I Can Only Hope

That one day when I have kids that they open up my art books and look at them. They don't have to like them, but I'd love it if they did. I want them to see old art and new art, and understand the different styles and oh God, if I could have little artists, I'd just die. I still remember the day I was at that house with my mom, and I was looking through an art book and saw the October page from Tres Riches Heures and I've been hooked ever since then. That made me love old art. And sitting in my lap is the Belles Heures, which is another similar book of hours commissioned by the same Duc de Berry. It's just amazing to see how nothing's changed in the last 3/4 of my life.

It's like, if you opened up this book, you'd see the things that just blow me away and capture my attention. It's like all my secrets are in this book, and they're not even mine. It's kind of special in a way, having books, but no one knows what's in them, only you. And then there's the discovery when you actually open the book. Oh God, I love it. I hope I have kids as curious as I was.

xx By His Decree No Lives Spare He Marz

GO HOME LITLE GIRL

WHY DOES SHE GET TO SIT ON TUOMAS'S LAP?! WHY CAN'T I DO IT. I DON'T EVEN FANGIRL OVER HIM, BUT JESUS CHRIST, OH HOW I'D GIVE MY EVERYTHING TO SIT ON HIS LAP AND PLAY PIANO WITH THE MASTER PLAYER.

xx Rest Calm And Remember Me Marz

Cirque Du Freak Has My Heart

I don't know why I did it, but I started looking up Mr. Crepsley things on dA and tumblr and holy shit, I'm in love again. I can't even describe my love for that character. If I had to pick two fictional characters to have as bodyguards, it'd be Mr. Crepsley and Faust VIII in a heartbeat. I need to get the first six books with these covers! KILLERS OF THE DAWN WILL FOREVER BE ONE OF THE ONLY BOOKS I'VE EVER CRIED AT.

xx You Have Shown Me The Sky Marz

Nightwishy Night!

I sat down not really knowing what to do, so I threw on Imaginaerum while I drew a girl. Oh God, that movie is just amazing. So many feelingsssssss. The girl eventually turned into Cadence when it came time to dress her, and I still can't get the damn nose right. Oh well.

Looks like Anette is selling her stage and photoshoot clothes, which is a shame but still really neat, especially since she's donating some of the money to charities. Sadly she only ships in the EU or else I'd seriously try to buy something that was on the body of Anette!

It's late, so I should try to sleep now.

xx But Needed Nothing It Had Marz

If I Could Have Dinner

Not that I wouldn't have dinner as it is, but if I had the option to have dinner with fabulous figures from history, it'd go something like this.

Dante and Goethe would flank me at this marvelous dinner and we would talk about religious reformation and personal enlightenment. Johann Struensee would sit next to Goethe, and Marie Antoinette would sit next to him, and they can talk about royal affairs. I think Catherine Howard would like to sit next to her. On the other side of Dante would sit da Vinci, and next to him Botticelli. I'd but Cervantes next to Dante, but putting a Spaniard in between two Italians sounds dangerous, so Cervantes will sit next to Botticelli. Thomas More will sit next to Cervantes and talk about seeing life as it is and not as it should be.

I feel like I might be forgetting someone important. Hm. Well my table is large and so there will be room for everyone.

xx With Songs They Have Sung Marz

Another One Of Those Days

Didn't sleep the night before, didn't go to class, didn't eat, didn't do anything except create. I did a drawing of Faust and Eliza last night, but I couldn't get anything to look right so it looks awkward today. I should try and fix it... or leave it alone as an example of needing to improve. One fun thing I did today was play with image clipping masks to make a new devID. I'm proud of it. Yay putting com design bullshit to good use!

It's just another one of those days where I don't care about anything. I think a bunch of us are gonna go swimming in a bit and then margarita night tonight. I could sure use a night of bullshitting and laughing.

Things that make me moderately happy today:

xx Would It Be A Sin Marz

The Great Relapse

I figured earlier that I was relapsing, but it was confirmed tonight while I watched The Royal Affair, which was absolutely astounding. I fell in love with Johann and Caroline's romance and cried at the end. I never cry at movies, so I figure that three mood swings over the course of one movie must be a bad sign.

Oh well, welcome to the rest of my life I guess. Periods of peace and then relapse, then back to peace and the circle starts again. It's funny because all while watching The Royal Affair, I was trying to pin point what mental illness Christian had, and hell, he could be bipolar. Makes me wonder what I look like to other people.

It's just been a rough day. I'm understanding things and making connections, but it's still not enough. I'm parked diagonally in a paralell universe. I'll be happy when the crying stops. I'll also be happy when the trazodone kicks in early and doesn't keep me up til four.

Although I noticed something interesting today that I do. When I reach a mental point of complete and total distress, all thinking ceases and all I can do is focus on a random song in my head until I calm down. It's like my brain is shutting down on its own temporarily.

xx Don't Throw Your Life Away For My Sake Marz