I read some more of Spirit Bound today... and oh my God it's so exciting! There's so much going on... Dimitri is so frustrating because I just want him to stop being a pussy and love Rose again! God I love Vampire Academy... I'm sad that once I'm done with Spirit Bound, I'll only have one last book before the series is over :(
But oh man... I'm at that point where I'm almost about to bust out some, GASP, fan art. I caught myself drawing Rose in her cap-sleeved red party dress with a (crappily drawn) mysterious Dimitri behind her, turning away. I want to do a polished piece, something sexy and romantic that capture the essence of the two. ART IS ROMANCE. ART IS PASSION. ART IS A PRODUCT OF THE HEART.
Mmmmm, those books are about the only things that get me through the day, besides my chocolate covered chocolate chip granola bars and... yeah, those are the only two things that keep me sane at school. So damn good. It's like, trashy and addictive romance novels combined with sweets and chocolate... it's perfect. Jamie and I talked about therapists today and I'm considering seeing one. It's not that I think something's wrong with me, I just get bogged down by a lot of stress and it makes me irritable and generally pissed off at the world. I'm the kind of person that likes to talk about my shit... that's why I blog. I blog because it's a way for me to get it all (well, most of it) out without burdening anyone's ears or sanity. It also helps me think a bit more and solve my own problems, in a weird way.
I dunno, I'm just so done with everything right now. School, guard, work, friends, art... I'm just done with it. Today in guard, Willie was bitching and harping on us just like Scott used to do and it was getting frustrating. I asked myself, "Why am I still here?" Too late to leave now. School is just... I was done with it ages ago. Senioritis is a bitch. Work is eh, not horrible, but it does eat up a shit ton of time. My circle of friends is changing and people aren't what they seem to be. I'm also learning that people change and rearrange their priorities as they see fit. Art is even kicking my ass. I repainted Anabell Lee's dress yesterday, despite my lack of motivation. I don't even know what to do for VASE... I kinda want to do something big. Maybe I'll paint over that shitty orange colored head that's sitting on my flood. I don't like it, anyways. I want to do something big, but I don't have the time. The show is THIS SATURDAY. Goddammit, I'm just a casual painter... my stuff isn't good enough to be in shows. Sure, I'm getting my name out there, but... It just doesn't seem worth it.
I dunno. I'm just at a really weird point in my mind where I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing anything anymore. I just want to do... nothing. What's the point? Have I given up already? I'm losing motivation to do well... or anything at all.
If I could sum up what I'm feeling, it's would be "The Pacific" part of "The Poet and the Pendulum" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w9j-ExepwY] Sad, but in a romantic sort of way, with that haunting imagery and delicate melody. Dreamy, but distant from the world.
xx Lead Me Astray To Dreamer's Hideaway Marz
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Mmmm Good Weekend :)
This was a most excellent weekend. Yesterday Jamie and I went prom dress shopping and I found a grey/charcoal dress for $400 that I liked. Then we went to Terry Costa and tried on some Tony Bowls dresses... RIGHT BEFORE MEETING HIM! It was so cool to meet a dress designer! I found a white dress from his spring 2011 collection for $500... but I love it! Dad said he'll get it for me since this is my last prom. Mom threw a huge fit when I told her the price. "TERRY COSTA?! I BOUGHT MY DRESS FOR ANNIE'S WEDDING THERE AND IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE! 500 IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR A DRESS YOU'LL ONLY WEAR ONCE! I NEVER WORE ANYTHING THAT EXPENSIVE!" Mom, quit making this about you. I didn't buy a prom dress last year. "WELL I DON'T CARE, 500 IS TOO MUCH." What, you want me to get a cheap $100 one and look cheap? "WELL 500 IS TOO MUCH." Whatever.
Not to mention dad was harping on me about my credit card charges... I don't need to people shitting on me at the same time. I told him he could have my $135 from the flower shop and my next two paychecks. That's a start. It's like, duh, I couldn't pay you off the past few months due to, you know, ME NOT MAKING ANY MONEY. Ughhh. I didn't mean to cry, but heightened estrogen levels cause lapses in calm moods.
Mmmmm I love me a good sleepover :) A nice relaxing night and a good sleep in my perfect little world!
OH MY GOD I need to get a hookup for my iPod in the car. My cassette wire is shot and a piece of shit. I probably need to find one of those ones that plays it through the radio... I dunno. I'm never getting a cassette wire again. Car iPod player... where can I find you for a good price?! I'll probably look for one in... a few months, after my debt is reduced, ha ha. Shoot, I just need to get a bigger iPod in general, ha ha. I'm still looking for a refurbished Classic on eBay. I forgot which one mine was... 5th generation, I think. Maybe 5.5? That white Classic was my world <3 I just need more space because 8 gigs ain't big enough for all my tunes!
Time to go read more Canterbury tales!
xx Massive Paws, Killer Claws Marz
Not to mention dad was harping on me about my credit card charges... I don't need to people shitting on me at the same time. I told him he could have my $135 from the flower shop and my next two paychecks. That's a start. It's like, duh, I couldn't pay you off the past few months due to, you know, ME NOT MAKING ANY MONEY. Ughhh. I didn't mean to cry, but heightened estrogen levels cause lapses in calm moods.
Mmmmm I love me a good sleepover :) A nice relaxing night and a good sleep in my perfect little world!
OH MY GOD I need to get a hookup for my iPod in the car. My cassette wire is shot and a piece of shit. I probably need to find one of those ones that plays it through the radio... I dunno. I'm never getting a cassette wire again. Car iPod player... where can I find you for a good price?! I'll probably look for one in... a few months, after my debt is reduced, ha ha. Shoot, I just need to get a bigger iPod in general, ha ha. I'm still looking for a refurbished Classic on eBay. I forgot which one mine was... 5th generation, I think. Maybe 5.5? That white Classic was my world <3 I just need more space because 8 gigs ain't big enough for all my tunes!
Time to go read more Canterbury tales!
xx Massive Paws, Killer Claws Marz
Friday, February 25, 2011
Apocalypse, Please
Seriously. Today was probably one of my worst days ever. Woke up in a somewhat grumpy mood as always, which only piqued when I was walking out the door and mom was nagging about something, which got me started.
Ugh, It's just been idiot after idiot after idiot. People so damn annoying, hitting me, screaming my name, yanking my headphones off, jumping in my face, making stupid hissy noises, and just generally being dumb. Not to mention this whole drama with Sarah bitching at her mom, who then gossiped to Mrs. Cyr. OH MY GOD. This is our bullshit, we'll deal with it ourselves. We don't need parental supervision.
It's just... so many things. Being behind on economics, playing catch up in class, falling behind on art, working two jobs and going to guard, not eating, not sleeping, and taking four different kinds of pills a day. Good God, my insides are all messed up. Seriously, I'm never moody like this, so my body better regulate soon or I might cry. Oh scratch that, already did that three times in the past 24 hours. Ughh. I hate being whiny but everyone else does it, why can't I? It's not easy being tough all the time... I can break, too.
I found solace three times today. One, was in science when I was reading VA and OMG OMG OMG DIMITRI'S A HUMAN AGAIN <3 and I could distract myself with someone elses problems. Two, was when I made two perfect ham and cheese sandwiches and ate them this afternoon. Three, is right now. I decided to make an Alan Menken Pandora playlist and it plays Disney music and Disney Broadway music... this is awesome. Soooo awesome.
Anyways, all I have left to do is to take my unit three test and if I have time before work tomorrow, to retake the quiz and test I failed. Ugh, that's tomorrow, though... After looking up quotes from Don Quixote, I kind of want to go watch the movie now... too bad my copy is on VHS and I don't have a player for it :/ I wonder if it's on DVD? Lolsauce, it's probably the best movie from 1972 ever, ha ha. Not to mention it's my entire life in movie/musical/world renowned literature form. Goddamn I love that movie. I need to track it down on DVD. New goal in life.
xx Hear Me Now, Although Bleak And Unbearable World Marz
Ugh, It's just been idiot after idiot after idiot. People so damn annoying, hitting me, screaming my name, yanking my headphones off, jumping in my face, making stupid hissy noises, and just generally being dumb. Not to mention this whole drama with Sarah bitching at her mom, who then gossiped to Mrs. Cyr. OH MY GOD. This is our bullshit, we'll deal with it ourselves. We don't need parental supervision.
It's just... so many things. Being behind on economics, playing catch up in class, falling behind on art, working two jobs and going to guard, not eating, not sleeping, and taking four different kinds of pills a day. Good God, my insides are all messed up. Seriously, I'm never moody like this, so my body better regulate soon or I might cry. Oh scratch that, already did that three times in the past 24 hours. Ughh. I hate being whiny but everyone else does it, why can't I? It's not easy being tough all the time... I can break, too.
I found solace three times today. One, was in science when I was reading VA and OMG OMG OMG DIMITRI'S A HUMAN AGAIN <3 and I could distract myself with someone elses problems. Two, was when I made two perfect ham and cheese sandwiches and ate them this afternoon. Three, is right now. I decided to make an Alan Menken Pandora playlist and it plays Disney music and Disney Broadway music... this is awesome. Soooo awesome.
Anyways, all I have left to do is to take my unit three test and if I have time before work tomorrow, to retake the quiz and test I failed. Ugh, that's tomorrow, though... After looking up quotes from Don Quixote, I kind of want to go watch the movie now... too bad my copy is on VHS and I don't have a player for it :/ I wonder if it's on DVD? Lolsauce, it's probably the best movie from 1972 ever, ha ha. Not to mention it's my entire life in movie/musical/world renowned literature form. Goddamn I love that movie. I need to track it down on DVD. New goal in life.
xx Hear Me Now, Although Bleak And Unbearable World Marz
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
More Shopping?!
Who's buying these as soon as a new paycheck comes in? This girl.
GODDAMMIT the Nightwish shop also carries lots of other band merch, and of course when they happen to have a Rasmus, Uniklubi, and Tarot shirts, they don't come in smalls! GODDAMMIT. Is it so hard to ask for a Rasmus shirt that comes in my size?!
New Nightwish < 3
The Nightwish site has changed from its Dark Passion Play theme to reflect the new album, Imaginarium! A few interviews were posted from Tuomas, the producer, and the director, and good God I'm excited!
Like... I love the visual imagery of Nightwish as shown in their music videos. I love that world of slate grey blues, dark shadows, clouds, uncertain waters... I paint about it all the time. When I'm dancing in guard, I still see those colors (Could just be the synesthesia, ahoy!), see the rocky cliffs, see the drama. The fact that there's gonna be an entire movie dedicated to the visual aspects of Nightwish just blows my mind. I'm really hoping they can score a theatrical release, especially in the US. If they can, I'm going there on opening day for sure. I'll see it ten times over.
The nice thing is that I don't have to sit here and wonder "What's it gonna be like?" The director, Stobe Harju, was the man behind "The Islander" music video, and that single video encompasses almost everything I can see from Nightwish from a visual standpoint. So I already have a good feel for what's gonna happen, which is great :)
What's odd is the orchestration, though. On Dark Passion Play, every song was accompanied by a full blown orchestra (And the orchestrated second disk was amazing <3), but on this one, there are a handful of songs that get no orchestra! How weird! It's like, the orchestra is one of the biggest components that makes symphonic metal well, symphonic. Oh well, I have faith in my man Tuomas! He knows what's he's doing and that's why he'll always be my favorite composer! :) Not to mention I loved those jeans pants he wears in a lot of photoshoots... I kinda want to make some similar to them.
Anyways. Back to economics because Nightwish is distracting <3
xx Above The Universe, Beneath The Great Eye, I Shall Desire You Forevermore Marz
Like... I love the visual imagery of Nightwish as shown in their music videos. I love that world of slate grey blues, dark shadows, clouds, uncertain waters... I paint about it all the time. When I'm dancing in guard, I still see those colors (Could just be the synesthesia, ahoy!), see the rocky cliffs, see the drama. The fact that there's gonna be an entire movie dedicated to the visual aspects of Nightwish just blows my mind. I'm really hoping they can score a theatrical release, especially in the US. If they can, I'm going there on opening day for sure. I'll see it ten times over.
The nice thing is that I don't have to sit here and wonder "What's it gonna be like?" The director, Stobe Harju, was the man behind "The Islander" music video, and that single video encompasses almost everything I can see from Nightwish from a visual standpoint. So I already have a good feel for what's gonna happen, which is great :)
What's odd is the orchestration, though. On Dark Passion Play, every song was accompanied by a full blown orchestra (And the orchestrated second disk was amazing <3), but on this one, there are a handful of songs that get no orchestra! How weird! It's like, the orchestra is one of the biggest components that makes symphonic metal well, symphonic. Oh well, I have faith in my man Tuomas! He knows what's he's doing and that's why he'll always be my favorite composer! :) Not to mention I loved those jeans pants he wears in a lot of photoshoots... I kinda want to make some similar to them.
Anyways. Back to economics because Nightwish is distracting <3
xx Above The Universe, Beneath The Great Eye, I Shall Desire You Forevermore Marz
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
OMG CHOCOLATE
I just ate half a bar of dark chocolate because I was craving something sweet.
Anywho. Woke up at 6:45 like always and realized I felt so soooo sick and decided to go back to sleep. After texting Shelley to tell her to find another ride, I flopped back over and slept until almost ten. I spent the morning watching wedding dress shows and cake shows until I got up and showered before lunch and went to the doctor's again. She's like, "Yep, you got UTI. Have fun pissing fire." Ughhhhhh. Came home, did some econ, and went to practice, where dancing for an hour had me feeling nauseous and so I threw up and sat out for half the rehearsal.
Home and I ate some dinner and then here I am. I still feel really sick, but I have to do more econ. Like really, I want to go lay down... ughhhh. And I have work tomorrow. Man, I kinda want to call in and be like, "Look bro, I'm sick and won't work tonight unless you want me throwing up on everyone and peeing every twenty minutes." Good God, I need to work but I want to go lay down... I'm considering working from my laptop, but downloading the worksheets will take houuuuurrrssss on that piece of crap. Hmm, maybe I'll just do the reading and save the worksheets for tomorrow. Either way, I HAVE to get unit two done by tomorrow night fo sho.
I couldn't stand Sarah tonight. Like really, you're gonna teach me a dance that you don't even do, but since you *think* you know it, you're gonna try and show it to me? No. I don't care if you're hyped up on hydrocodone or not, you're still annoying. I hate when she does that stupid hiss at me to get my attention, it's so annoying! I couldn't help but snap. Then again, it's probably my hormones reacting to the birth control... I'm gonna be moody for a bit. It's weird that these pills mess with my hormone levels each week and change them up. No idea why. It's probably a good thing that I'm at home with no one to snap at (except mom when she acts stupid).
Ughh. I think I'll go lay in bed now.
xx Hear The Black Birds Cry! Let Them Feel Your Hate Marz
Anywho. Woke up at 6:45 like always and realized I felt so soooo sick and decided to go back to sleep. After texting Shelley to tell her to find another ride, I flopped back over and slept until almost ten. I spent the morning watching wedding dress shows and cake shows until I got up and showered before lunch and went to the doctor's again. She's like, "Yep, you got UTI. Have fun pissing fire." Ughhhhhh. Came home, did some econ, and went to practice, where dancing for an hour had me feeling nauseous and so I threw up and sat out for half the rehearsal.
Home and I ate some dinner and then here I am. I still feel really sick, but I have to do more econ. Like really, I want to go lay down... ughhhh. And I have work tomorrow. Man, I kinda want to call in and be like, "Look bro, I'm sick and won't work tonight unless you want me throwing up on everyone and peeing every twenty minutes." Good God, I need to work but I want to go lay down... I'm considering working from my laptop, but downloading the worksheets will take houuuuurrrssss on that piece of crap. Hmm, maybe I'll just do the reading and save the worksheets for tomorrow. Either way, I HAVE to get unit two done by tomorrow night fo sho.
I couldn't stand Sarah tonight. Like really, you're gonna teach me a dance that you don't even do, but since you *think* you know it, you're gonna try and show it to me? No. I don't care if you're hyped up on hydrocodone or not, you're still annoying. I hate when she does that stupid hiss at me to get my attention, it's so annoying! I couldn't help but snap. Then again, it's probably my hormones reacting to the birth control... I'm gonna be moody for a bit. It's weird that these pills mess with my hormone levels each week and change them up. No idea why. It's probably a good thing that I'm at home with no one to snap at (except mom when she acts stupid).
Ughh. I think I'll go lay in bed now.
xx Hear The Black Birds Cry! Let Them Feel Your Hate Marz
Monday, February 21, 2011
Ugh, 16 More Weeks
And summer can start. Too bad I can't move out just yet.
My home life is corrupt. Every night is the same thing: screaming, throwing things, slamming doors, vulgarities, and bullshit.
And it makes me sad.
Even though their fight isn't about me, it still brings me down because there's just so much tension. I'm not apart of their battle, but they still try to manipulate me. It's hard because I don't know what to do or how to react to anything, and there's just no place for me.
It's all a sham. Nice house, nice things, college funds... it doesn't matter. There's just no place for any of us here. It's like, I don't agree with either of my parents and I put them both at fault. I'd be better off away from them and their bullshit.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I tend to leave stuff all over the floor and on the stairs and I know my bathroom sink isn't the cleanest thing, but really, it's like they just don't care that you know, maybe I have a hard time picking things up because I'm always tied up in things. Mom said she wasn't put on this earth to be a maid... well true, but dad's not gonna clean the house because he, you know, does all the providing. Seriously, not to be sexist, but really, if you're a wife/mom type figure, basic house keeping should be in your routine. Not counting my two rooms, the rest of the house is a bit unruly. I dunno, tangent here.
Where was I going with this... oh right. I just want out. I want to get away from all of this and live my own life, without anyone telling me to stop hanging stuff on the walls or to organize my stuff a certain way. I want to put my keys and bags where I want to against the wall. I want to line my shoes up instead of stacking them. I want to do things my way and not deal with anyone cramping my style.
I just want to be my own person. I need out of this negative environment because frankly, it's bringing me down.
xx Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way, And Nothing Else Matters Marz
My home life is corrupt. Every night is the same thing: screaming, throwing things, slamming doors, vulgarities, and bullshit.
And it makes me sad.
Even though their fight isn't about me, it still brings me down because there's just so much tension. I'm not apart of their battle, but they still try to manipulate me. It's hard because I don't know what to do or how to react to anything, and there's just no place for me.
It's all a sham. Nice house, nice things, college funds... it doesn't matter. There's just no place for any of us here. It's like, I don't agree with either of my parents and I put them both at fault. I'd be better off away from them and their bullshit.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I tend to leave stuff all over the floor and on the stairs and I know my bathroom sink isn't the cleanest thing, but really, it's like they just don't care that you know, maybe I have a hard time picking things up because I'm always tied up in things. Mom said she wasn't put on this earth to be a maid... well true, but dad's not gonna clean the house because he, you know, does all the providing. Seriously, not to be sexist, but really, if you're a wife/mom type figure, basic house keeping should be in your routine. Not counting my two rooms, the rest of the house is a bit unruly. I dunno, tangent here.
Where was I going with this... oh right. I just want out. I want to get away from all of this and live my own life, without anyone telling me to stop hanging stuff on the walls or to organize my stuff a certain way. I want to put my keys and bags where I want to against the wall. I want to line my shoes up instead of stacking them. I want to do things my way and not deal with anyone cramping my style.
I just want to be my own person. I need out of this negative environment because frankly, it's bringing me down.
xx Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way, And Nothing Else Matters Marz
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Maybe If I Put On Enough Makeup
No one will notice that I was just crying.
That was what I said to myself this morning after crying with mom cause dad's an asshole. Today has just been a horrible day and it keeps getting worse.
Woke up with what's most likely a urinary tract, which is horribly painful and is causing me to have to drink cranberry juice... Which I hate. Oh, also woke up with a stuffy nose and sore throat and a fever. Then had to deal with suicidal mom and that almost made me late for my first day at the new job and had me in tears. I don't like showing up to work in a bad mood... Even Victor asked what was wrong.
It was hard being cheerful, even though it's a shitty act altogether. Although one server did say I was the only cute girl that Victor ever brought in. And what's worse is that an hour into my shift I was getting hounded by the servers, no thanks to Victor. "So How old's your boyfriend? And you're how old? OMGWTFBBQLOLOLOLFML" all over again. Thanks for telling everyone about my personal life, you stupid heffer. Now I'm getting shit and I really don't need it, especially on my first day.
Whatever. I got home and dad's bitching about what to make for dinner and then my economics teacher calls and flips out about why I haven't been working, cause I have to have three units done by this Friday, and I have none done. Plus I haven't eaten all day... Just no time. I don't even feel like getting up and eating. I need to start drinking my cranberry juice, too, but... I just don't want to. I'm lethargic and apathetic, sick and sore, in pain and emotionally drained. It's such a shame about my makeup, too. It looked so nice until it started streaking down my face.
Xx I Breathe Deep And Cry Out "Isn't Something Missing?" Marz
That was what I said to myself this morning after crying with mom cause dad's an asshole. Today has just been a horrible day and it keeps getting worse.
Woke up with what's most likely a urinary tract, which is horribly painful and is causing me to have to drink cranberry juice... Which I hate. Oh, also woke up with a stuffy nose and sore throat and a fever. Then had to deal with suicidal mom and that almost made me late for my first day at the new job and had me in tears. I don't like showing up to work in a bad mood... Even Victor asked what was wrong.
It was hard being cheerful, even though it's a shitty act altogether. Although one server did say I was the only cute girl that Victor ever brought in. And what's worse is that an hour into my shift I was getting hounded by the servers, no thanks to Victor. "So How old's your boyfriend? And you're how old? OMGWTFBBQLOLOLOLFML" all over again. Thanks for telling everyone about my personal life, you stupid heffer. Now I'm getting shit and I really don't need it, especially on my first day.
Whatever. I got home and dad's bitching about what to make for dinner and then my economics teacher calls and flips out about why I haven't been working, cause I have to have three units done by this Friday, and I have none done. Plus I haven't eaten all day... Just no time. I don't even feel like getting up and eating. I need to start drinking my cranberry juice, too, but... I just don't want to. I'm lethargic and apathetic, sick and sore, in pain and emotionally drained. It's such a shame about my makeup, too. It looked so nice until it started streaking down my face.
Xx I Breathe Deep And Cry Out "Isn't Something Missing?" Marz
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Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Insane Asylums
Is it bad that I kinda like reading about insane asylums and horrible mental diseases and weird shit like that? Because that's what I've been doing all afternoon... although I do really need go get some homework started. Like really really.
Today was good... After school I took Victor with me to The Container Store, but for some reason all the northbound ramps onto the Tollway were blocked off, so we said screw it and turned around and went to Qdoba and waited for Jamie and Heather to show up. Not only that, but Natalie and Harri also joined us and we had a nice little burrito party! Victor and I rocked out to Dimmu Borgir and Old Man's Child all afternoon, ha ha. We're badasses. Although, Dimmu and OMC are both bands form the same guy, so the two bands went perfectly together.
Ha ha, I just got an email from Mrs. K, which reminded me that I haven't entered any of the art contests yet and I need to get my ass in gear on my portfolio cause I'm effed in the ass right now. And I need to do some econ. Man, I just don't have time!
School's just so busy right now. I miss last semester and how simple it was... I 'm just so worn out. It's getting bad, especially since all the stress and freaking out is causing me to tear up my fingers again and good God, the bleeding is annoying. And it hurts like hell, but I can't stop. Not to mention how ugly it looks and disgusting.
On the plus, I get to toss a duet toss this weekend at the first show :) I'm nervous, really really nervous... I'm confident with my work and drill, but I'm the only flag with my shit together and so all of us look like shit as a whole because no one can do anything right on time. Bahhh. We just need some major cleaning...
xx Why Should We Be Blond And Blue-eyed Marz
Today was good... After school I took Victor with me to The Container Store, but for some reason all the northbound ramps onto the Tollway were blocked off, so we said screw it and turned around and went to Qdoba and waited for Jamie and Heather to show up. Not only that, but Natalie and Harri also joined us and we had a nice little burrito party! Victor and I rocked out to Dimmu Borgir and Old Man's Child all afternoon, ha ha. We're badasses. Although, Dimmu and OMC are both bands form the same guy, so the two bands went perfectly together.
Ha ha, I just got an email from Mrs. K, which reminded me that I haven't entered any of the art contests yet and I need to get my ass in gear on my portfolio cause I'm effed in the ass right now. And I need to do some econ. Man, I just don't have time!
School's just so busy right now. I miss last semester and how simple it was... I 'm just so worn out. It's getting bad, especially since all the stress and freaking out is causing me to tear up my fingers again and good God, the bleeding is annoying. And it hurts like hell, but I can't stop. Not to mention how ugly it looks and disgusting.
On the plus, I get to toss a duet toss this weekend at the first show :) I'm nervous, really really nervous... I'm confident with my work and drill, but I'm the only flag with my shit together and so all of us look like shit as a whole because no one can do anything right on time. Bahhh. We just need some major cleaning...
xx Why Should We Be Blond And Blue-eyed Marz
Monday, February 14, 2011
Love Day
Soooo it's the big 2/14 and here's two romantic tunes that I take to heart <3
xx You're The Love Of My Life, You Know That I Will Never Leave Your Side Marz
xx You're The Love Of My Life, You Know That I Will Never Leave Your Side Marz
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Don't You Cry
So I crashed this afternoon and woke up before dinner feeling groggy and out of it. I woke up to an email from my economics teacher saying a lot of us were super behind and that we should be on unit 3 by now... and I'm still on 1. My fault, really, for blowing a lot of my PM off time on dumb things like shopping instead of working more diligently. So I got that shit to deal with.
Then there's my SAT scores. It finally sunk in that I got a 1640. Slightly above average. That's it... slightly above average. I guess I'm disappointed in myself, really. I did better than Jamie, but that's not saying much since I typically score higher than her on everything. I dunno, I'm just kinda bummed since it's nothing all that great. I mean, it's good, but I thought I could do a bit better. I know I'm no genius and wasn't expecting a 2400, but still...
Willie expects too much of me, I think. Our flag line consists of me as the only senior, a junior, a sophomore, and four freshmen. He (and the other flags) expect me to know all the flag work and while I'm pretty good at picking up work fast, I'm not Superman. Willie was cramming so much work and drill down our throats that yeah, it all started to blend together in my head and yeah, I faltered and drew blanks. I understand freshmen not knowing anything and that's fine, but Megan is an idiot and should be a bit more focused as a sophomore. At least Kelsey picks up fine... but she's been absent and so we must play catch up with her.
And then there's work... I've been spending so much of my free time working this past week at the flower shop and while that'll be a nice little paycheck, it's still not enough. Victor's manager wants me to come in and interview for hostessing, but I'm not sure if I can deal with the crazy hours in combination with my schedule as is. Plus he'd probably want me to quit Fish which I'm not totally opposed to, except that I need to be sure I have a job at OTB before I considered it. Better pay and more hours... is it worth it?
Not to mention all these projects I have in school and the whole Sarah bullshit... and the fact that dad still won't let me go to A-Kon is just really bringing me down.
I dunno. I'm just at that breaking point, that overworked and mentally dead phase. Everyone expects so much of me and bitches when I fail but you know what? I'm only one person and I can't do everything. I'm physically beat up from hours of practice and little sleep, internally miserable from living off of energy drinks and practically not eating at all this week, and mentally tired from everyone's bullshit. I need a vacation.
xx Sing With My Soul Before I Get Old Cause There May Be No Tomorrow Marz
xx
Then there's my SAT scores. It finally sunk in that I got a 1640. Slightly above average. That's it... slightly above average. I guess I'm disappointed in myself, really. I did better than Jamie, but that's not saying much since I typically score higher than her on everything. I dunno, I'm just kinda bummed since it's nothing all that great. I mean, it's good, but I thought I could do a bit better. I know I'm no genius and wasn't expecting a 2400, but still...
Willie expects too much of me, I think. Our flag line consists of me as the only senior, a junior, a sophomore, and four freshmen. He (and the other flags) expect me to know all the flag work and while I'm pretty good at picking up work fast, I'm not Superman. Willie was cramming so much work and drill down our throats that yeah, it all started to blend together in my head and yeah, I faltered and drew blanks. I understand freshmen not knowing anything and that's fine, but Megan is an idiot and should be a bit more focused as a sophomore. At least Kelsey picks up fine... but she's been absent and so we must play catch up with her.
And then there's work... I've been spending so much of my free time working this past week at the flower shop and while that'll be a nice little paycheck, it's still not enough. Victor's manager wants me to come in and interview for hostessing, but I'm not sure if I can deal with the crazy hours in combination with my schedule as is. Plus he'd probably want me to quit Fish which I'm not totally opposed to, except that I need to be sure I have a job at OTB before I considered it. Better pay and more hours... is it worth it?
Not to mention all these projects I have in school and the whole Sarah bullshit... and the fact that dad still won't let me go to A-Kon is just really bringing me down.
I dunno. I'm just at that breaking point, that overworked and mentally dead phase. Everyone expects so much of me and bitches when I fail but you know what? I'm only one person and I can't do everything. I'm physically beat up from hours of practice and little sleep, internally miserable from living off of energy drinks and practically not eating at all this week, and mentally tired from everyone's bullshit. I need a vacation.
xx Sing With My Soul Before I Get Old Cause There May Be No Tomorrow Marz
xx
I Swear When I Grow Up
I won't just buy you a rose,
I will buy the flower shop
And you will never be lonely
So I was at the flower shop at seven this morning to start working... and there was really no reason for me to be there today. I did all sorts of odd jobs like sweeping, making bows, unpacking vases, cleaning roses, making tulip pots, filing orders, taking orders, and running back and forth from the shop to the empty nail salon to stash the arrangements. It's fun, really... and so damn cool. I love being around all the flowers. I mean, I was carrying buckets and buckets of hundreds of roses around and it was so awesome. I especially love the empty nail salon now that it's all filled with arrangements to go out tomorrow... it's dark in there, and with all the flowers from floor to ceiling, it's so dreamy in there. Like some kind of dark, fragrant, cozy dwelling.
When you're sad
And no one knows it,
I'll send you black roses,
Ten black roses
Oh The Rasmus, you guys know how to reach right to my heart. Another wonderful flower themed song. Anyways. Today I have to work on my biome book since it's sort of due Tuesday... although since I won't be there Tuesday, I guess mine's due Wednesday. I bought some cute glittery cardstock to make my book out of and some more giant stickers to put on my wall above my desk. This one is red and says LOVE with swirls and shit. I liked it and it was only 49 cents, ha ha.
AND I GOT MY SAT SCORED IN FINALLY. I got a 1640... slightly above average. Oh well, I thought I would have done better. I scored highest on Reading, go figure, ha ha. Math and Writing were the same, which kind of surprised me. I got a five on the essay, which is good! At the end of the day, I'm just glad the bullshit is over and I've learned that writing a good, fluffy, bullshit letter can really save your ass sometimes.
Alright, biome book time. OMG the orange Monster is soooooo good. It's half juice and tastes soooo much better than regular Monster. I've been drinking a 24oz can since 8 AM this morning, and it still tastes good.
xx I Got Your Heart And You Got Mine, Woah, Marz
I will buy the flower shop
And you will never be lonely
So I was at the flower shop at seven this morning to start working... and there was really no reason for me to be there today. I did all sorts of odd jobs like sweeping, making bows, unpacking vases, cleaning roses, making tulip pots, filing orders, taking orders, and running back and forth from the shop to the empty nail salon to stash the arrangements. It's fun, really... and so damn cool. I love being around all the flowers. I mean, I was carrying buckets and buckets of hundreds of roses around and it was so awesome. I especially love the empty nail salon now that it's all filled with arrangements to go out tomorrow... it's dark in there, and with all the flowers from floor to ceiling, it's so dreamy in there. Like some kind of dark, fragrant, cozy dwelling.
When you're sad
And no one knows it,
I'll send you black roses,
Ten black roses
Oh The Rasmus, you guys know how to reach right to my heart. Another wonderful flower themed song. Anyways. Today I have to work on my biome book since it's sort of due Tuesday... although since I won't be there Tuesday, I guess mine's due Wednesday. I bought some cute glittery cardstock to make my book out of and some more giant stickers to put on my wall above my desk. This one is red and says LOVE with swirls and shit. I liked it and it was only 49 cents, ha ha.
AND I GOT MY SAT SCORED IN FINALLY. I got a 1640... slightly above average. Oh well, I thought I would have done better. I scored highest on Reading, go figure, ha ha. Math and Writing were the same, which kind of surprised me. I got a five on the essay, which is good! At the end of the day, I'm just glad the bullshit is over and I've learned that writing a good, fluffy, bullshit letter can really save your ass sometimes.
Alright, biome book time. OMG the orange Monster is soooooo good. It's half juice and tastes soooo much better than regular Monster. I've been drinking a 24oz can since 8 AM this morning, and it still tastes good.
xx I Got Your Heart And You Got Mine, Woah, Marz
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Kar Painting With Karl
Was mildly fun. In reality it was a huge sausage fest, and not the kind in Vienna with good pork sausage. Four guys and a girl taping cardboard to a BMW with weird rock and techno blaring from an amp and cans of Monster floating around... Weird night.
All in all, I painted a majestic wolf on the purple hood and they loved it. It was nice seeing his parents, too. They're really nice and super hospitable even to the exgirlfriend! Then those asshats all left me to go pick up some parts and I found myself alone in the garage, painting. It was weird... This is my ex's car, in his garage, at his house. After a few minutes his mom came out and showed me some pictures of a trip they took last summer and we kind of just hung out. It was oddly nice in a weird way because this is his mom, ha ha.
And you know what? I like Karl as a friend. He's cool to hang around. But as a boyfriend? Awful. We're nothing alike. And I'm actually terribly grateful he broke it off. It's like... I don't regret dating him, I just regret the time I could have been sharing with someone else.
I dunno, it was fun at the end of the night. Not my idea means of a Friday night, but I did help out friends and got to practice painting animals :) Tomorrow is the super long hellish practice from hell... Blehh kill me. So fast.
Xx Should Have Seen It Would Be This Way Marz
All in all, I painted a majestic wolf on the purple hood and they loved it. It was nice seeing his parents, too. They're really nice and super hospitable even to the exgirlfriend! Then those asshats all left me to go pick up some parts and I found myself alone in the garage, painting. It was weird... This is my ex's car, in his garage, at his house. After a few minutes his mom came out and showed me some pictures of a trip they took last summer and we kind of just hung out. It was oddly nice in a weird way because this is his mom, ha ha.
And you know what? I like Karl as a friend. He's cool to hang around. But as a boyfriend? Awful. We're nothing alike. And I'm actually terribly grateful he broke it off. It's like... I don't regret dating him, I just regret the time I could have been sharing with someone else.
I dunno, it was fun at the end of the night. Not my idea means of a Friday night, but I did help out friends and got to practice painting animals :) Tomorrow is the super long hellish practice from hell... Blehh kill me. So fast.
Xx Should Have Seen It Would Be This Way Marz
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Thursday, February 10, 2011
NIGHTWISH "IMAGINARIUM" OMG
http://nightwish.com/en/imaginarium
OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING.
OH MY GOD.
OOOOOH MYYYYY GOOOODDDDD.
NIGHTWISH MOVIE?!!?!?!?!?! BASED ON THE MIND OF TUOMAS?!?!?!
ANNDDDD DIRECTED BY THE GUY WHO MADE "THE ISLANDER" MUSIC VIDEO?!
*AND THE NEW ALBUM*
Holy shit. Hoooooollllyyyyyyyy shit. I kind of want to scream and die and dance all at the same time. I... won't be getting any sleep tonight.
xx OMG I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF SONG LYRICS TO USE Marz
OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING.
OH MY GOD.
OOOOOH MYYYYY GOOOODDDDD.
NIGHTWISH MOVIE?!!?!?!?!?! BASED ON THE MIND OF TUOMAS?!?!?!
ANNDDDD DIRECTED BY THE GUY WHO MADE "THE ISLANDER" MUSIC VIDEO?!
*AND THE NEW ALBUM*
Holy shit. Hoooooollllyyyyyyyy shit. I kind of want to scream and die and dance all at the same time. I... won't be getting any sleep tonight.
xx OMG I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF SONG LYRICS TO USE Marz
Oh, Now You Want Me?
I just got a call from Karl and not gonna lie, it shocked me. Apparently I'm going over to his house tomorrow to paint cardboard boxes for a car show? I swear, if his stupid friends are there, I might kill myself. This is funny, because we haven't said a word in a few weeks. I still hate the little asshole.
Guard was long and boring, ughhh. But we got shit done and hey, the week's almost over. I'm so tired and can feel a long night ahead of me... God damn English homework.
xx Seven Days To the Poison Marz
Guard was long and boring, ughhh. But we got shit done and hey, the week's almost over. I'm so tired and can feel a long night ahead of me... God damn English homework.
xx Seven Days To the Poison Marz
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Startling Realization
So Sunday... and a few other random days ago spanning back to last fall, I've come to realize that maybe I have another branch of synesthesia. After a few Google searches, I've come to find other people feeling the same things are also synesthetes so I'm probably not going crazy, ha ha. It's really kind of cool... THERE'S SO MANY COLORS!
Anyways, I sound like a crazy bitch. Whatevs. So I woke up to a text from Jamie and Heather saying that there was no school, huzzah! Glad I stayed up late working on that English poem after hours of guard... damn I was tired. I had a nice ham and cheese sandwich made my perfect way and that made my night. Seriously. If the meat isn't torn and placed right and if the cheese doesn't get any mayo, it's just a huge letdown.
Anywho, after 12 hours of sleep I woke up at noon and got my phone sort of fixed. I have to go get a new sim card that's more up to date with my phone... brutal. Now it works again, although on a much slower network. Well, 2G is better than no G at all. What the hell does the G even mean?!
Oh right, and Heather invited me to a Neiman Marcus prom fashion show in March! Even though I won't be purchasing any of the $500-$1000 dresses (And God, are they gorgeous!), it'll still be fun and hey, Heather said there might be freebies. Prom prom prom. Still haven't figured out a plan yet. Oh well, I'll think of something! I still got the time.
Time to go... I dunno. Eat.
xx Can't You See It's The Heartless Marz
Anyways, I sound like a crazy bitch. Whatevs. So I woke up to a text from Jamie and Heather saying that there was no school, huzzah! Glad I stayed up late working on that English poem after hours of guard... damn I was tired. I had a nice ham and cheese sandwich made my perfect way and that made my night. Seriously. If the meat isn't torn and placed right and if the cheese doesn't get any mayo, it's just a huge letdown.
Anywho, after 12 hours of sleep I woke up at noon and got my phone sort of fixed. I have to go get a new sim card that's more up to date with my phone... brutal. Now it works again, although on a much slower network. Well, 2G is better than no G at all. What the hell does the G even mean?!
Oh right, and Heather invited me to a Neiman Marcus prom fashion show in March! Even though I won't be purchasing any of the $500-$1000 dresses (And God, are they gorgeous!), it'll still be fun and hey, Heather said there might be freebies. Prom prom prom. Still haven't figured out a plan yet. Oh well, I'll think of something! I still got the time.
Time to go... I dunno. Eat.
xx Can't You See It's The Heartless Marz
GODDAMMIT DIMITRI
So I finished Blood Promise today and I was so happy for Rose when she got back to school and her mom and Lissa after her Russia quest... It was awesome until DIMITRI SENT HER HER STAKE AND A NOTE SAYING HE WAS COMING AFTER HER. Like goddammit Dimitri! I already mourned your loss twice and despite how much I love you, it's annoying when you keep coming back from the dead. You're lucky you're a beautiful badass...
I hate T-Mobile. I'll lose signal for a good while and it's especially bad at home of all places. Sooo unreliable and ridiculous, especially when I'm trying to speak to someone very important! I don't get why people think we send long messages to each other... We just like to use big words!
I had a lot of other things to write about, but I'm just too tired to think. I'm going to bed feeling loved, and that's the best thing ever.
Xx On The Coldest Winter Night Marz
I hate T-Mobile. I'll lose signal for a good while and it's especially bad at home of all places. Sooo unreliable and ridiculous, especially when I'm trying to speak to someone very important! I don't get why people think we send long messages to each other... We just like to use big words!
I had a lot of other things to write about, but I'm just too tired to think. I'm going to bed feeling loved, and that's the best thing ever.
Xx On The Coldest Winter Night Marz
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Monday, February 7, 2011
Well Then.
One, I'll never ask Sarah to print out papers for me.
Two, we have practice from 9-5 on Saturday, ughhhh. I wanted to get my hair done! Goddammit. It's gonna be a looooong day of staging our asses off. Oh well, the show must go on!
So turns out I woke up early and drove Shelley to school an hour early for her detention for nothing. She didn't have her detention slip, so they wouldn't let her in. FUHHHH. I really needed the sleep... I only got about three hours last night. Oh well, good karma.
OH I GOT MY EDGAR STICKER IN <333 Not gonna lie, it looks shitty in white, but now I can put my stickers on the car! I put The Rasmus on first and then cut Poe to fit snugly on top of The Rasmus, but ended up applying it kinda crooked. Oh well, now I like my car even more <3 I need a Nightwish sticker! And I still need to track down a gas station that has wiper fluid! Ugh, long day tomorrow, what with school, then some phone calls to make, then practice from 5-9.
On the plus, I'm working at the slower shop for Valentines Day! I go in on Thursday to learn how to answer the phone, fill out the computer program, and learn the basic arrangements and flowers and necessary stuff. I shouldn't recommend anything lest someone comes home with this for their beloved...
Black calla lillies, apparently black baccara roses (However, these are too light for me to consider them baccaras), and white freesia. See, I already know my flowers! What's wrong with black flowers? I love them... too bad there is no true black flower, only super deep purples and reds. I'd make a good florist! I learned a lot of things from mom.
Anyways, mom is also gonna let me skip school on Monday to work! That'll be some good money hopefully... I'll put it towards my prom dress. OH IDEA. Maybe if I save up a good chunk of money, I'll ask dad to go halfsies with me and I can get another Jovani or maybe even a Tony Bowls dress! I have designer tastes, what can I say...
xx I'll Set The Table, You Can Make The Fire Marz
Two, we have practice from 9-5 on Saturday, ughhhh. I wanted to get my hair done! Goddammit. It's gonna be a looooong day of staging our asses off. Oh well, the show must go on!
So turns out I woke up early and drove Shelley to school an hour early for her detention for nothing. She didn't have her detention slip, so they wouldn't let her in. FUHHHH. I really needed the sleep... I only got about three hours last night. Oh well, good karma.
OH I GOT MY EDGAR STICKER IN <333 Not gonna lie, it looks shitty in white, but now I can put my stickers on the car! I put The Rasmus on first and then cut Poe to fit snugly on top of The Rasmus, but ended up applying it kinda crooked. Oh well, now I like my car even more <3 I need a Nightwish sticker! And I still need to track down a gas station that has wiper fluid! Ugh, long day tomorrow, what with school, then some phone calls to make, then practice from 5-9.
On the plus, I'm working at the slower shop for Valentines Day! I go in on Thursday to learn how to answer the phone, fill out the computer program, and learn the basic arrangements and flowers and necessary stuff. I shouldn't recommend anything lest someone comes home with this for their beloved...
Black calla lillies, apparently black baccara roses (However, these are too light for me to consider them baccaras), and white freesia. See, I already know my flowers! What's wrong with black flowers? I love them... too bad there is no true black flower, only super deep purples and reds. I'd make a good florist! I learned a lot of things from mom.
Anyways, mom is also gonna let me skip school on Monday to work! That'll be some good money hopefully... I'll put it towards my prom dress. OH IDEA. Maybe if I save up a good chunk of money, I'll ask dad to go halfsies with me and I can get another Jovani or maybe even a Tony Bowls dress! I have designer tastes, what can I say...
xx I'll Set The Table, You Can Make The Fire Marz
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Six Day Weekend
And so tonight marks the last night of my epic six day weekend, thanks to the epic Ice/Snowpocalypse. Seriously, this was just the kind of mental health weekend I needed... It was full of painting, sleeping in, seeing friends, shopping, sleeping over, making crafts, pixel art, planning costumes, loving, puppy cuddling, and sweatpants. Oh my God, it was awesome! I wonder if she expected us to keep up with our Beowulf reading...
Oh hey, the Black Eyed Peas did a cool job at the halftime show! I liked it a lot, very futuristic and hey, I thought they sounded great live. It was kinda cool having Slash and Usher pop in to play... my parents are so lame, they don't know who anyone is. "Is that Carmen Electra?" No mom, it's Fergie. "Who's the clown with the guitar?" That's Slash, dad. Oh old people.
Damn, today was such a nice Sunday :) I could go for more like this, nice and relaxing and perfect! Now I'm sitting here listening to Nightwish and enjoying life. Seriously, "The Poet and the Pendulum" is soooooo epic. It's like a film score crammed into 14 minutes. I love love love the last bit, so delicate and sad. Very romantic, though, and so vivid in my head. In my mind, I've turned it into a film musical :) Just plug in a cable and project it on the wall! Ha ha, I need another Nightwish shirt, because three isn't enough. I NEED MOARRRRR.
I don't wanna go to school tomorrow, or deal with guard. Ugh, we have a whole show to learn in two weeks. I'm ready for more bruises and frustration, ahoy!
xx You Have Such Oceans Within, In The End I Will Always Love You Marz
Oh hey, the Black Eyed Peas did a cool job at the halftime show! I liked it a lot, very futuristic and hey, I thought they sounded great live. It was kinda cool having Slash and Usher pop in to play... my parents are so lame, they don't know who anyone is. "Is that Carmen Electra?" No mom, it's Fergie. "Who's the clown with the guitar?" That's Slash, dad. Oh old people.
Damn, today was such a nice Sunday :) I could go for more like this, nice and relaxing and perfect! Now I'm sitting here listening to Nightwish and enjoying life. Seriously, "The Poet and the Pendulum" is soooooo epic. It's like a film score crammed into 14 minutes. I love love love the last bit, so delicate and sad. Very romantic, though, and so vivid in my head. In my mind, I've turned it into a film musical :) Just plug in a cable and project it on the wall! Ha ha, I need another Nightwish shirt, because three isn't enough. I NEED MOARRRRR.
I don't wanna go to school tomorrow, or deal with guard. Ugh, we have a whole show to learn in two weeks. I'm ready for more bruises and frustration, ahoy!
xx You Have Such Oceans Within, In The End I Will Always Love You Marz
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Slushy Roads?!
So yesterday's majestic snow is quickly melting. I can already see patches of grass in some yards and I frequently hear plops and thuds of slush falling off the roof outside the office. From what I can see from the windows, the roads are still icy. Dad even went out to work and came home and said the roads still suck ass to drive on, and so I'm cooped up here tonight, much to my dismay D:
I really like this new band called Masterplan! They're a German power metal band, and remind me a lot of Kamelot <3 I like the sound, and I was surprised to see that the first album that I ripped off of Youtube came out in 2003! It makes sense, I guess, given that it has a bit of a more modern sound. Speaking of Kamelot, I still need to get the new album! I might rip it later if I have time to kill... Anyways, I approve of Masterplan :)
I actually pixeled last night! I did a new portrait of me on the base I made. I edited it a bit to look more like my face, despite it being a stylized caricature, obviously. I dunno, I like my shading style, but I want to really wow people with how I shade hair. What sucks is I'm working on my hair right now... and it sucks :P Doing hair on a DHF base isn't too bad cause it's relatively small, but on portrait base.... ughhhh. Ha ha, oh well, I'm a bamf and I'll make something awesome! I pixeled my blue and black print dress, so cute!
Dad's making me go outside and scrape snow off of Dean's car. What's the point?
xx Und Ich Hab Nichts Gesagt Marz
I really like this new band called Masterplan! They're a German power metal band, and remind me a lot of Kamelot <3 I like the sound, and I was surprised to see that the first album that I ripped off of Youtube came out in 2003! It makes sense, I guess, given that it has a bit of a more modern sound. Speaking of Kamelot, I still need to get the new album! I might rip it later if I have time to kill... Anyways, I approve of Masterplan :)
I actually pixeled last night! I did a new portrait of me on the base I made. I edited it a bit to look more like my face, despite it being a stylized caricature, obviously. I dunno, I like my shading style, but I want to really wow people with how I shade hair. What sucks is I'm working on my hair right now... and it sucks :P Doing hair on a DHF base isn't too bad cause it's relatively small, but on portrait base.... ughhhh. Ha ha, oh well, I'm a bamf and I'll make something awesome! I pixeled my blue and black print dress, so cute!
Dad's making me go outside and scrape snow off of Dean's car. What's the point?
xx Und Ich Hab Nichts Gesagt Marz
Friday, February 4, 2011
Navy?!
*Insert all of my ocean art here*
Why the hell am I so obsessed with navy lately? Clothes, art, music... It better not take over my beautiful black... The way I see it, navy is for girls to wear when they're too afraid of wearing black. Or they wear navy because Gilly Hicks doesn't carry anything black >.>
xx Heaven Queen Cover Me In All That Blue Marz
Ugh, Day Four.
Sooo it's Friday and day four of the epic ice/snowstorm of the country. Yesterday I woke up to a text from Heather saying "Victor, Jamie, and I are walking to your house." Sure enough, Victor showed up a few hours later and about an hour after that, Jamie and Heather showed up. I can't believe them... Jamie lives two minutes away from me, but Heather and Victor live a good 3 miles away from me in opposite directions and Hebron is like, the hilliest street in Carrollton!
Well after those asshats came inside, I went and got dressed so we could walk to the McDonalds by my house and eat 50 nuggets... oh God. Then we went to the mall because Heather and Jamie wanted to raid Gilly Hicks again. So we get to the mall and hit up Metropark, where I got an $80 dress for only $16, hell yeah! It's sooo unlike me, but I kinda liked it and hey, I like cheap expensive things! Then we went to Gilly Hicks and Heather and Jamie bought lots of cheap sweatpants... I regret not buying any, they look so soft and comfy and awesome :( I saw a cardigan--A FRAKING CARDIGAN--and actually kinda liked it... I liked the ruffles on the collar, ha ha. Victor bought it for me since I didn't want to get in trouble by using dad's card again, that was sweet of him.
Then we all went back to my house for dinner! Dad made sausage and peppers and it was sooo good. After that we partied upstairs, just kinda hanging out and goofing off until Victor had to go home. Jamie, Heather, and I stayed up late talking about no-ners, cosplays, how to deal with the convention problems, dirty madlibs, and more. Wow, we're awesome, I love my friends. A fun sleep over indeed.
Time to work on economics... blurghhhh. Can I play Sims instead?
xx Conscience Clear, I'm Still Standing Here Marz
Well after those asshats came inside, I went and got dressed so we could walk to the McDonalds by my house and eat 50 nuggets... oh God. Then we went to the mall because Heather and Jamie wanted to raid Gilly Hicks again. So we get to the mall and hit up Metropark, where I got an $80 dress for only $16, hell yeah! It's sooo unlike me, but I kinda liked it and hey, I like cheap expensive things! Then we went to Gilly Hicks and Heather and Jamie bought lots of cheap sweatpants... I regret not buying any, they look so soft and comfy and awesome :( I saw a cardigan--A FRAKING CARDIGAN--and actually kinda liked it... I liked the ruffles on the collar, ha ha. Victor bought it for me since I didn't want to get in trouble by using dad's card again, that was sweet of him.
Then we all went back to my house for dinner! Dad made sausage and peppers and it was sooo good. After that we partied upstairs, just kinda hanging out and goofing off until Victor had to go home. Jamie, Heather, and I stayed up late talking about no-ners, cosplays, how to deal with the convention problems, dirty madlibs, and more. Wow, we're awesome, I love my friends. A fun sleep over indeed.
Time to work on economics... blurghhhh. Can I play Sims instead?
xx Conscience Clear, I'm Still Standing Here Marz
The Piano
I finished The Piano today and... it's beautiful. It's actually a really amazing movie if you think about the message. Ada is deaf and mute and expresses herself through her music, but her husband doesn't like the music and Baines gets turned on by the music which is thus an extension of Ada and... it's just really cool to see how music and passion can intertwine. Plus I absolutely ADORE "The Heart Asks Pleasure First", and I'd definitely put it on my top five favorite pieces of music ever. Hmm, what would my top five be? In no order...
1. The Heart Asks Pleasure First - The Piano
2. Death Is The Road To Awe - The Fountain
3. The Royal Wedding - Ever After
4. Prologue - Beauty and the Beast
5. Find Your Way - FF8
Ok, so 4 of my 5 favorite pieces of music are film scores... but I can't help but feel that sensation of those notes and chords tearing away at my heart and just giving me this indescribable feeling. I feel sad, but hopeful. Tragic, but romantic. Dark, but aware. It's weird... it's like my inner artist calling out.
Uhhh, this blew my mind. Asians truly can do anything.
xx My Foolish Heart Made Me Believe Marz
1. The Heart Asks Pleasure First - The Piano
2. Death Is The Road To Awe - The Fountain
3. The Royal Wedding - Ever After
4. Prologue - Beauty and the Beast
5. Find Your Way - FF8
Ok, so 4 of my 5 favorite pieces of music are film scores... but I can't help but feel that sensation of those notes and chords tearing away at my heart and just giving me this indescribable feeling. I feel sad, but hopeful. Tragic, but romantic. Dark, but aware. It's weird... it's like my inner artist calling out.
Uhhh, this blew my mind. Asians truly can do anything.
xx My Foolish Heart Made Me Believe Marz
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Church House?!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6EszSG/grievousbodilycharm.com/2011/01/28/modern-new-home-in-old-stone-church/
I think this just might be my dream house. Not the ultra-modern style, but the fact that it's a church turned into a house... Those vaulted ceilings! Those arched doors! OH GOD, THOSE WINDOWS! It's amazing <3
xx Under The Rose Marz
I think this just might be my dream house. Not the ultra-modern style, but the fact that it's a church turned into a house... Those vaulted ceilings! Those arched doors! OH GOD, THOSE WINDOWS! It's amazing <3
xx Under The Rose Marz
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day Two Of The Ice Storm
And on day two, the ice was still encompassing all of Carrollton.
I woke up at 12:30ish and came downstairs to eat. After making a sandwich, I sat down and watched some Metalocalypse online and after a few chats on Facebook, proceeded to play another round of Sims. I made a new neighborhood and a new version of me and Emma, now named Kukka, for me to create a new world in. I wonder what I'll do with this one, since the other one had the House of Grey and that badass castle I built! Should I abandon the Ara Grey plot, or just create her as like, my BFF? I dunno.
I have to read Beowulf... I'll do it tomorrow, since there's also no school then.
I dunno, last night got me to thinking some more about the chain of events in my life and my future and things I did in the past and what they mean now. Just another philosophical life think. Lots of "What Ifs", too. What if I hadn't been such a dick to Karl? What if I'd have never dated Anthony? What if I'd never had gym class with Sonya? What if I gave up guard for art? What if, what if, what if. Then I look towards my future... what's that gonna be like? Will I ever make it to art school? Will I graduate college happy and with a good degree? Will I make bad choices?
I also feel sort of... pigeonholed. Trapped. On display, but behind the silver bars of the cage. Kind of locked away from the world. As Tuomas wrote, "A nightingale in a golden cage, that's me, locked inside reality's maze." It just came to mind... kind of fitting, but not really. I feel like maybe being pigeonholed might set me back, but then I look at myself and ask, isn't this what I always wanted?
xx Bring Me Home Or Leave Me Be Marz
I woke up at 12:30ish and came downstairs to eat. After making a sandwich, I sat down and watched some Metalocalypse online and after a few chats on Facebook, proceeded to play another round of Sims. I made a new neighborhood and a new version of me and Emma, now named Kukka, for me to create a new world in. I wonder what I'll do with this one, since the other one had the House of Grey and that badass castle I built! Should I abandon the Ara Grey plot, or just create her as like, my BFF? I dunno.
I have to read Beowulf... I'll do it tomorrow, since there's also no school then.
I dunno, last night got me to thinking some more about the chain of events in my life and my future and things I did in the past and what they mean now. Just another philosophical life think. Lots of "What Ifs", too. What if I hadn't been such a dick to Karl? What if I'd have never dated Anthony? What if I'd never had gym class with Sonya? What if I gave up guard for art? What if, what if, what if. Then I look towards my future... what's that gonna be like? Will I ever make it to art school? Will I graduate college happy and with a good degree? Will I make bad choices?
I also feel sort of... pigeonholed. Trapped. On display, but behind the silver bars of the cage. Kind of locked away from the world. As Tuomas wrote, "A nightingale in a golden cage, that's me, locked inside reality's maze." It just came to mind... kind of fitting, but not really. I feel like maybe being pigeonholed might set me back, but then I look at myself and ask, isn't this what I always wanted?
xx Bring Me Home Or Leave Me Be Marz
OMG SIMS 2
So I'm playing some Sims 2 right now... oh man this game rocks. I've been playing my house all night! In keeping with my traditional theme, I had to create a new boyfriend for my Sim because she can't live in that big house all by herself ;) I'd forgotten two things: one, that I already had a random guy in the house and two, I was pregnant.
Well I killed the random guy off fast and after some couch cuddling with my new love interest, a very badass male with long ass hair, my Sim ran out into the snow to give birth to... TWINS. UGHHHH. Twin girls, which I named Ivy and Raven after my cosplays... So now I'm running around trying to build a relationship and take care of two kids and I'm freaking out because I only have 13 days of adult life left and he's got a full 27... THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! I guess this makes me the old hag now? :P
Poor Witchdrums died, too :( My poor border collie... she made more money than any of my Sim boyfriends ever did!
Anywayyyyssss... enough talk about Sims. Today I finished my "Dream Within A Dream" painting and it looks nice :) I even started another piece, this one a painting of Poe's young wife/cousin Virginia Clemm as she spouts blood from her mouth at the piano, which was when she was showing signs of tuberculosis. Kind of morbid, but Mrs. K said I need to try focusing less on the stories and more on Poe's life. Kinda maybe yeah?
Something else... uhh... What else did I mean to talk about? I started watching "The Piano" and so far, I like it :) I paused it right before what I assume was the part when whatsherface is about to have scandalous sex with whatshistattooface so she can earn her piano back. I'll finish it tomorrow hopefully. I just love the main theme song "The Heart Asks Pleasure First"!
Oh, and Asshat Austin texted me after like, six months. I didn't recognize the name in my phone for some reason, I just stared at like "Who is 'Austin Is A Faggot'?" Ha ha, all the guys that wronged me in life have a name in my phone similar to that. Anyways. He wants to pick up from where we left off? Uhhh, no, we cannot and will not do that... but if I see you at school, maybe I'll walk past you without flipping you off, but that's it. Seriously.
Soemthing else... oh right! Anette opened her raffle to the fans today and I entered! I would totally LOVE to get any of the prizes, the dress, the kilt and shirt, the hoodie, or the ultra rare autographed poster! Maybe I'll get lucky again like I did for Jangsara's makeup giveaway? ;)
xx She Was Cooler Than Me, Way Cooler Than Me Marz
Well I killed the random guy off fast and after some couch cuddling with my new love interest, a very badass male with long ass hair, my Sim ran out into the snow to give birth to... TWINS. UGHHHH. Twin girls, which I named Ivy and Raven after my cosplays... So now I'm running around trying to build a relationship and take care of two kids and I'm freaking out because I only have 13 days of adult life left and he's got a full 27... THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! I guess this makes me the old hag now? :P
Poor Witchdrums died, too :( My poor border collie... she made more money than any of my Sim boyfriends ever did!
Anywayyyyssss... enough talk about Sims. Today I finished my "Dream Within A Dream" painting and it looks nice :) I even started another piece, this one a painting of Poe's young wife/cousin Virginia Clemm as she spouts blood from her mouth at the piano, which was when she was showing signs of tuberculosis. Kind of morbid, but Mrs. K said I need to try focusing less on the stories and more on Poe's life. Kinda maybe yeah?
Something else... uhh... What else did I mean to talk about? I started watching "The Piano" and so far, I like it :) I paused it right before what I assume was the part when whatsherface is about to have scandalous sex with whatshistattooface so she can earn her piano back. I'll finish it tomorrow hopefully. I just love the main theme song "The Heart Asks Pleasure First"!
Oh, and Asshat Austin texted me after like, six months. I didn't recognize the name in my phone for some reason, I just stared at like "Who is 'Austin Is A Faggot'?" Ha ha, all the guys that wronged me in life have a name in my phone similar to that. Anyways. He wants to pick up from where we left off? Uhhh, no, we cannot and will not do that... but if I see you at school, maybe I'll walk past you without flipping you off, but that's it. Seriously.
Soemthing else... oh right! Anette opened her raffle to the fans today and I entered! I would totally LOVE to get any of the prizes, the dress, the kilt and shirt, the hoodie, or the ultra rare autographed poster! Maybe I'll get lucky again like I did for Jangsara's makeup giveaway? ;)
xx She Was Cooler Than Me, Way Cooler Than Me Marz
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