Goodbye 2012

Jesus has it been a weird year.

January: I sewed my first garment! Also went and saw the Zelda show at the DSO. The new semester started and I actually felt stress free, lolololololol.

February: Pen tool test, ha ha. However did I manage to pass that! Oh Michele, how I miss you. But I had the fun photoshoot with Heather and Sky Pirate!

March: Woo hoo turned 19! I was on a Tudors kick AND GOT THE DAMN FLU ON MY BIRTHDAY. I THOUGHT I WAS DYING. WORST FRIDAY CRIT EVER. At least I got to see my Jamie... and a neurologist. I made a new friend over a shirt.

April: First weekend at Anime Matsuri!! It was horribly fun and amazing. Then more breakdowns and craziness. BUT THEN SCARBOROUGH FAIREEEEEEE! Oh God I love that place! Apparently the burnout was already happening. Awesome.

May: Oh shoot. My crazy was horribly apparent. And it was the sad moving out of the dorm time... packing up is sad, even though it was a crappy dorm room. Dallas Comic Con happened and... just packing up for Italy! AND THEN I LEFT THE STATES.

June: LONDON. AND FLORENCE. AND ROME.

July: Got home from my little Eurotrip. Dyed my hair black. New Jersey.

August: Mmmm, new house! School starts! A-Fest! New Job!

September: Shit started getting weird and parties got hard. My mind seriously started going to shit. I BROUGHT ZORRO HOME! MY BABY BOY!

October: My beautiful Anette left Nightwish. Oh my God. BUT THEN I HAD THE CRAZY IDEA TO DRIVE TO AUSTIN WITH KYLE TO SEE THEM ANYWAYS. Kamelot played too, and it was amamamamamaaazzzziiinnngggg!

November: Well, things got weird and... weird. Life still going downwards. Thanksgiving was funish. So close to being done with school... Started a new job. Left the old one.

December: Well, there's the end of the year. I'm on crazy pills and enjoying a life change. Here's to a better 2013.

Inside My Head

Is something weird.

I woke up at eight and was like, too early. Then I got a phone call from a Denton number and allllmost ignored it, but good thing I answered because it was the new therapist, ha ha. Looks like we're all set to start on the 7th! It's gonna be a day full of doctors, oh yaaaayyy.

Started the meds last night... so far nothing funny. Let's keep it that way. I'm really not a fan of nausea and other bullshit, so let's party hardy.

Well, today is also my day off, and I'm so excited. I'm gonna pack up my bunnies and take them to their second home, and then spend the day with my favorite person doing science and shit. Soooooo excited for that!

Nothing else really going on... Gotta try and get laundry going, then work all day tomorrow, then more laundry and GETTING MY HAIR DID. No more dumpy brown! REDDDDDDD. I might go get some bright red and mix the two for a fun custom color. I just want to be pretty!

I deserve a morning internet derpfest.

xx Solstice Spirits Marz

Shoot, It's December

Well lookie there, its December 3rd already.

I'm done working at the sushi place. It was a real gag, but I'm done with Phu and that place for good. It was a good weekend of friends, work, and... work. Now I'm getting some shit done for class tomorrow. Thank God there's no type class! I get to kind of sleep in and enjoy my two hours of class and then go to work. Woo hoo work! I'm gonna make so much bank.

And like all good things that must come to an end, Anette has decided to stop posting in her blog that's been up for years and has instead started a new, brighter blog with similar themes. It's like a tiny part of me has died again, but it's not that bad, because she's still blogging. I wish I had more time to read and enjoy her blog!

What is my life. Shit's getting weird and good and upsidedown and angry and exhausting but refreshing and... it's just one massive roller coaster. When will my Last Ride Of The Day be?

My favorite songs right now:




xx Sing For The Angel Of Afterlife Marz

And Then I Said Goodbye to Sunrise

Well here we are, unfortunately not in the maelstrom of love, getting some shit out before starting on some homework. Laundry is going, hair is wet, gnome pants are on, and Soul Society is going. I'm loving all my new Kamelot music and have many ideas for a few inspired paintings! And what are the chances, it's sea themed again.

I dunno. It's been a good past week overall. I started work at the new place and this weekend will mark my last at the Fugu. Thank frakin' God. That place sucks balls.

Spending time at home was nice because I got to sleeeeeeep and catch up on my life. And sleep. And wear fancy clothes to the world's easiest job ever. Now I just have to get through the next two weeks and I'll be good to go!

So it's been two years. Funny how fast and slow times flies sometimes. It was a pleasant evening and I look forward to what next year has in store. Knowing us, we'll just both do the same thing, ha ha.

But then there's that whole hat. And not the work hat, unfortunately. Nope, it's the what the hell am I doing with my life right now hat. The one where I feel the need to poison my liver every Friday and procrastinate on life.

xx I Wrote A Letter To The Angels To Follow Me Into The Light Marz

It's Happening

This is actually happening...

and I'm okay with it.

What Is It About November

Why is it that everyone's feelings change in November? What is it about this godforsaken month that flips a switch in people? Is it the weather, or the impending holidays?

It's unbearable, that's what it is. Especially now. I don't know what I am anymore, and I'm struggling to find a way out of this rut. I'm just so tired. The amount of work that keeps piling up just won't stop, and I won't sleep until its done. I can't relax because I know there's always shit that needs to be done. Nothing can ever just stop. I don't want any obligations or things on my schedule. I want to have free time like every one else. I want to sleep.

I don't want this anymore.

xx Sleep Well, Lullay Lullay Marz

There Was A Time

When the nights were warm and the breeze was still, that I purposely created a distance to enjoy the extra time I had. But now the nights are cold and sharp and I find myself making that same path shorter and much more alone.

I guess I'm truly never alone. It's reassuring in a way to know there will always be someone to turn to, but I know it's not what I want. I want to see the world and feel its pain. My love, it lies so deep.

xx You Have Shown Me The Sky Marz

DONE WITH THIS

NIGHT TWO OF STAYING UP ALL NIGHT BEFORE COM DESIGN BLOCK.

What weirds me out is that I'm just not tired. Tomorrow's gonna blow... hopefully I fit in that nap before work. No brownies tomorrow. Just napping, then work, then come home and goof off.

The songs I just can't stop listening to:
HIS VOICE IS SO DARKLY GOLDEN AND BEAUTIFUL. HE'S SINGING TO ME, LIKE HE DID 9 YEARS AGO.


And then this... I LOVE trios, and this is one of the most beautiful ones. Raol's voice is pure gold. It's such a gorgeously emotional mix of voices and feelings. SO MUCH DRAMA AND LOVE!


And then of course, the omitted song from the film. WHY DIDN'T THEY PUT THIS IN THE MOVIE. Oh my God, he's so dreamy. And this song is just pure love for Christine.

You know what, I can actually sing Dulcinea. Hmmm.

xx No One Would Listen, No One But Her Marz

Confessions

I still rip my toe nails off.
I secretly do like being picked up.
I correspond with practically strangers.
I see strength in others, but can't call upon that strength for myself.
I don't spend as much time on my work as I should.
I do the bare minimum.
I don't challenge myself nearly enough.
I'm lazy.

What a bizarre week it's been.  And I'm sick now -__-

xx Night By Night Marz

I Thought I Was Done With This Shit!

But apparently the gods love to play pranks on me and remind me just again where my place in life is. I tell myself that it all hurts and is unfair, but then I stop and realize how ridiculous I sound.

This. Should. Not. Be. Bothering. Me. So. Much.

Part of me says it's okay, because I get what I want in the end. Kind of? Do I want that? There's a whole nother issue in itself... or do I want it because I can't have it? OR! Do I want it because someone else has it? I don't know. I feel like it's more towards the latter because it used to not bug me so much. But now the question... what the hell am I going to do to end this? Surely the signs on my part have to be apparent. If not, then shit. Waste of my effort.

xx Ever Felt Away With Me, My Love It Lies So Deep Marz

Anette :(

Why did you have to go.

God she is so pretty. I love you and miss you everyday! 

xx Goodnight Kiss For A Child In Time Marz

Homework Done Before Midnight

Actually, it was done before ten. Oh man, did it feel so good!

This weekend was just the weekend I wanted and needed. No work, lots of loving, lots of lounging, and plenty of SLEEP. The only thing that worries be about nights that I get so much sleep is that I wake up more often. The waking up part doesn't bug me, it's the fact that I change dreams everytime I fall back asleep and my head is into some weird shit. I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart... Why. Why brain. Stop making this harder than it needs to be.

I guess there's really only a month and what, three weeks left of school left? Crazy how fast it's going. It'll be over before I know it! On God, Christmas break and weeks of playing Minecraft and AC3. Weeeeeeeks of it. So much sleep and laziness.

I was so surprised to see that Anette started writing in her blog again so soon! Nothing about Nightwish, but looooots of stuff about bullying, fashion, and the forest. I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT NIGHTWISH. ANETTE. COME ON AND LOVE ME.

xx Trust Me, You Are The One Marz

I SAW NIGHTWISH

Oh. My. God. I can't believe I actually saw my beautiful Finnish gods live... in person... so close to them...

Quite frankly, I think it was worth driving to Austin after all the bullshit bad luck I've been having. Besides, I never get to have a Nightwish/Kamelot sing a long because no one I know but Kyle likes them. The drive was perfectly timed and the show was incredible. Kamelot was fantastic, but I was hoping for a better setlist. I imagined they'd play either Soul Society, When the Lights Are Down, or Center of the Universe, but nope, none of those. The new singer was real damn good! He sounds a lot like Roy already, and packs incredible talent. Not to mention how awesome the Kamelot chick singers are!

And then... Oh sweet Odin. NIGHTWISH CAME OUT. I wish they didn't start with Storytime only because I really don't like how Floor sings it. She did fine on all the other songs, but I just don't like her voice with Storytime. Emppu was right in front of us and he is the funniest guy up there, making faces and doing silly little things. But sometimes Marco would switch places with him... OH SWEET ODIN MY MARCO. He grabbed his crotch and shook it at Emppu. HIS CROTCH. HE WANTED US TO LOOK AT THE MAGNIFICENCE THAT IS PURE FINNISH GOD. I never stopped smiling. And then at one point, he pointed his guitar at me and smiled. AT ME. MARCO KNOWS I EXIST. I almost died.

It was just so hard to believe that they were really there. That Tuomas was there, that Marco and Emppu were running around the stage, that Troy was sitting there busting those pipes out, and that Jukka was rocking out in the back with some insane amount of energy. I could care less about Floor honestly. If it was Anette, my mind would have been double blown to see my idol standing there and singing with the most beautifully dynamic voice I know.

But when I saw them bring out chairs and Marco's black guitar, I LOST MY MIND. HE WAS SINGING THE ISLANDER. He sang it in a way I've never heard before... it was soft and almost whispered. Not hearty like he normally sings it, but this time is was something velvety and soft that I just wanted to wrap up in and live there forever. God his voice is incredible. So I lost my mind for that song, and I knew they'd end with Last Ride Of The Day, which is another one of my favorites. I liked that they played Ever Dream and acoustic Nemo, too. Story of Myself was nice too, but it's Anette's passion in it that makes it perfect for me. Sorry Floor.

Overall, it was literally one of the most incredible and unbelievable nights of my life. So much magic and passion to listen to. I hope to never forget it.

xx Walk The Dark Path, Sleep With Angels Marz

A Proper Name

It's like I get into these weird mindsets where I dive deeply into something that isn't the real world. It happens all the time while I drive, which is pretty scary. It's not like a blackout, just just like someone came in and redesigned the movie set that is my mind and I'm just so deeply focused on it that I forget what's going on around me.

When I work, I go into the tunnel vision, but it's all brooding and warped. Maybe it's the music, or maybe something else, but I imagine myself locked up in a tower working my hands away with Nox Arcana in the background. Weird shit.

I bought a lot of patterns today. SEWING FOREVER.

xx Dead In A Dream For True Love's First Kiss Marz

Eliza Doolittle

Must have felt like this after the ball. Things are too coincidental sometimes... like tonight. And ironically enough, we learned about coincidence versus premonition tonight! Cool shit.

So there was the vision, then the action. The preparation, the journey. The greeting, the stab in the face. Then the warm breeze. Then the fur stole. I'm starting to see what's going on in my head. Good plot for a book!

xx I Understand Dear, It's All Been Grand Dear Marz

Inspired By Ellen

I'm going to write a story called "The Couple That Wasn't Supposed To Be" and Ellen will the the fairy godmother in the story and it's going to be amazing. I love the ideas we come up with in the house between everyone's guy drama... very me gusta. It's almost as good as my idea to turn the hallway into a bowling alley. It needs to happen. Too many good ideas and not enough time... bahhh. Story of my life. If I got a dollar for every time I said that, I might have enough money to not have to go to school.

xx No Backward Glances Marz

That Awkward Moment When...

...you have the same hairdo as your husband.



One thing I really don't like about Beauty and the Beast 2, and even the first movie, is that you can't really gauge the exact time era. Cogsworth makes the statement about the castle's inverted vaulted ceilings being from the neoclassical baroque period, but I'm not so sure. It's like, the fashion of the court looks more rococo than baroque. It's definitely not revolution era, and it's too simple to be baroque, so I'm placing it in rococo era fashion, but a very simplified rococo. Hmmm. This will bug me.

One more reason why I love my boys:

Well, that's that. It's all fun and games until it's time to prioritize.

xx Don't Fall In Love Marz

ANETTE GONE FROM NIGHTWISH

I almost couldn't believe it when I read the words during class this morning. Anette... splitting up with Nightwish?! What?! So many thoughts going through my head... I can't believe she's gone. I think it had to do with her health though, since she was in the ER a few nights ago when they were in the western states and they found a cyst on her liver. I dunno, the press statement made by the band makes it sound like the two parties have separate agendas, but Anette made it sound like her health was taking over. And then I saw that comment she made about how she was angry about not being informed that they replaced her with Kamelot's female vocalists while she was in the ER. Well, the show must go on, and I commend Nightwish for finding replacements, but she really should have been notified. At the same time, I've heard Tuomas is a bitch to work with...

I just can't believe it. Ever since I missed them playing in Dallas five years ago, I made it my goal to see her and the band live one day. This was supposed to be it... I love Anette. She's practically been my idol everyday since I was a freshman in high school. I dyed my hair purple because it looked good on her. I took more consideration into my wardrobe because of her style and followed her looks as often as she would post them on her blog, which she has now ceased writing in. I can't even sing, but you know what? She inspired me to try. She had such a good heart and always worked hard to overcome the challenge of being Tarja's replacement. She always preached kindness to others and respect for nature and the world we live in. She is the most beautiful person inside and out that I know, and I'm so deeply crushed to face the fact that she's not a part of Nightwish anymore. The rest of the day will be nothing but Dark Passion Play, Imaginaerum, and the few songs I have of her singing Tarja songs.

Romantic Movie List

If I had a free day to just sit around and have a romantic movie day, I would pick these, in this order:

- Beauty and the Beast
- Ever After
- Phantom of the Opera
- The Piano
- The Crow
- Edward Scissorhands
- Man of La Mancha
- Moulin Rouge

Although they're not all technically romances, they make me feel the warmest fuzzies I could ever feel. I love it all. Although sometimes, I wish I didn't know what that loving feeling felt like just to be able to feel... basic. Average. I dunno.

xx Were You Once An Outcast Too Marz

SUOOOOMMIIIII

The more I read about Finland, the more I fall in love with it and can't wait to visit someday. I want to see the fortress on the islands, Helsinki, Lapland, eat the crazy nature inspired food, and be in the land of pale blonde people. Oh, and maybe catch some good music! I'm even wearing my shirt now!

Today was good and bad, which is unfortunate. I woke up and went to English, which was an okay class, nothing special. After that, I went and got a haircut to get rid of these nasty frizzy ends once and for all (Well, for now, really) so I'd stop feeling so gross looking. Satisfying haircut for $4.50! Then I went and got my new phone and ate some Wingstop! Mmmmmm. I have to cut back from ten to eight wings, cause I can never finish the last two. I was bummed to turn off my beloved G2 that has served me for the better part of two years, but upgrade is upgrade. I like the new phone for the most part! I got a case for it off Amazon for a few bucks, so that'll be good.

What else... I skipped class tonight to continue with the me day. I spent the evening working on illustrations and actually got them printed on the plotter with no problems! I just have to cut them out now and finish refining my type babies. So no going to bed at four, but if I don't get my lazy ass in gear, I just might be! I never really ate dinner either... hmm. Maybe it's food time.

Oh man, I need to get the film score from Imaginaerum. And I need to find a download for the instrumental Imaginaerum songs that I already have because Turn Loose The Mermaids and Taikatalvi are bound to be beautiful. Oh my God, why is Tuomas such a musical genius? This man needs to go down in history for the most beautiful music.




OH GOD EMPPU, PLAY THAT BEAUTIFUL MELODY.

xx The Mermaid Grace, The Forever Call Marz

AC CONFESSIONS?!

I'm Going To Miss The Gravel Crunch

Well this weekend has passed in a blur of naps, work, sleeping, passing out on the bathroom floor, naps, and now it's ending with homework. I REALLY wanted to watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks, but I couldn't find a site to watch it on. So I ended up going with The Piano because at least Netflix works. Oh God, I forgot how much I love this movie. The way Baines looks at Ada just makes my heart melt. LOVE ME TOO, BAINES.

Bleh. I just want to sleep. Not really, here's a list of things I want to do.

- Update my Amazon wishlist
- Finish my Subaru wings
- Pick out colors and trims for Ren dress
- Pick out shit for Belldandy
- Clean my room
- Paint insignia
- Finish Revelations
- Reorganize my closet
- Finish ripping pockets off my work shirts

OH SWEET SANTA CLAUS SHIT.

xx They Grew And Grew To The Steeple Top Marz

Vanilla Twilight?

I literally haven't listened to this song in two years, and it's weird now. I dunno, I don't like it.

In unrelated news, I got a great night of sleep last night and a fantastic day today. Lots of sleep, easy writing class, a quiet afternoon of Chickfila and Ah! My Goddess (Which I'm in love with now), a brief Skepticism test review, and just general hanging out with my friends. It was a great day off! I need more like these.

So right now I'm gonna knock out my homework real fast and then start working on my Subaru wings! I want to make a Belldandy costume now... sooooo bad. Her costume is so cool, but looks like a huuuuge bitch to make :P But it's one of those costumes that could be glammed up so well, so I could definitely play around with it. Maybe one dayyyy.

xx He Looks Conceited, What A Total Bummer Marz

These Feels

I often feel this charismatic when I talk about things I love. Like, I literally always picture this in my head.

Zorro and Lita have been fighting and it's driving me crazy. Homework has piled up and it's making me sad. Boooo life.

What I wish my life was like:

What my life is really like:

xx You're Gonna Have To Hold On Marz

Ten Days

Was all it took.



"I used to think if I cared about anything, I would have to care about everything and I'd go stark raving mad."

xx Now Look At What You've Done To Me Marz

I Should Make Story Playlists

1. I've Just Seen A Face
2. Dangerous Kind
3. Something
4. Killing Loneliness
5. Flight Over Venice
6. Night After Night
7. If I Fell
8. Your Song
9. Run To You
10. A Feast For The Vain
11. Just For Tonight
12. Make This Minute Last
13. I Wasn't Prepared
14. Gone With The Sin
15. It Won't Fade
16. Things I'll Never Say
17. Guilty
18. Catherine Howard's Fate
19. Nothing Ever Dies 
20. If I Can't Love Her
21. El Tango De Roxanne
22. Jack's Lament
23. Lose You Tonight
24. Yesterday

xx She Is Smiling Alone Marz

Whoah, Life Resumes

Seriously, yesterday was like this huge breath of fresh air. Life is okay, things are going well, work wasn't too awful... everything was good. It feels like it's been weekends since this last weekend/all the bullshit, but it's really only been a few days.

Safe to say I'm all good now. I have time to do things and sleep well. I've been eating better. I've bought all sorts of new things for the new bunny (Hopefully Zorro!) and I learned that Lita actually loves me a lot. My head is so cleared now, on all fronts. I know what I have to do to make things work and what I can't do to make sure I stay out of trouble.

It's so nice to be able to chilllllll out. Everyone was right, it's gonna be alright. Jim Sturgess says so.


xx Take A Sad Song And Make It Better Marz

Last Night

I hit rock bottom. Literally.

I'm Danielle and Katherine, Mort and Louis, Emily and Anne, Kim and Satine.

I Seem To Be Jealous

Of everyone and everything.

They all have time to sleep in, to nap, and to get ready before class. They can afford to take the time to make a nice dinner, to hang out and watch a movie, to actually sit down, and to do personal projects. They have the convenience of someone to love them at any time of the day or night, and they have time to see people. They have time to read things that aren't assigned and to have drama among friends and love interests.

All in all, I guess I'm just jealous because things are changing an aren't what I was expecting. The few pleasures I have in life, guilty or justified, are gone now. I feel like I'm fighting and there's no payoff, like being stuck in the middle of the ocean and trying to swim to some far off shore. I'm like Anne and Katherine combined in a sick and twisted way.

xx You Will Suck The Life Out Of Me Marz

Disney Confessions Say It All

New Shoes

I remember many months ago when I blogged about the notion of walking in the mall and seeing a pair of shoes in the window. About how those shoes are gorgeous and expensive and would look so awesome with that one dress, and how much you want them. But then you ask yourself, why do I want these? I already have my favorite pair of shoes that I wear with that dress. Is it worth the cost of buying them? Is vanity worth it? Vanity, greed... it's all the same.

What I'm trying to say is I don't know what I want in life, and it's consuming me.

xx When You Hold Me Marz

Shit's Due

Shit's due shit's due shit's due in less than eight hours... oh god, so much to do. I just want to sleep. I'm stressing out and eating Pocky and drinking coffee. I just can't focus here... I need to leave. My dumbasses are being loud, and I can't play music or else I'll wake up the sleeping bear. Oh God.

xx The Show Must Go On Marz

The Last Few Days

Have passed in a blur. I haven't slept much, I've skipped eating, I've consumed many cans of orange Monster, and... what is my life.

It's strange, really. The way it all began; so uncertain and with one goal in mind. Work work work. Day one was killer, but the night really took me by surprise, since it was the latest I've stayed up in years. And when I woke up the next morning, I felt odd. What is my life, what am I doing here... Then the circle began again for the next two days. By day three, I felt like Danielle... which worried me.

There's nothing wrong with feeling like her. She's a wonderful person with bright ideals and burning romanticism, but something changed and I knew exactly what she meant when she cried in the ruins. Immediately I transformed from Danielle to Mort... It bothers me how my mind works sometimes.

And then there was that damn movie.

xx You Crazy Fool, I Won't Give Into You Marz

Oh Blog.

Oh how I've missed talking to you in my busy life the last few months. What with a new job and school and cons going on, I haven't had the time for you.

Although a strange thought crossed my mind. Is the sake of convenience worth it? Why are there so many greys in between black and white? Why do I find extreme joy in the idea, but with underlying awkwardness? What if I'm just overthinking it. Maybe I shouldn't have left, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I wanted it. Some friends are out to screw you over, but some aren't all that bad afterall.

xx So How Could I Dance With Another Marz

This Whole House

Oh my God. This whole house situation is absolutely disgusting. I just want to be in my house and happy and ready for school.

I WAAAAAS in a mood to write, or to paint or draw, but now I'm not. Noooope. Balls. All I can do is listen to the ending of Poet and the Pendulum a million times and get lost in Annette's passion.



Maybe I'm back in the mood to draw at the computer, like I used to when I was younger and had a million sheets of paper with doodles, hex color codes, websites, and blurbs. Fuhhh.

xx In The End I Will Always Love You Marz

German Johnny Depp

Seriously, this guy is like a German Johnny Depp.  And then I noticed he had a Jack Sparrow poster in the background. What's that line Johnny said, something like if you're in love with someone, and someone else comes along and you have to choose between the new one or the old one, choose the new one because he had something first one didn't. It's kind of weird, but makes sense. Well done. Mr Depp.

So, I found an Ikea closet on Craigslist! I feel so productive, and I'm glad I looked. I saw lots of pretty vintage and antique wardrobes, but nothing in my price range. I'm looking forward to paychecks, though! I know exactly what I want to do with my money, too. 30% of each paycheck is going into savings so I can save up for a new laptop. A NEW laptop! I've never had one! I want a new one before junior year, so here's hoping I meet my goal! I'm not gonna be overly frivolous, but there are books I've been eyeing on Amazon for months.

xx She Was The Sun Shining Upon The The Tomb Marz

THIS SONG

It came on Pandora and I can't stop listening to it. It's just sooooo pretty. I think someone on Youtube called it goth dancing music? Whatever ;P It's so pretty. Her voice is gorrrrrgeous.

Well it's August 1 (2nd now, I guess, on eastern time) and my stomach knows that it's time. I had my first God awful stomach cave in tonight and was ready to die. Now we'll see how long it takes to subside. I seriously need to go get more stomach meds, since what I have are only samples. I guess I'll go see Dr. Case so she can get me those meds, check my bloodz for anemia, and fix my foot, cause I'm sick of the pain. It's ollllld now.

It just sucks being in this agonizing pain. I wish I was blowing it out of proportion, but I'm not. It's like, I can feel all the acid in my esophagus just bubbling, so it's like I have to perpetually throw up, in addition to my entire abdomen turning and burning and imploding on itself. This vacation is horseshit now. Someone trade stomachs with me, please.

xx LIKE A ROSE ON THE GRAVE OF LOOOOVE Marz

DOUBLE WHAMMY

So, Nightwish and Kamelot are playing the same show in Austin in October.

WELL EPICA IS PLAYING AT TREES ON NOVEMBER 19 :DDDD

I think I'm obligated to go see Epica since I've never seen them before and since I love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love them. Simone, sing for me! Oh man, I'm so excited. That's gonna be a fantastic show.

Well I went to the beach today and came home with a nasty sunburn. Tomorrow will be a good day to bum around and be lazy and MAYBE work on my passport. I read some of my Assassin's Creed book today and read probably a third of A Rose In The Woods last night. Man that book is so hard to get into at first because everyone but Eirene has the worst style of speaking, but once she becomes Lady Saxton, it gets easier. Since I've read it already, the major plot point is already burned into my mind and makes it less fun to read, but I'll eat that Stockholm Syndrome up until the last page. Google needs to put more romance novels on sale so I can get some new ones.

Bleh. I miss my bunny and my man and my bed and my big computer and my closet and my puppy and my bathroom.

xx Where The Apples Gets A Youthful Face Marz

S Bethlehem Pike

Is where my heart resides. Or it would, if I had enough money. I'm just going crazy for the beautiful castle houses on that street. After doing some research on the orphanage, I'd kill to visit it! But The little castle houses, oh God.

 

I'm just in loooooove.

xx A Swan Of White She Came To Me Marz

TO THE AIRPORT

 IN FOUR HOURSSSS. No sleep for this guy, and it's gonna be brutal. But that's okay, because I have Therion.



I could seriously listen to this performance for hourrrsss. There's just so many right things going on. The hair, the sound, the vocals, the EVERYTHING. Like this one, that I've had stuck in my head lately. Oh Candace, teach me how to sing like you.



I DON'T WANT TO GO TO PHILLY. WOOOO WOO MUSTARD. Can I just stay home with my art and bunny?

xx Sweet William On His Deathbead Lay Marz

Handel's Lament

Was the name of a piece I performed for my solo in 8th grade. I remember the tune vividly, especially the crescendo up to that D, or maybe it was even an E, that I could never reach. I know when I did get it, my private tutor would congratulate me. It's funny, looking back, the only thing that kept me from progressing on horn was that I never had the confidence to blow enough to get past the MIDDLE C. Middle C. The C on the staff. Jesus, that held me back, just because I couldn't get up high enough. And then everyone else is hittin' that E like it's nothing. Lack of confidence is what kept me from moving forward. But maybe it's better than I dropped horn, cause that one choice changed my high school life completely.

But anyways, the piece. Apparently it's not just a piece he wrote called Lament, but from a piece called Lascia Ch'Io Pianga, which is from his opera Rinaldo. Jesus, I must have spent an hour this morning listening to arias and operas and oratorios just to find this. And I'm glad I did.


And now I contemplate how much longer I want to lay in bed or go downstairs, because I don't want to be anywhere near mom right now.

xx I Want Your Spell, I Want Your Voodoo Marz

Shit On My Mind

1. I hate that now that I've updated Firefox, it doesn't remember some of my most visited URLs, which makes rapid typing in the search bar harder.

2. I finished The Heir yesterday and I REALLY hate Anna for turning down Westhaven's six proposals, but I hate Westhaven just as much for waiting until the seventh to tell her that he loved her. It's still one of the most amazing books I've ever read and no book I read after is ever as good. I feel like Westhaven when I put sugar on my pineapples like he puts extra sugar in his lemonade.

3. My hair is black. Oh yes, it's blacker than the blackest black times infinity. I like it a lot! I feel like Anette <3 I only stained my bathroom to get this pretty color! I'm sure it's not gonna be fading anytime soon, so, it's a good thing I like it. I AM ZATANNA. And Marceline and Dawn. Well, Dawn's hair is blue. Ehhhh, close enough. I guess Marceline's is blue too. Who cares, I'm so fabulous now.

Not sure what else to do today. I guess I could clean stuff up. Hmmmmmmmm.

xx So I Run Run Run Marz

Musical Mood

My favorite things to sing while working. It's been a rough few days, but one thing's been the same. Ever since picking The Heir back up, I've been addicted to all the juicy romanticized idea of life. It's weird, but it makes me happier in a way, having that loving feeling in me, even though I'm just reading a book. One of my favorite parts of the book:

"Someday, she thought, I want to love a man so thoroughly that even when he pours tea for my guests, it is merely one more reason to be pleased with him and with my life because he is in it."

NOW IF ONLY ANNA WASN'T SUCH A SECRETIVE BITCH AND WOULD ACCEPT WINDHAVEN'S MULTIPLE PROPOSALS TO BE HIS DUCHESS. I could eat this up for days. But, it's time to get back to work. AHOY, DRAWING PENCILS!

xx Every Wave In The Lake Cause The Porcelain To Break Marz

I'M HOME

OH SWEET JESUS I'M HOME. But who cares, because I just found the most amazing thing ever.

FUCK YEAH NIGHTWISH MEME!

Oh my God these are awesome. I can't stop laughing, especially the ones about Tuomas looking like Jack Sparrow. Tam used to always say that when he looked at my wallpaper. Really, these memes are so dumb, but I love my band and I'm dying over here.

Hopefully now that I'm back at home, I can post regularly again. I just really didn't feel like writing about my day on here after I told it to five different people and a sketchbook. But, hopefully the jetlag goes away so I can stop going to bed at 10 PM and actually enjoy my summer hours when I can totally stay up late without really having to (It's less fun when you're up til four doing layouts).

I dunno, things are changing all around. People are changing, relationships are changing, priorities are changing, life is changing. Just a lot of weird things going on here and in the next few weeks. I really just want to be settled into the new house already and just get it over with so I can start mentally prepping for the school year. Not like I really do that anyways, but, it's nice to not have to worry about packing for a trip, going on the trip, the bunnies, packing my room, moving, unpacking, and bonding the two bunnies.

I'm so damn tired. I need to try and stay awake a little longer. Soda's not helping!

xx I'd Wait For You If You Want Me To Marz

Dis Why I Lub Nighwisss

Most badass man alive, most incredibly passionate composer, and the most talented pipe player, all being cute for the camera. I love these guys. I miss Tam looking at my wallpaper and seeing Tuomas and going "JOHNNY DEPP!".

I don't want to write on my blog because I write in my sketchbook everyday. And either way, I still can't write about everything I really want to no matter if it's in a book or online. Blehhh. I love Italy, and I don't want to go back home.

While I'm working here though, I've been listening to the Nox Arcana playlist I found on Youtube. 100 beautiful songs to get me through the dumbassery. But I think my favorite album is Winter's Eve, followed by Winter's Knight. I want to either buy or illegally download both of them. Mmmmm. I love me some Nox Arcana. Such a good gamble buy on iTunes.

xx Oh Goodly Sport, Oh My Consort Marz

Italy Approaches!

I'm surprised I haven't blogged all week. So many adventures and so many exciting things! I only thought about blogging because Wind in the Willows came on my iPod and mentioned England. I had Streets of London stuck in my head the other day while we were walking, and it was nice :) And then Catherine Howard's Fate while we were at Hampton Court, how FITTING.

In three hours, a cab will pick us up and take us to the airport. In five hours, we'll be flying to Rome, where Gina and Hailey will be waiting for us! And our Italian adventures will carry out. I wish I could explain how excited I am for Italy, but I can't. It's a profound, comfortable, unspoken kind of excitement. I should go pack now...

xx Have You Seen The Old Girl Who Walks The Streets Of London Marz

Last Night In My Own Bed

For six weeks.

I need to get to sleep, but I'm too awake. It's been a pretty shitty day of laying in bed and getting over whatever sick I caught. Last night was too brutal... ugh. Throwing up is bad enough and worse when you're throwing up fish. Sooooo gross. And then the chills and the fever and the headaches... Not fun. Not to mention I had to cancel all of my plans for today. No big deal, I'll just wake up nice and early tomorrow...

I'm nearly packed, which is good. Just a few oddball things to print out and shove in my bag tomorrow. Oh man, tomorrow's really it. No more bed, no more bunnies, no more Lita and Emma, and no more Dr Pepper. No more home cooked food, no more driving, and no more costuming. Worst of all, I'll spend every day missing my favorite person and it'll drive me crazy.

I don't know, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but I'm also not dreading it. We'll see, tomorrow's the start of a new adventure.


And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll find Jim Sturgess there and he'll sing for me.

xx Take A Sad Song And Make It Better Marz

GTFO Your High Horse

Just because you did soooo much work doesn't mean you own the show. It's annoying. What do you think this is, one giant contest? Because it's not. You don't need to be trying to one up me on everything. It's not funny or cute, and no one likes a bitch. You're just lucky I'm too passive to say anything.

On a much different and equally cryptic note, you can't say that. That's the one thing that catches my attention. I can only equate it to an exhale with nearly closed eyes.

Shit. Can I just go to Italy already?

xx Because The Sky Is Blue Marz

Dallas Comic Con!

Woooo! Me and the crew went to Dallas Comic Con today! It was pretty fun, but Jesus all I wanted to do was look for shit to buy. But noooooo, we get swarmed with people wanting pictures every two steps. Seriously, I want some me space too :P But it was fun overall. We saw Adam West and Burt Ward's panel, which was funny. Ben was there, which was awesome! Good times, but now my feet are killing me. At least at the hotel cons we can go upstairs and relax ;P

Last night I sewed my sash and my cape and started on the pauldron, but it's gonna be a huge bitch to sew, so hello hot glue gun. I ALMOST messed up on the cape, but magically I ended up doing it right after all and now have a beautiful one armed cape :P Sooo exciting! I really need to make the hood.

What else... not much I guess, just been unpacking and repacking and getting shit together for Eetaly. And London. CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE LONDON! I should watch Sweeney to prepare for the trip. I'll watch that, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, all the Harry Potter movies, and... I think that's all the movies I have that deal with London. Hmm.



TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK.

xx I Have Sailed The World Marz

Wonderful Wednesdays

Mmmm, today was a nice day. Not only did I sleep in, but I had an awesome afternoon with my best friends and then with my favorite guy. We went and saw The Avengers and then got some awesome Qdoba after. And I mean awesome. I don't know what was better, Thor or my burrito. Oh God, his deep golden voice, leather covered body, and unkempt, but touchable hair... mucho gusta. I see a female Thor costume in my future when I run out of ideas...

Man, I want to do things, but I'm one item short. I want to start my contour drawings, but I need a sketchbook. I want to work on my pauldron, but I need more fabric. I guess I could unpack or read, probably read, ha ha. Looks like my night's been made for me, Skype and Sonic it is! And bunny cuddles and Medici readings. And lemon bars. But I really just want some cuddles and more man time.

xx So Many Lonely Roads Marz

Con Problems

Well, it seems my life is moving in two week increments. So I get back from Italy, and two weeks later we go to Jersey for a week, week and a half or something like that. Then two weeks later, it's San Japan in San Antonio. And two weeks after that, it's A-Fest in Dallas.

And at this point, I don't think I can go to either.

If not for going to the shore, I could probably find a job sooner. And it's gonna be a bitch to find a job between coming back from the shore and San Japan, because I'll also be moving to Denton then. As it stands, there is no way I could afford to go to both. Probably not even one. For each con, it's going to be $50 for a badge and at least another $80-130 for my share of the room, and if we go to San Antonio, gotta pitch in for gas money. It's just not possible. That's really awesome Heather that you're gonna take pictures with Crystal because she's bringing Jinx to San Japan and you plan on going to both cons, but I want to know where you're getting all this money from when you don't have a job, either.

I dunno, it's bumming me out because I'm putting so much time and effort into my assassin costume and con weekends are the things I look forward to most out of the year. Like I'm genuinely down about this. I'd love to be able to go to San Japan, but it's not in the cards. No cons seem to be in the cards this year, unless I get reaaallll lucky. Sorry assassin costume, you'll see the light of day next year.

In other news, I looked at three of my four grades.

xx He Sets The Sails One Last Time Saying Farewell To The World Marz

Uh Oh, New NW Merch :)

          
So Nightwish updated their shop! Lots of new shirts and a few older ones are on sale, like the second one up there. I looove that one! The first one is new and really neat, and has writing on the back. The third one is from the same time as the first one, and also has stuff on the back. Me gusta. There's some cool girlie ones I like, and a lot of them are on sale! If not for Italy, I'd buy me some new Nightwish swagggg. Especially the Master Passion Greed towel. I'd use the shit out of that.

xx In These Cruel Children's Games Marz

ALWAYS GOOD TO BE BACK HOME AGAIN

Well I'm sitting in the office on the big Mac and to my right is a massive pile of my dorm shit. It still feels weird to be back home, but kind of nice at the same time. It was a long day, and quite frankly I don't want to think about today, or yesterday, or the day before that. It's just been a long mess of days, and I'm glad it's over.

I'm gonna sleep goooooood tonight. Hopefully.

xx And Then While I'm Away I'll Write Home Every Day Marz

Last Night In My Dorm

So I'm laying in bed and it's the last night I'll ever sleep in the dorm. Goodbye my comfy Jersey cotton sheets and foamy mattress topper. This bed is so comfy.

Well I had an interesting day. Woke up, cleaned, packed, had mom come get some boxen, got book making supplies with Ethan and Tam, then came back to go to the lab to print. Somehow I spent six hours in the art building either printing or cutting or dealing with the demon stapler. And then after six hours of working with Tam, I went and worked with Eric for three more hours. I made my book while he cut paper, but my book looks like shit because of the shiny black I used and the stupid white glue. Seriously. I need a glue somewhere in between hot glue and white glue... oh wait, Mod Podge. Sure.

Luckily I'm really good at coming up with crazy solutions to problems, which I find very handy in times like these. Unfortunately I told Eric to cut off too much selvage, so unless we do a realllllllll simple spine, it's gonna have to be the book like I did. More shit to do tomorrow that I didn't plan for! I'm stressing out about nothing really... I do have time, especially now that it's crunch time.

I'm just ready to go home and not do annnnything. Love on my bunny and my puppy. Sleep. Play Sims. Play Minecraft. Draw. Paint. Sandwiches. Boyfriend. Big bed. Real food. Cable. Life.

xx All You Need Is Love Marz

First Mistake Of Com Design

Don't ever throw out your sketches until you truly are finished with the classes. Oh my God. I can't believe I held onto them for all these weeks, then decided to throw them out three days before I needed them.

And thus, today has been a rough and shitty day. I just wasn't myself. EVERYONE was bothering me, texting me, calling me, knocking on my door... it was a nightmare. I freaked myself out and just couldn't think. It's still not over, ugh. And then Dorothy bothered me about the lease AGAIN. Look, it's not that I'm avoiding it, but that I have fifty million other things going on that are a little bit more important than a house that we're not even dealing with for three more months. And she knows I don't leave campus except to go home. I'm real glad that she just took the easy way out of college, but I'm over here trying to stay on track. We all have to make sacrifices for what we want and what we need, and I'd rather sacrifice pleasure for success and to know that I'll be well off in life.

I'm just ready to go home. I don't want to think about anything, or do anything. I want to paint, I want to draw. I want to play Minecraft and Sims and cuddle my bunny. As Mr. Sealy used to say, we need a few days to reorganize our lives. He used to say that after shows and contests, and it makes more sense now than it ever did then. I'm tired of living in a half packed room, dodging boxes and bags and staring at blank walls. I need color, I need inspiring things, and I need space.

When I'm stressed, I like to listen to acoustic things, or piano things, or just calm, pretty things. I watched a lot of videos of Anette singing parts two and four of "Poet and the Pendulum", which always makes my heart melt. And there's always "The Islander", and you can't go wrong with golden Marco voice playing golden Marco acoustic. And then another recent fave:



It's so pretty. Their voices mix like ham and cheese.

xx Who Tied My Hands To The Wheel Marz

The Week Is Starting And Ending

It's funny how all my entries are a day behind because I blog so late at night. Today was a great day filled with packing and being with friends, and I couldn't have asked for cooler people to have met in college. Seriously, I never had nerd friends before this year. Which then made me wonder, does that make me a nerd, too? Questions questions.

I'm gonna miss the late night studio chats, the studio movie parties, making fun of Tam, Whataburger with Sloan, bitching about layouts with Eric, punching Gina in the boob, making awkward sex jokes with Ethan, hounding Casey to buy me dinner, talking about comics with Luis, listening to Dylan bitch about Sloan, eating at Maple with Hailey, life chats with Ellen, and napping with Dorothy. Those are my friends! I'm gonna miss them all.

I dunno, it's just depressing to see my room half packed. My dresser is empty, my desk is empty, my cabinet is empty, and my shelves are empty except for the delicates that go on top. My closet should fit in my suitcases, and then whatever is left will go in the big box. Last to pack really is my computer and fridge, then I'm out! Oh it's so scary. I'm running out of time. It's like, I want to move out and back to my normal life, but I love the life I have here, where it's like a giant house that all of my friends live in with me.

But then I thought about living alone. Will I ever get the chance? How long will we rent that house together? Part of me really wants to live alone, but the other part of me would feel bad. I like being on my own, it suits me.

And then I realized everyone's still wrong. I've done it once and I'll do it again, only this time the results won't be as horrible as last time. I can account only for my actions and my generally good judgement.

xx Mother Superior Jumped The Gun Marz

Everyone Needs To Get Off My Jock

Seriously. I don't want to hear you all telling me what to do, or what's good for me, or where I stand in life. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do, and unless it's directly bothering you, step off. For real. You know, I can't help some things in the world, but I'm not a dumbass and I do things because they work for me. Focus on yourselves. Jeez.

Back to packing.

xx Neath The Halo Of A Street Lamp Marz

No Wedding This Year

Well that's a bummer, dad told me I wasn't going to Susan's wedding in October unless I paid for it myself. Really? So it's ok to drag me to all of those other stupid cousin weddings (I didn't even know those cousins!), but when it comes to a cousin I actually like who ASKED ME to do her wedding makeup, I'm on my own? That's weird. Looks like I'm not going, then. I haven't been to a wedding since Annie's, and that was four years ago. I just want to get pretty and dress up D: I LOVE WEDDINGS.

Speaking of, Wedding Sunday was weak today. Then again, I also missed most of it. It was a pretty lazy day really, in which I attempted to do layouts but ended up just chatting with friends on Facebook and derping around on the interwebs. And I cuddled my bunny :D She's so cute and fat. My room is kind of a wreck, but hey, at least it's getting clean! And I'm sitting in my dorm room now, soaking up the last few days of this freshmen wreck. And I mean, WRECK. I might go downstairs and get boxes from my car and start packing just cause I don't have anything to do right now.

Pandora has blessed me with good music.




xx Brave The Day Marz

AND TODAY, I ASSASSIN.

Oh God, today was a great day. I woke up and started looking up blade tutorials, thinking maaaaaybe dad might help me start the project. Well instead of doing that, I went and had traditional geisha lunch at Qdoba with Victor and Heather. After that, we went to Walmart, Michaels, and the cool fabric store down by where I get my hair did. Today I bought black cord and beads for my Ezio necklace and rivets, fun foam, and this beaaaauuuuutttiiiifffulllll pleather Heather found. We were looking on one aisle of leathers, and she wandered off to a second one and as soon as I saw it, I fell in love. It was perfect for a female assassin and it matches my boots pretty damn spot on! I love love love love LOVE that pleather!

All I need to do to finish the vambrace is to attach belts to the underside and sculpt the metal things on it. Ideally, the blade will fit snugly underneath and the belts can adjust for it whether or not I end up making it or not. Ha ha, when I was making the vambrace, I was like, Jesus, this thing is tiny. And then I remembered I'm a tiny person and this will be funny looking. But my belt buckle is coming along nicely and I just have to add on the details, paint over the gold on the gem's sticker, and slap some belts on it! DONE!

I felt so accomplished today. I really love crafting, and I got to play with all new things today! Prop making is really fun, and after I finish my assassin costume, I'll start Lady Subaru's wings. MORE PROPS. Sewing's cool, but crafting is better! And then after dinner, I washed my car and damn, that's one pretty looking Honda. It's all the under tree parking I do that rapes the car :/ After that, Shake's with dad and then home to get crafty! And after I ran out of things to craft, I came up and started cleaning out drawers. I cleaned out one junk drawer and reorganized two red drawers. It feels good! Getting shit together feels so good.

I found some interesting artifacts, though. I used to write down cute texts I loved from various flirting boys back in the day, thinking that I'd always have those sweet words forever. Lolololoolololl, boys last about as long as I could finish a book. But those notes don't mean a thing anymore. I've burned some of them over time in a fit of teen angst, but now who cares. I was young, and I wanted a lot more than I would have ever been able to have. I was fed so many lies and went along with things so much longer than I should have. I guess that's always been my downfall, where I'd let my heart go way faster than my head.

Blehhh. Time for bed, I think. I'm tired of cleaning things out.

xx I'll Pretend That I'm Kissing The Lips I Am Missing Marz

Friday Night At Home

Got that Mot Fjerne Land playing, and I'm in bed. Nothing going on, no one to chat with, and just doing some thinking. Oop, now it's Apocalyptica.

I dunno, my head's been a mess of things lately. There's been so much on my mind about everything and everyone and all the things I do or did. I feel guilt, I feel happy, I feel embarrassed, I feel loved, I feel stressed, I feel tired. I wish I could stop thinking all together and just let it all go. Like tonight, Heather and I were supposed to go to the drag show, but we didn't, so I changed into my sweats and decided to paint my belt buckle. Oh God, was that good. I was watching Across The Universe while I did it, and it's been so long since I've seen that that I couldn't even remember which song came next. But then once the song started, I could remember every beat and every camera angle. It's another one of those movies that takes me away.

I dunno, I just feel off. I'm not completely happy, but I'm not really all that down. I'm just mellow, just living day to day and recovering from whatever the last few weeks have been. Things are different now, and I'm not convinced it's all my doing. The universe likes to play games sometimes. Maybe I just made a few bad choices and stayed up a few nights too late. Maybe I shouldn't have distracted myself so much. And there it is, a great big piece of impending doom swaying over my head. Except it's bigger than Damocles' sword or Poe's pendulum ever could have been.

Maybe I just need to start my pills and feel better again.

xx Now I Find I've Changed My Mind And Opened Up The Doors Marz

Karma, Love Me?

So lately I've been going out of my way to do things for people. I've saves so many asses in the past few weeks that it's ridiculous. I'm not doing it to do it, but I just happen to be in the right place at the right time and being able to help people makes me happy. It's been a big positive piece of my life in the last few weeks, as something that inspires me and makes me want to stay awake another hour or two. Not to sound like my dad, but I'm sure these people would help me back if I needed it, too.

Let's see... the last few nights were categorized by 3-4 hours of sleep per night, and maybe 3 hour naps a day, if I have time. I can't wait to sleep for maybe six or eight hours and just roll around in bed. Two classes down, two more to go tomorrow and then I get to spend a few days with my favorite person :) Then more packing and moving out.

So I've been listening to my Nightwish station on Pandora the last week or so, and it's AMAZING. Xandria, Therion, Elis, Krypteria, Leaves Eyes, Apocalyptica, Kamelot, Nightwish, Blackmore's Night, Dark Moor, Nox Arcana, and more play pretty things for me. Like I want to go buy albums from all these bands, or at least, ones I don't have. Oh God, best station ever.

Imagine you've been wearing the same pair of shoes for years now. They look good, they're comfy, they match everything, and they're soooo easy to put on. And then you pass by that window in the mall and see a weird new pair that you can't tell if you like or not. And while you're considering those new shoes, you're still wearing the old ones. You couldn't part with your awesome shoes. Besides, those new ones will just take up space on the floor. You walk on.

xx So Far Away From Home Marz

A Fun Night In

Oh it's three AM. I have a meeting in seven hours.

Today was a pretty not bad day in my book. Did nothing in design, did hardly anything in design thinking, and slept from 1:30-6. Oh God, did that feel amazing. Then me and Dorothy went and treated ourselves to some Arbys and came back to plan for the house! I'm in charge of bringing tupperware, baking dishes/bakeware, dish towels, salt/pepper shakers (I want to get those sex bunny ones), mixing bowls, broom, and sponges. Not bad!

Theeeeeen I had to draw in the studio so I could use the easel. Everyone gave me shit for being here on the weekend, ha ha. Whaaaaat, I like going to Dallas. After a can of Mikes, I remembered why I liked these guys. We just hung out allll night. I started my drawing, which ended up being creepy as shit. I don't mean to make things so creepy, it just happens. It's a dark gift. But not the kind of Dark Gift Anne Rice wrote about, ha ha. According to her, there's only about 10% of reported gays in America. Hmmmmm.

I dunno, I just realized how much I like the people here. I've made a lot of new friends through weird ways, but we're all just a bunch of crazy friends. I've got gay friends, nerd friends, Jesus loving friends, dick friends, sassy friends, and everything in between. I love these people.

Also, it's a nice solid seventeen months now. How time fliiiieeeesssssssss.

I watched Man of La Mancha again tonight. Luis told me la mancha means the stain in Mexican, which is neat! Man of the Stain, but what stain? The stained mind? The stained armor? The stained soul? Hmmm. And then tonight my heart melted while he sang to Aldonza. I've seen this scene a million times, but it made me feel all warm and fuzzy tonight. And Sophia Loren is seriously the most beautiful Italian girl ever. Ever. There's no comparison.





And then there's Brian Stokes Mitchell's Broadway version. Oh my God, he might just have the dreamiest voice I've ever heard. I want to see him sing for me again. It's so hard to pick which one I like better.



xx Now I've Found Thee And The World Shall Know Thy Glory Marz

I Want To Blog More.

I miss it. Blogging actually does help me think things out better, which is awesome during these trying times.

Today was pretty good. Woke up at 10:30, ate, and spent the afternoon doing layouts. Then me and half the floor went to go see Cabin In The Woods, which was as awesome as I've heard people talk about. I thought it was going to be a horror movie that combines all horror movies, which is does, but it was SO FUNNY. I wasn't expecting it to be so well written! Loooooved it. I'd see it again! I wasn't sure how it would end, but I wasn't all that satisfied with the ending :/ A dues ex machina if I've ever seen one.

Dorothy and I were supposed to watch Lord of the Rings tonight :( Noooo. She left me for mac and cheese and Jack. Ah well, I might do something for me tonight anyways. I really do want to produce art to sell, and I think I can make it work. I just need to figure out the most efficient way to do it.

JESUS. So I went to go print my layouts tonight and the plotters WOULD NOT cooperate. After almost two hours I said screw it and just printed them individually on tabloid paper. I hate when that shit doesn't work, but everyone tomorrow is gonna deal with it too when they go to print. And it takes twenty minutes to print shit out on those machines :/

Today was a better day than yesterday by far. I just don't know what to do tonight! Sew some more?

xx I Want To Go Deeper Marz

Quixotic Again

Well today was rough. After class, I spent all day and night doing sketches of ideas for my final drawing project. I drew some sketches I like, but I can't do them. Naturally. It's just bringing me down. But then I think, something else is bothering me, but I don't know what it is. I'm just in a perpetual apathetic and down mood. So many things going on at once and about to finish. So many meetings and things to take care of. So much money being transferred and spent. I don't have any motivation to draw, design, sew, or even clean my desk. The room is a mess, and I swear my hair is getting even frizzier.

Well, I decided to fix the bad mood by watching Ever After. But... it's not on Netflix anymore. What. It's one of my favorite movies, and its not here to help me. I almost picked The Piano, but ended up chosing Man of La Mancha, which was right next to it.

It's funny, this play/story/musical/novel describes me and my life more so than anything else I can think of. It's been my favorite musical since I was a kid. I could recite the songs AND the dialogue in second grade. Sure I didn't understand what strumpets and whores were, or fully grasp some of the monologues, but I took home with me the idea of the play. And now here I am, a good ten or twelve years older, still believing in it. Plus I know what things are now. And it gives me extreme comfort to know it's ok for me to be crazy and pretend I live in a different world. I wish I had my poster on my wall here to remind me.

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? To surrender dreams - -this may be madness; to seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness! But maddest of all - -to see life as it is and not as it should be."

"Look always forward; in last year's nests there are no birds this year."

"Love not what thou art, only what thou may become."

"I come in a world of iron to make a world of gold."

xx To Try When Your Arms Are Too Weary Marz

Back In Bunny Mode

So Annie sent me a link to a live bunny cam to help spread the word about bunnies that need adopting after the Easter season, and I got all bunny happy again. If I had the money, I'd totally sponsor a bunny at the rescue!

I've narrowed down Othello or Trevor as my potential future bunny. But of course, it's all up to Lita to pick one! I want to volunteer this summer too, and spend my Saturdays loving bunnies and taking care of then! Then come home to love my bunnies :) I miss Lita so much, and I'd feel so much better if I knew she had a friend. I feel so bad now :( My baby girl.

Today was an oddly awesome Monday! I got 6 hours of sleep, which rocked. Then I put on a nice shirt and kind of did my hair and just looked good today. Then I got to design, where I sewed and helped people and had a blast. Even design thinking was good, and Michele helped me push my layouts some more! And even weirder, I ate lunch at Maple and it was pretty tasty today. Weeeiiirrrddddd. Why is today going so well?

xx A Smile Like A Tragedy We Hold Inside Marz

Scarborough Faireeee

Well I'm using the new Blogger interface and... it's odd, like most new things are. Gonna take some getting used to.

Well a little big ago, I got back from a fuuuuunnnnnn weekend with my favorite person :) It was a fat Friday night, a super super super awesome Saturday, and a nice lazy Sunday. That's what I'm talking about! I got a new ring to add to my collection of faire rings, and this one's way different from any other ones. I normally don't go for stones in my rings so I can wear them with anything, but I figured it was time to shake things up. So I got one, a bright silver one, with a round cerulean colored stone. The way the ring is cut makes it reflect lots of light :) It reminds me of the ring Howl gave Sophie!

I love going to the faire. It's always so much fun just to be around everything. The costumes and the food and the music and the everything is just so awesome. And it was the perfect warm day yesterday! But the best part of all was that I had my very favorite person there to enjoy it with.

And now... back home to do layouts. It really won't take that long at all, but I just keep second guessing myself when it comes to things. And then Wingstop after I finish two! Mmmmmm, wangs. Delicious wings.

I'm stuck between which pattern to buy.

And I don't understand putting pictures in this new interface. Weird.

xx And The Circle Starts Again Marz

Streets of London

This is one of my favorite songs right now. I looooove her voice so much, it's not fair. I could listen to this a million times, along with this gem I found:



Mmmmmm. Pretty music to sooth my stressed out eyes, mind, and ears. Call It Love is another one of those songs you'd just have to dance to, like Ghost Wandering This Earth. Back to layouts!

xx Let's Just Call It Love Marz

The King, A Soccer Coach

So I turned on Bend It Like Beckham earlier because it was the only movie on that I knew. I seriously haven't seen this movie since 6th grade when we did a project on it in class. Well a shot of her soccer coach at practice caught me off. He was really familiar looking and at first I thought he was Wood from Sorcerer's Stone.

LOL NOPE, IT'S JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS.

I can't tell if he's attractive or not. Eyes are piercingly stunning, but he has a huge mouth. I hate big mouths. His nose is kind of big too, but I guess it balances out the big mouth. Hmm.

Well today's gonna be a cool day hopefully! Party with Heather an Caitlin, then makeup shopping in Dallas and home for delicious vodka sauce! Yummmmmm. I need to go get 360 paper, though, ughhh. Ha ha, so after watching a whole Friday's worth of Say Yes to the Dress and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, I've come to realize when it comes to sisters, there's always one fat dumpy one and one fit gorgeous one. It happens in like, 80% of the siblings. Cool. I hate Saturday only because it splits up Wedding Friday and Wedding Sunday.

xx Would You Do It For Me Marz

MOAR BREAKDOWNS!

Well I wish I felt like writing about allll the adventures that happened at Matsuri, but I don't. I'm straight up annoyed and irritated right now. Everyone, every single person I talk to or even look at, is bothering me. Am I sleep deprived? Bogged down with work? Post weekend parental anxiety? I dunno. It's like, I have all this work to get done, and it seems like I'm just working nonstop and when I do finally take a break, I can't help but think of all that's left to do.

I don't want to think. My hand is cramped from nights of staying up late making a million precise lines. My hands used to be steady and reliable, but now they're useless for painting and drawing. So that's a bummer, then there's the fact that the house might not be happening, which is also another stress. Then there's the fifty million people to please and I feel like all I ever hear is moaning and bitching. It's like people forgot to grow up and want to act like kids and whine. I'm so tired of it. I had to listen to it this past weekend, I have to hear it in my classes, and I have friends that do it all the time. An absolute nightmare.

I just want to stay in my bed, in my dark room, in the very corner of the wall with my bunnies and computer and just veg out for days. I don't have any motivation to work, and I just feel like crying. I'm glad Dorothy has a long day today, because I just want to be left alone.

And then Dorothy invited me to the pink party at the Jew frat house, with Ellen and Gina, but I probably won't go because people might get the wrong idea of me if I go to a college party.

It's just so hard, everyone always goes out and has all these crazy fun times. And I'm not saying I wish I had gone to college single, because I'm perfectly happy where I'm at, but I always wonder what would have been different. It's college, shit's supposed to get crazy now because it's the only time in your life when you get that excuse. No crazy shit for this guy, I get to stay at home and watch everyone else.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I can't think straight anymore. I'm tired, frustrated, irritated, and totally dead to the world. Class in three hours.

When I'm Feeling Down

I either eat, do my makeup and hair, or watch concerts.



Oh wow, this sounds so cool live. And Marco is so welcoming ;P Anette sounds too pretty, and it's cute how she always introduces which ever band member is about to do a little solo, like what she did for Emppu here. Emppu, Y U NO look excited?! Marco has pretty hair. Tuomas looks too into it. And Jukka is hiding and getting shitfaced. I like singing this song :D

Jesus my laundry list of shit to get done keeps getting bigger. It'd probably also help if I could focus better, but, ehh. I'll get everything done before Matsuri! SOOO EXCITED.



Found that little gem, too. Troy is killing it on those pipes! I'm glad he's touring with them, but I guess he sort of has to, given the pipe heavy songs ;P Anette sounds great singing this! I liked Tarja's version too, but this one's nice. She's got lots of personality and her voice combined with Marco's is a truly magical sound. Me gusta.

COME TO AMERICA D:

xx A Secret It Must Stay Marz

Aenoch?

So... I'm on dA and come across someone mentioning a fan created love interest for Raven, and after a bit of digging, I found this and some other pieces. And I found the fanfic that started it all. And then I got all nostalgic, lolololololololollll. Well I started skimming the story and it might be interesting.

Although I can't really make any judgments on him as a character, I will pick at his character design :P Obviously the same race as Raven and rocking the same sort of black look, however, Aenoch looks more like a 90s goth than a superhero. But I don't think he's a superhero, so I guess that works. I dunno. I think it's the trenchcoat that's killing it for me, really! Any character with hair like that is very ok in my book.

Hmmm. I don't like thinking of Raven as having any romantic qualities honestly, ha ha. Apparently things get steamy in the fanfic, so maybe she gets it on. I haven't done a fanfic in yeaaarrrssssssssss. Maybe it's time to pick up where I left off! Noooo, those stories are deadish. Ehhhh, more like dead to me. Hell, I can't even come up with a straight storyline for my original story with my own characters! Marko and Inni, I swear you'll get out of my head sometime! And the old man and Cadence and everyone else. Damn.

xx And This Love Will Fade Away Marz

SHIT'S DONE!

Jesus, it's been a crazy week. I had the timeline to start and finish, a prototype to build, a test to take, and drawings to finish. And what was awesome was that today after lunch and supply shopping, I came back and played Minecraft until it was time for dinner and class. Oh my God, did it feel good. And after class, I came back and played some more and my castle is 95% complete! But then... I discovered a tumblr that listed Harry Potter facts, and I've spent alllllll night reading them. AND THERE WAS A VIDEO ABOUT THE LAST DAY OF FILMING. I got really sad when they thanked Alan Rickman, and then seriously cried when Dan gave his little speech. Oh my God.

SNAPE LOVED HER SO MUCH.

I want to watch the first movie soooooooo bad now. I own it, but I'm not sure where it's at since I pulled it off the shelf for the Part 1 premiere. I love Harry Potter. I might reread the books too... I remember being a kid and reading them, and now I bet it'll be even more fun to read them since I can comprehend things as an adult :P Oooohhhhh.

And tomorrow/today, I get to go see the neurologist! Wooooooo! Then come back and finish my prototype. Because I'm responsible. Woo woo 16 months!

xx A Moment Lasts Forever, At Least It Does For Me Marz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You have the flu! A few days late, but I had to throw in the birthday post. I've been bad at posting this month, but what's it matter? No one reads this!

So, I spent my glorious day of turning 19 doing a critique, packing up my life, going to the doctor, and laying in bed because I had the damn flu. No partying for this guy. In fact, every single birthday plan I had got shat on! I was in bed until Sunday, where I got up for mom's brunch (Which was delicious and actually surprised her). But every day I've had fevers that rape me.

Not to mention the flu pills cause delirium and throwing up, yummm. No wonder I can't focus on anything to save my life! Or drive safely... ehhhhhhh. I made it home :P

Loot! Birthday loot! I got $90, a bunny necklace, a bunny figurine, a unicorn mask, dashboard Jesus, a wine glass koozie, a best friend wine class, and the biiiiig Viva La Juicy :) Apparently Dorothy's gift to me will be there when we get back, which I'm ok with. To think! Last year I got a bunny! And my beautiful little baby girl is still here next to me, sleeping with her eyes open!

And now... I'm sitting on my floor drawing my creepy part two of the double self portrait. It was hard to start, but now that I'm rolling, I think it'll be ok. I'm just worried about lots of erased lines that didn't fully erase... Oh well, we'll see how it looks tomorrow :P My back is killing me from all this arting. MORE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! SO ROMANTIC!



xx I've Never Seen So Many Books In All My Life Marz

Productive?!

Wow, today was surprisingly productive! I got most of my process notebook done, finished my balsa, and got more work done towards the house and Italy! I think I'll complete the notebook tonight before bed, then fix my self portrait a bit. Tomorrow I'll work on finishing the drop caps and do the sketch for design. And go get more BFK paper. And do my housing form.

Saw this on Pinterest again. I think it's officially my favorite bunny picture ever. Oh my God I love bunnies so much, it's not even funny. I want to be a bunny!

Uhhhh... not much else on the mind. I've just had a lot of work this week and a lot more ahead of me, so I'm trying to stay on top of things as best as I can. I should probably make a list of things to do before packing up for the break! I GET TO SEE JAMIE TOMORROW! And I turn 19 in two days?!

xx Ink Idol Without A Poem Marz

Dream Cosplays

My classic favorite Faust VIII. I WILL be you someday. I even have the wig styled already!

Yep. This is the best cosplay I've ever seen done of the yellow dress, and I will learn how to make it someday.

I have to make myself a Renaissance dress at some point before I die. Haven't really decided between Elizabethan or Italian style yet, but it will happen.

I want to make Adult Raven at some point. I like that she wears a dress! It'll be fun, but a little tricky.

I've Had Better

Today was alright, but I've had better. Carved my fingers off in design, bummed around in design thinking, and made my neurologist appointment! Too bad I won't get in for three weeks. Seriously, how many people need to talk to a crazy brain doctor?

Dorothy and I spent the day shopping, eating Ritas, grass napping, and enjoying lunch outside. After all that, I was in a lethargic and blahhh mood, so I bummed in bed and watched more Tudors. I'm almost done with the first season, and I only started watching yesterday! Then drawing class, in which I was just in an annoyed mood with the assholes sitting next to me and having to draw another person laying on a bed. The model never showed up, so we has to draw Ben. My drawing was good, but I didn't have the heart to put forth a whole lot of effort. For the first time in a long time, I just didn't want to draw. Not so hot mood.

I came back starving, but the idea of Kerr food is just unappealing. So I made popcorn and watched more Tudors, but now I'm hungry again. I'm so tired of dorm food and Kerr food. I want pasta with fresh sauce, panko chicken strips, loaded salads, tacos, and more. I'm also really annoyed by how I can never seem to eat enough at once. I'm constantly hungry all day, no matter how much I snack. And then there's days I'll eat one tiny meal and won't eat the rest of the day. It's like my stomach just won't stay constant, which also puts me in a foul mood. Ugh. I feel like it's my off week or something. Not to mention I still don't know what's going on my birthday weekend.

xx Repulsed By Her Haggard Appearance Marz

Pancake Day

Well today was pretty good! Woke up at 1, went to eat with Dorothy at 3:30, and went to class and hopefully did ok on the quiz. Then me, Dorothy, Tam, Sloan, and Dalton all went to get our free pancakes. There was a long line, but it moved pretty fast and we were in and out relatively fast! I even donated to the charity and felt good.

So now I'm back in my room and have forty thumbnails to do... but after I finish being an assassin. I need more game. I'm too hooked now. I want my costume done, I want to play more game, and I want to be in Florence. I'm feeling too into it... I get really hooked onto things :( I've always been like that. I came to the scary realization that at this rate, I'm not gonna get the costume done in time to take to Florence :((( Oh well.

I've decided it's time to throw away old jackets, jeans, and shirts. Goodbye Corpse Bride jacket, goodbye guard jacket and goodbye middle school jeans. And some old nice shirts. I could probably donate most of it, really. I need a new hoodie since my guard one has died :( I want this one, ha ha. But really. I want it, since I can't find the hoodie with the blades printed on the arms.



xx Well I Swear You Marched In Like A Big Gust Of Wind Marz

DAY OFF?!

I *love* Therion. This is my favorite song from them, and up until just a few minutes ago I had no idea what they looked like until I found that video :P Gooood song. And it's such a badass band name, Therion. Maybe I'll name the future bunny that.

Today was pretty damn nice. I woke up for class, put on clothes, and then realized I wasn't going to make it. So I threw my flannel pants back on, grabbed my bunny grahams, and went back to bed. Mmmm it felt nice to skip design. Then we took the test in design thinking and I came back and bummed around all day. I EVEN DREW FOR FUN. It was incredible! I might even paint for fun here when I'm done blogging!

Drawing was awesome because I raped everyone again. Mmmmm, I love being a boss. It's a really relaxing class too, because I'm comfortable in there and confident, so I can unwind and show that charcoal who's boss. And draw lots of boobs and balls.

Goooooin' to see Dr Case on Thursday. We have a lot to talk about :P Please fix me! I don't want to be broken, and I don't want to scare anyone anymore!

xx Foretell The One, The One Marz