason I got into texting, he was the reason I got a Facebook, Twitter, and began blogging. I owe so much of my life to him. He's shaped the world I live in. We always text on Christmas Eve... Perhaps it's ironic that I adore Tarja's "You Would Have Loved This".
He's the only one for me. I hate when people tell me "You'll find someone better." or "He's not the only guy out there." Well you know what? 16 months with him has made him the only guy for me and the only one I want.
xx Sad, But Hopeful Marz
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