Best Weekend :)

And it's not even over yet! Man it's just been a great weekend with no parents and lots of quality time with the man I love. I couldn't have asked for anything more! Now I'm blogging from McDonalds with the little brat and doing some weird thinking.

It's like the day of ex boyfriends. I think one of em was in my dream, I saw one of them at Canes, and then Owen mentioned a junebug and I got all sad because it reminded me of another. Weird. Oh yeah, and then a song came on my iPod that reminded me of yet another :P It's like some weird blast from the past. Weird.

I hope I'm making some good money off this kid. I got some dues to pay and some Ren Faire tickets to buy!

xx I'll Lay In Your Arms, Be Kissin' Your Lips Marz

On The Subject Of Diamonds And Rust

Joan Baez - The original, very beautiful voice and fantastic playing.

Judas Priest - Uhhh, the heavy version sounds like awful. I mean, it's great playing, but I don't like their take on it. It's not musical at all. Strong vocals, love it. **HOWEVER** Their acoustic version is very very nice and plays great homage to the original for such a genre jump. Not too big on Rob's jumpy voice in some bits, but the overall sound clarity makes up for it and I can enjoy it.

Blackmore's Night - Biased, because it was the first version I heard, but my favorite, ha ha. Candace's voice is very close to Joan's, so points there, plus it's so musical and the way she belts out certain lines makes me feel golden and awesome. Such a pretty cover.

Yesssss. I'm a music snob. Not really, I just like covers. And I can't sleep.

xx You Were Always So Good With Words Marz

Five Months

Ahhh, and so today marks five months. Five comfortable, loving, and wonderful months. Here's to many more!

Man, last night was so great :) It was just so nice and... comfortable? Everything just felt right and I couldn't have asked for a better night :) Well, maybe without Emma flipping shits. That would have been great.

Today was a bullshit day filled with a graduation meeting, lunch, meeting the new guard director, drawing, doing band chores, taking notes, more drawing, and watching dumb films on water. TAKS week blows :P

I can't help but wonder. I shouldn't, because it's way over my head, but I still think. When? I know it's possible. I know it's been thought of before. I know the lightbulb flicked on during the exchange of those words. When? I wish I could stop thinking and turn my brain off and quit analyzing the world.

I'm so sick of people telling me to major in something that will get me a good job. I want to do something I love. I don't care if I'm not making 200,000 a year, I just want to be happy and comfortable. I refuse to have a job that I hate...Gahh. I know this won't be the last time I say that college is stressful... I'm not even there yet and already I'm getting bogged down.

I've got a new favorite song. Diamonds and Rust.

xx But It's All Coming Back Too Clearly, Oh I Love You Dearly Marz

Looking Back On Prom Night

What I would give to go back in time and re-do it all. Everything was just a disaster and full of drama, and will forever carry that negative connotation in my mind. Ugh, I wish I could just forget it all. Maybe I should start with hanging up my dress and getting that out of my sight.

I wonder what prom will be like for my kids one day. I wonder how different it'll be and what the dresses will look like and the flower styles. Good God, I'm such a girl. Maybe I need to go to sleep, it's been a long night of fighting dragons, boars, elks, leapordesses, monkey thieves, foxes, and goblins...

I found a new band today! I was reading this online rock and metal magazine and it had an article about this project that a few guys from big power metal bands started called Symfonia and I am in LOOOVEEEE. I love me some good power metal, and those guys are dead on. I also downloaded some more Blackmore's Night and Lady Gaga's "Judas" and threw all of it on the iPod, plus Dark Moor from last week, another wonderful musical find. I think while I'm waiting for Imaginarium, I'm gonna be on a power metal kick. But once Nightwish delivers, I'll be back on that symphonic and gothic metal kick hands down :P LOVE IT! Also, new fave song by Symfonia called "Don't Let Me Go".

xx Don't Let Me Go, I'm Here To Stay Marz

Ugh, Kamelot :(

I keep listening to them... I keep getting sad. Sorry iPod, I know it hurts you, too. But to make up for my musical sadness, I look instead towards the new Nightwish album and relish in the pictures and diaries posted :)

Marco is NOT happy by Ewo's cookie. Look at his angry little face all in the dark corner :)

Emppu's face cracks me up for some reason. I love the lighting on this photo, very dramatic and golden! Ahhh Nightwish, you guys keep me alive with all your hair and music.

Tomorrow morning, my first morning of TAKS week, I have to take the computer in to get it looked at :/ How weird is it gonna look with me carrying an iMac around the mall? Ha ha, laaaame. Oh well, hopefully they can fix it or at least help out. I'll have to make sure and dress cute to try and charm my way into a discount of sorts ;)

I don't get it. I'm a lazy asshole and I hardly turn anything in in env sys, yet I'm still making an 84. How awesome! And a 93 in English is fabulous :) Let's hope I maintain a good lazy/productive balance. Maybe today I'll do my env sys worksheets... or maybe tomorrow during class. I dunno, both are nice options. I love how Sarah said she took AP English to keep herself busy and ward off senioritis with a challenging class... bullshit, that class is easy as balls, plus I have major senioritis and don't do half my work and still score higher than her on everything. Booyah.

Victor and I went to Chili's for lunch, and man was it good. I love me some boneless buffalo wings and ranch, nom nom nom. Plus with his Brinker card, we get half off :) I wish I could get one, but I joined OTB at the wrong time :P Got work at Fish tonight, and something tells me the tornado sirens might be keeping people away. Might be...

xx I Can Hear You Whisper "You And I" Marz

Hi, My Name Is Marissa

I love weddings.
I subconciously organize things by color.
I think skeletons are beautiful.
I feel alive when I hear rain.
I get more excited about drying my flowers than keeping them alive.
I secretly like my job because I can wear black.
I know how to rock a hot glue gun.
I love church architecture.
I secretly judge other girls' makeup jobs.
I don't like people.
I'll never be scared or lonely again.

xx In The Silence Of The Darkness Marz

Mental Blogging

I really wish my brain was linked to this blog, so I could just mentally blog what I'm thinking of instead of trying to remember it later.

It's another sad day in the music world. I read that Roy Khan was leaving Kamelot for a number of reasons... Kamelot just won't be the same. Now, I'm going to support the new singer and the new CDs and whatnot, but Kamelot's sad ballads will be sad without Roy's golden voice :( "Don't You Cry", "Love You To Death", "Anthem", "Wander", and "Abandoned" are some of my favorite slow, sad songs ever and will only sound magnificent when sung by him :( I'm sad... they're like, my second favorite band behind Nightwish.

Went to Fuel City last night, but had to deal with everyone bitching about how shady and ghetto it looked. "Oh my God, tacos from a gas station? Ew~!" "Wahhhh these made me sick!" "There's Mexicans and black people!" Oh my GOD, GET OVER IT. Welcome to Dallas, now get the hell out of my car. Seriously. I need friends that actually like food and can get off their high horses and eat differently for once. Good God. I enjoyed my damn tacos.

Sooooo we just had Easter dinner and it was lame. I'm not a fan of Easter food... ham is so so (Unless we're talking ham and cheese and mayo sandwich), I'm not a fan of scalloped potatoes, cheesey broccoli is good, and although I love mom's deviled eggs, they make me incredibly sick. Plus it's just no fun sitting at dinner with my parents. It's awkward and dull and the conversation always turns into reprimanding me for something. Ughhh.

Now I'm sitting here working on economics and sort of putting off my oceans book. Which I really need to do. I might just type it all up and draw shitty pictures like everyone else. How lazy of me :P It's late anyways, but if I slip it in the pile while he's out of the room, he'll never notice! I love crazy old man teachers :)

Ughhh. It's wedding Sunday. Why aren't I watching my wedding shows?! SHIT.

xx I Can Paint The World With Flowers Grown By Heaven's Gate Marz

Well It's Been A Hectic Week

And I'm choosing not to remember how many times I cried or how many things I blew off.

Anyways, I uploaded all the concentration photos, now I just need to track down the dimensions of them all and pull 5 pieces out of my ass for my Breadth. Cause I thought I had more good stuff to use, and now I'm screwed. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Shit. Uhhhhh.

This is odd... today marks the birthdays of two of my most favorite artists ever, Kyme-chan and MirrorCradle (works below, respectively). Their work inspires me so so so so so sooooo much! I want to be like them some day <3



Such great artists. One day... One day I'll be this good and be in art shows and exhibitions and be known all over the internet :)

xx There's Been Some Confusion For You See My Roommate Is... Blonde Marz

Cooled Down

So I woke up today feeling way better than miserable last night. I woke up, showered, threw on a cool dress, and had a nice afternoon with my guy :) Then I came home to work on concentration piece number 10, ahoy! Got it all done and taken care of. Now just two more to go... ugh. Maybe one if I can use my crumbling church as The Fall Of The House Of Usher. Maybeeeee...

So I got to thinking today, and this is another one of my selfish selfish selfish thoughts. Maybe it's just the hype, or the fact that I'm seeing it everywhere, or the fact that I'm seeing it happen in my pool of friends, but when's it gonna be my turn? Logically it's a horrible horrible idea, but then again, I can't help but think. Gahh. I should just stop, it'll only make things worse.

I realized today that after 18 years, I had my first slow dance with a guy. Wow, like it just hit me. It's weird, when I was younger and obsessed with Tilly and the Wall (I still adore them <333), I always pictured myself slow dancing to "Coughing Colors". No idea why, it just hit me as the perfect song. Wow, I need to stop thinking so much.

Let's see... my friends are assholes, my parents are batshit crazy, my sister is paranoid and acting like mom, and I'm in love with the best guy ever. Life couldn't be any simpler.

xx They'll Have You Coughing Up Your Colors Marz

Well, Prom.

I'm not sure if that was a good prom or a bad one... the night was full of too much fun and too much heartache.

I dunno where to even start. Heather was being a bitch to Victor, then he got all pissy and almost left, I lost Gavin, and then there was the whole ordeal at Ian's. Then everyone's mad at me and making out everywhere I turn and Heather and Gabriel had the audacity to sleep in MY BED and Jamie decided to leave with Connor and sleep at her house and no one but Gavin helped clean up.

Not to mention I drank too much too fast in fits of rage and ended up throwing up and crying and spilling my secrets to Annie and Michael and Silly Mike. It's like I can't focus on the fun stuff because the bad stuff is just too strong in my mind. That and I sort of don't remember the fun stuff... It's like, I was having fun at the dance until the whole Heather-Victor drama and then it wasn't fun anymore. And then when we finally made it back to the house late, I was just in a shitty mood and didn't even want everyone to be there. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything. Of course, Gavin cheered me up when we started the shots.

I think what scared me most was when Victor said that he was scared for me. I don't blame him; if that was me in his shoes, I'd probably be uneasy too. Whatever. It's done and over with now and I lost my goddamned phone somehow. I fell asleep with it under my pillow and when I woke up, it was gone. Awesome.

Gah, I'm just in a bitchy mood today. Everyone is bothering me with their mundane talking and I just wish they'd all leave me alone to sulk and brood. I want to go paint. Or play Sims. I'm glad everyone else on Facebook had a great prom night.

xx She Was A Friend, Stabbed Backs And Broke Plans Marz

It's Prom Day!

Today is the day of my senior prom, my last big call at seniority. Well there's also calling it at the banquets, but still. Either way, I'm awake early on a Saturday morning to start my day... it's like getting ready for a wedding. But less stressful.

Gotta help dad construct our outdoor cabana and then furnish it. Then I gotta clean out bunny's cage and vaccuum up the poop he flung across the room. Then I gotta shower. Then I gotta clean out my car just in case we can't get a limo. Then I gotta get my hurr done. Then I gotta do my nails. Oh shit, I never did smores inventory! Oh well, maybe mom will.

I can't wait to see my flowers and what mom did to them :) I'm so ready to get all glammed up in my white dress and sparkly jewelry and be a damned princess! I think in my mind, I'm going back to that fantasy land that always follows me to San Antonio, that same mindset that glamorizes the dull reality and lets me enjoy my time in another dimmension. Is it a byproduct of synesthesia? Or maybe just an overactive imagination?

Oh God. I hope I'm not crazy. I just like to project myself into a better world...

xx Once She Dreamed Of Romance, Once She Imagined She Lived In A Castle Marz

Castles and Dreams

It always seems those Castles and Dreams
Fade with the morning light...

Oh Blackmore's Night, I love you guys. I just adore Candace's voice... so bold and golden! I had another one of those moments today when I wished I could be as multi-talented as Shelby. Like shoot, the girl can sing and spin and play that bassoon like a boss! I mean, I love my art, but... I want more! It's like the knowledge aspiration on Sims... you just want to know more and more and have skills out the wazoo until it consumes you! I want to sing and play piano and write poems and paint. Mephisto, want my soul?

So I get a note from the counselors saying that I haven't logged onto Econ is six days. Oooooh, six days, big deal! I finished unit four and my class is only seven units long... so what's the big deal? I was given 18 weeks. Don't give me so much time if I only have a little bit of work. So I need to log on every night and make it look like I'm spending a week per unit and not two days. Laaaaame.

Anyways, time to get ready for work and listen to Blackmore's Night <3 SO I SORTA KINDA LIKE FOLK ROCK, GET OVER IT.

xx Solitaire With A Song In Her Heart Marz

Diagnosis

Verbally and mentally fluid, you are refreshing and illuminating to those around you. This is occasionally somewhat discounted by the obvious pleasure that you take in exercising your mental acuity. Although generally peaceful you can often take a verbally aggressive tact in relations with the world, which can often be misunderstood by those around you. Innovative in the extreme, you can often think yourself right out of the correct answer to a given problem. Many times you are referred to as your own worst enemy. You tire very quickly of routine and so make poor clerks or administrative help. You also have no respect for authority and little patience for those you regard as inferior, most especially those in charge. Experimentation is your watchword and can occasionally lead to experience for its own sake and shallow decadence. Your thought can sometimes be scattered and disconnected.

Oh No...

It's Sunday and you know what that means. A long night of David Tutera and being a goddamned girl... shit, I'm making it my goal to be on his show someday! He is truly a god.

I'm feeling all sorts of things tonight. Annoyed, stressed, panicked, relieved, envious, pissed, exhausted, and contemplative. Seriously, ever since going on birth control, I've been so damn moody and generally sad. No wonder women are afraid to take it. It's totally muffed me up... it probably also doesn't help that I'm putting off the off week for another month thanks to GODDAMNED PROM.

Hormones: the ultimate evolution fail.

Oh well. I'll spend my night watching wedding shows until my eyes bleed taffeta and fondant. I'm SUCH A DAMN GIRL. FUHHHHH.

xx So God Put Down Your Gun, Can't You See We're Dead Marz

Upon Waking Up This Morning

I got on Facebook and saw that Leigh's engaged?! WHAT THE HELL. First thing I did was text her and do the whole, "What up, spill." thing. Well damn... that was one of the craziest things I've ever woken up to, not gonna lie. Good for them, though!

Anyways, then I went to work and after a slow slow slow lunch, Victor took me to another On The Border so we could get some guacamole and food. I went for the guac, oh my God, I love guac. I'm an addict for sure. And we had a little heart to heart as far as work ethic goes... He wants to be employee of the month so bad and my managers keep hinting that they want me to be it, too. Looks like we both gotta step it up and work hard!

And now I'm sitting here doing my homework, which is to write a sonnet themed around a surreal motif we discussed in class. Since I can only remember one motif, looks like my sonnet is about death :P It's harder than I thought, because you have to pay attention to the syllables and rhyme scheme and imagery and stanza theme and gah, there's just so much to consider for it to be correct. It's a depressing sonnet, not gonna lie :P I read a lot of Shakespeare's love sonnets, though, and those are really sweet. Once you analyze them a bit and understand what he's saying, they're wonderful pieces of art.

Speaking of art, I need to get my ass in gear and finish the bloody girl painting. And the graveyard painting. SO MUCH ART. I want to go shopping for more art supplies :( Oh, and my hair is atomic purple right now... I wonder how Sealy will take it tomorrow. Ironic how last week I wrote on my senior bio "Advice: Sealy does not like purple hair".

xx Always Dangerous, She Got Me Down On My Knees Marz

Onatra?!

I logged onto dA and this band called Onatra sent me a note saying to check them out cause they're symphonic metal... and I did listen to them and wow, I'm in love! I love the mix of their sounds, pretty haunting but rocks enough in the sense that symphonic metal should rock. And they faved a piece from me, that's cool :) And then I found this picture...


Emppu + Marco... Oh gosh. Marco looks too happy... Emppu questions the advance... but secretly welcomes it. My two boys <3 Emppu makes purple look GOOD AND MANLY.

xx Kiss While Your Lips Are Still Red Marz

What Is Beauty?

I was holding the door open for a lady and she stopped and looked at me. After a few seconds, she kept going on and on about how adorable and cute and goregous I was. She told me to be careful, and that a lot of guys would try to take advantage of me. Then she told me that I had beautiful teeth and that it's an important piece of beauty because her friend with her was once a beautiful model, but lost her teeth and lost her career.

Last week, a man at the bar called me beautiful and a man leaving said "Bye skinny!". It's werid... I don't do well with those kinds of compliments. It's just that modest part of me. I dunno. I never thought of myself that way... I was always the one that felt like I was living in the shadows of other girls. I dunno, looks never really mattered. I don't care if you don't like my makeup or my ripped up black jeans or how I color my hair.

So maybe I am attractive on the outside. What is ugly is what's on the inside, to be honest. I know I'm an ass to people, overly blunt, moderately rude and snarky, and a bit of a bitch sometimes. I say it like it is and don't have time for idiots and immature people. I know I'm a bad person sometimes. I know I'm a sad person sometimes. But I can't help it.

I don't know where I'm going with this... I keep turning it over in my mind, brooding and brooding. Sometimes I wish I didn't think so much about things. I think too deep, too much, too often.

On a side note, I dreamed about Taylor and Kryzzzzz. In the same dream. I'm still mildly weirded out that he moved to England of all places... I wish we still talked. I just feel so bad at how I ended things and ruined everything. I ruined a friendship and a relationship. I just hate how angry I was at the time and if I could, I would take everything back and go back to that strange, but comfortable friendship. I'm sorry I hurt you.

xx Thou Shalt Die Marz

The Colder Water, The Blower's Daughter

Ahhhh, I love Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter". Such a gorgeous song, so sweet and romantic and his voice is dreamy. Anyways. I was on stumble today and found this and realized that it's going into my castle someday.


So my phone's screens ams broked and I have to wait for them to send me a new one next week, ugh. So now I'm suing my G1 and damn, this thang is ghet-to. The screen is smaller, the keyboard buttons are tiny, the phone is bulkier, the software is old and slow, and it's all gritty and dirty from my case. And it doesn't hold a charge, awesome. Oh well. I have most of my apps on this one and my Alchemy game is pretty solid, ha ha :P New G2 on Monday!

I've been having strange dreams lately. One of them I was paranoid because I forgot my shoes before a marching show and the other two I forgot. Lately I've had just... unsettling dreams where in them, I'm paranoid, anxious, terrified, worried, and just all sorts of bad things. Creepy.

Let's see... nothing terribly crazy to rant about. We've been doing a lot of Shakespeare sonnets in class... Most notably 16, 118, and a few others I forgot. 54 is my favorite, but we're not going over it in class :(

Since finishing VA, I pulled the book Fallen off my shelf and gave it another read. I forgot how darkly romantic is was. Reform school romance, no sunlight, dismal campus, live triangles, kids in black being assholes, shadows lurking around, deja vu, reincarnation, crazies, and angels. Messed up romance. Wellllll today in the library, I saw Fallen on the shelf and next to it was A SEQUEL. ONG I LOVE SEQUELS TO TRASHY DARK ROMANCE NOVELS. I might have to go pick it up once I remember the title, ha ha. I also need to go buy some more Micron pens soon... I'm debating on buying a set or individual ones... hard choice. I guess wherever they're cheaper. Asel's might have a better deal, I bet. Bahhh. ART.

Time to go see Jamie and Erin and get Jamie some hipster shoes and a burrito.

xx And So It Is Marz

So Guard Is Over Forever

Yep. Last night was championships, and let me tell you. It was a shit sandwich. Everyone dropped something, and I managed to almost drop Sarah's ladder toss and ended up hitting the ladder really hard. Then I lost control of my flag after the little flag feature and just never truly recovered. Lolsauce, and we forgot the brass ring at school, ha ha ending fail.

It was just a bad night. I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't even enjoy being happy that guard was done with. I haven't had a show like that since sophomore year... It was embarassing.

Oh, and dad didn't show up. Apparently he didn't realize that the word "championships" is equivalent to "hey this is the last show of the season". Next time I'll paint him a picture. Mom didn't understand either. So yeah, the fact that everyone else's parents and brothers and boyfriends and friends and loved ones were there to come watch and support was really damn great.

It's fine. I'm used to it. I can't believe I broke down on the bus, though. I'm at the point where I don't know why I'm crying every night. I just don't know how to cope with anything anymore. I wish my friends didn't have to see that. I wish no one has to see it. It makes me too weak and fragile. I try and come off as tough, stable, and strong, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. I just don't know what to do.

Xx She Didn't Give A Fuck, No, She Had Given Up Marz

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