Last Night In My Own Bed

For six weeks.

I need to get to sleep, but I'm too awake. It's been a pretty shitty day of laying in bed and getting over whatever sick I caught. Last night was too brutal... ugh. Throwing up is bad enough and worse when you're throwing up fish. Sooooo gross. And then the chills and the fever and the headaches... Not fun. Not to mention I had to cancel all of my plans for today. No big deal, I'll just wake up nice and early tomorrow...

I'm nearly packed, which is good. Just a few oddball things to print out and shove in my bag tomorrow. Oh man, tomorrow's really it. No more bed, no more bunnies, no more Lita and Emma, and no more Dr Pepper. No more home cooked food, no more driving, and no more costuming. Worst of all, I'll spend every day missing my favorite person and it'll drive me crazy.

I don't know, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but I'm also not dreading it. We'll see, tomorrow's the start of a new adventure.


And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll find Jim Sturgess there and he'll sing for me.

xx Take A Sad Song And Make It Better Marz

GTFO Your High Horse

Just because you did soooo much work doesn't mean you own the show. It's annoying. What do you think this is, one giant contest? Because it's not. You don't need to be trying to one up me on everything. It's not funny or cute, and no one likes a bitch. You're just lucky I'm too passive to say anything.

On a much different and equally cryptic note, you can't say that. That's the one thing that catches my attention. I can only equate it to an exhale with nearly closed eyes.

Shit. Can I just go to Italy already?

xx Because The Sky Is Blue Marz

Dallas Comic Con!

Woooo! Me and the crew went to Dallas Comic Con today! It was pretty fun, but Jesus all I wanted to do was look for shit to buy. But noooooo, we get swarmed with people wanting pictures every two steps. Seriously, I want some me space too :P But it was fun overall. We saw Adam West and Burt Ward's panel, which was funny. Ben was there, which was awesome! Good times, but now my feet are killing me. At least at the hotel cons we can go upstairs and relax ;P

Last night I sewed my sash and my cape and started on the pauldron, but it's gonna be a huge bitch to sew, so hello hot glue gun. I ALMOST messed up on the cape, but magically I ended up doing it right after all and now have a beautiful one armed cape :P Sooo exciting! I really need to make the hood.

What else... not much I guess, just been unpacking and repacking and getting shit together for Eetaly. And London. CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE LONDON! I should watch Sweeney to prepare for the trip. I'll watch that, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, all the Harry Potter movies, and... I think that's all the movies I have that deal with London. Hmm.



TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK.

xx I Have Sailed The World Marz

Wonderful Wednesdays

Mmmm, today was a nice day. Not only did I sleep in, but I had an awesome afternoon with my best friends and then with my favorite guy. We went and saw The Avengers and then got some awesome Qdoba after. And I mean awesome. I don't know what was better, Thor or my burrito. Oh God, his deep golden voice, leather covered body, and unkempt, but touchable hair... mucho gusta. I see a female Thor costume in my future when I run out of ideas...

Man, I want to do things, but I'm one item short. I want to start my contour drawings, but I need a sketchbook. I want to work on my pauldron, but I need more fabric. I guess I could unpack or read, probably read, ha ha. Looks like my night's been made for me, Skype and Sonic it is! And bunny cuddles and Medici readings. And lemon bars. But I really just want some cuddles and more man time.

xx So Many Lonely Roads Marz

Con Problems

Well, it seems my life is moving in two week increments. So I get back from Italy, and two weeks later we go to Jersey for a week, week and a half or something like that. Then two weeks later, it's San Japan in San Antonio. And two weeks after that, it's A-Fest in Dallas.

And at this point, I don't think I can go to either.

If not for going to the shore, I could probably find a job sooner. And it's gonna be a bitch to find a job between coming back from the shore and San Japan, because I'll also be moving to Denton then. As it stands, there is no way I could afford to go to both. Probably not even one. For each con, it's going to be $50 for a badge and at least another $80-130 for my share of the room, and if we go to San Antonio, gotta pitch in for gas money. It's just not possible. That's really awesome Heather that you're gonna take pictures with Crystal because she's bringing Jinx to San Japan and you plan on going to both cons, but I want to know where you're getting all this money from when you don't have a job, either.

I dunno, it's bumming me out because I'm putting so much time and effort into my assassin costume and con weekends are the things I look forward to most out of the year. Like I'm genuinely down about this. I'd love to be able to go to San Japan, but it's not in the cards. No cons seem to be in the cards this year, unless I get reaaallll lucky. Sorry assassin costume, you'll see the light of day next year.

In other news, I looked at three of my four grades.

xx He Sets The Sails One Last Time Saying Farewell To The World Marz

Uh Oh, New NW Merch :)

          
So Nightwish updated their shop! Lots of new shirts and a few older ones are on sale, like the second one up there. I looove that one! The first one is new and really neat, and has writing on the back. The third one is from the same time as the first one, and also has stuff on the back. Me gusta. There's some cool girlie ones I like, and a lot of them are on sale! If not for Italy, I'd buy me some new Nightwish swagggg. Especially the Master Passion Greed towel. I'd use the shit out of that.

xx In These Cruel Children's Games Marz

ALWAYS GOOD TO BE BACK HOME AGAIN

Well I'm sitting in the office on the big Mac and to my right is a massive pile of my dorm shit. It still feels weird to be back home, but kind of nice at the same time. It was a long day, and quite frankly I don't want to think about today, or yesterday, or the day before that. It's just been a long mess of days, and I'm glad it's over.

I'm gonna sleep goooooood tonight. Hopefully.

xx And Then While I'm Away I'll Write Home Every Day Marz

Last Night In My Dorm

So I'm laying in bed and it's the last night I'll ever sleep in the dorm. Goodbye my comfy Jersey cotton sheets and foamy mattress topper. This bed is so comfy.

Well I had an interesting day. Woke up, cleaned, packed, had mom come get some boxen, got book making supplies with Ethan and Tam, then came back to go to the lab to print. Somehow I spent six hours in the art building either printing or cutting or dealing with the demon stapler. And then after six hours of working with Tam, I went and worked with Eric for three more hours. I made my book while he cut paper, but my book looks like shit because of the shiny black I used and the stupid white glue. Seriously. I need a glue somewhere in between hot glue and white glue... oh wait, Mod Podge. Sure.

Luckily I'm really good at coming up with crazy solutions to problems, which I find very handy in times like these. Unfortunately I told Eric to cut off too much selvage, so unless we do a realllllllll simple spine, it's gonna have to be the book like I did. More shit to do tomorrow that I didn't plan for! I'm stressing out about nothing really... I do have time, especially now that it's crunch time.

I'm just ready to go home and not do annnnything. Love on my bunny and my puppy. Sleep. Play Sims. Play Minecraft. Draw. Paint. Sandwiches. Boyfriend. Big bed. Real food. Cable. Life.

xx All You Need Is Love Marz

First Mistake Of Com Design

Don't ever throw out your sketches until you truly are finished with the classes. Oh my God. I can't believe I held onto them for all these weeks, then decided to throw them out three days before I needed them.

And thus, today has been a rough and shitty day. I just wasn't myself. EVERYONE was bothering me, texting me, calling me, knocking on my door... it was a nightmare. I freaked myself out and just couldn't think. It's still not over, ugh. And then Dorothy bothered me about the lease AGAIN. Look, it's not that I'm avoiding it, but that I have fifty million other things going on that are a little bit more important than a house that we're not even dealing with for three more months. And she knows I don't leave campus except to go home. I'm real glad that she just took the easy way out of college, but I'm over here trying to stay on track. We all have to make sacrifices for what we want and what we need, and I'd rather sacrifice pleasure for success and to know that I'll be well off in life.

I'm just ready to go home. I don't want to think about anything, or do anything. I want to paint, I want to draw. I want to play Minecraft and Sims and cuddle my bunny. As Mr. Sealy used to say, we need a few days to reorganize our lives. He used to say that after shows and contests, and it makes more sense now than it ever did then. I'm tired of living in a half packed room, dodging boxes and bags and staring at blank walls. I need color, I need inspiring things, and I need space.

When I'm stressed, I like to listen to acoustic things, or piano things, or just calm, pretty things. I watched a lot of videos of Anette singing parts two and four of "Poet and the Pendulum", which always makes my heart melt. And there's always "The Islander", and you can't go wrong with golden Marco voice playing golden Marco acoustic. And then another recent fave:



It's so pretty. Their voices mix like ham and cheese.

xx Who Tied My Hands To The Wheel Marz

The Week Is Starting And Ending

It's funny how all my entries are a day behind because I blog so late at night. Today was a great day filled with packing and being with friends, and I couldn't have asked for cooler people to have met in college. Seriously, I never had nerd friends before this year. Which then made me wonder, does that make me a nerd, too? Questions questions.

I'm gonna miss the late night studio chats, the studio movie parties, making fun of Tam, Whataburger with Sloan, bitching about layouts with Eric, punching Gina in the boob, making awkward sex jokes with Ethan, hounding Casey to buy me dinner, talking about comics with Luis, listening to Dylan bitch about Sloan, eating at Maple with Hailey, life chats with Ellen, and napping with Dorothy. Those are my friends! I'm gonna miss them all.

I dunno, it's just depressing to see my room half packed. My dresser is empty, my desk is empty, my cabinet is empty, and my shelves are empty except for the delicates that go on top. My closet should fit in my suitcases, and then whatever is left will go in the big box. Last to pack really is my computer and fridge, then I'm out! Oh it's so scary. I'm running out of time. It's like, I want to move out and back to my normal life, but I love the life I have here, where it's like a giant house that all of my friends live in with me.

But then I thought about living alone. Will I ever get the chance? How long will we rent that house together? Part of me really wants to live alone, but the other part of me would feel bad. I like being on my own, it suits me.

And then I realized everyone's still wrong. I've done it once and I'll do it again, only this time the results won't be as horrible as last time. I can account only for my actions and my generally good judgement.

xx Mother Superior Jumped The Gun Marz

Everyone Needs To Get Off My Jock

Seriously. I don't want to hear you all telling me what to do, or what's good for me, or where I stand in life. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do, and unless it's directly bothering you, step off. For real. You know, I can't help some things in the world, but I'm not a dumbass and I do things because they work for me. Focus on yourselves. Jeez.

Back to packing.

xx Neath The Halo Of A Street Lamp Marz

No Wedding This Year

Well that's a bummer, dad told me I wasn't going to Susan's wedding in October unless I paid for it myself. Really? So it's ok to drag me to all of those other stupid cousin weddings (I didn't even know those cousins!), but when it comes to a cousin I actually like who ASKED ME to do her wedding makeup, I'm on my own? That's weird. Looks like I'm not going, then. I haven't been to a wedding since Annie's, and that was four years ago. I just want to get pretty and dress up D: I LOVE WEDDINGS.

Speaking of, Wedding Sunday was weak today. Then again, I also missed most of it. It was a pretty lazy day really, in which I attempted to do layouts but ended up just chatting with friends on Facebook and derping around on the interwebs. And I cuddled my bunny :D She's so cute and fat. My room is kind of a wreck, but hey, at least it's getting clean! And I'm sitting in my dorm room now, soaking up the last few days of this freshmen wreck. And I mean, WRECK. I might go downstairs and get boxes from my car and start packing just cause I don't have anything to do right now.

Pandora has blessed me with good music.




xx Brave The Day Marz

AND TODAY, I ASSASSIN.

Oh God, today was a great day. I woke up and started looking up blade tutorials, thinking maaaaaybe dad might help me start the project. Well instead of doing that, I went and had traditional geisha lunch at Qdoba with Victor and Heather. After that, we went to Walmart, Michaels, and the cool fabric store down by where I get my hair did. Today I bought black cord and beads for my Ezio necklace and rivets, fun foam, and this beaaaauuuuutttiiiifffulllll pleather Heather found. We were looking on one aisle of leathers, and she wandered off to a second one and as soon as I saw it, I fell in love. It was perfect for a female assassin and it matches my boots pretty damn spot on! I love love love love LOVE that pleather!

All I need to do to finish the vambrace is to attach belts to the underside and sculpt the metal things on it. Ideally, the blade will fit snugly underneath and the belts can adjust for it whether or not I end up making it or not. Ha ha, when I was making the vambrace, I was like, Jesus, this thing is tiny. And then I remembered I'm a tiny person and this will be funny looking. But my belt buckle is coming along nicely and I just have to add on the details, paint over the gold on the gem's sticker, and slap some belts on it! DONE!

I felt so accomplished today. I really love crafting, and I got to play with all new things today! Prop making is really fun, and after I finish my assassin costume, I'll start Lady Subaru's wings. MORE PROPS. Sewing's cool, but crafting is better! And then after dinner, I washed my car and damn, that's one pretty looking Honda. It's all the under tree parking I do that rapes the car :/ After that, Shake's with dad and then home to get crafty! And after I ran out of things to craft, I came up and started cleaning out drawers. I cleaned out one junk drawer and reorganized two red drawers. It feels good! Getting shit together feels so good.

I found some interesting artifacts, though. I used to write down cute texts I loved from various flirting boys back in the day, thinking that I'd always have those sweet words forever. Lolololoolololl, boys last about as long as I could finish a book. But those notes don't mean a thing anymore. I've burned some of them over time in a fit of teen angst, but now who cares. I was young, and I wanted a lot more than I would have ever been able to have. I was fed so many lies and went along with things so much longer than I should have. I guess that's always been my downfall, where I'd let my heart go way faster than my head.

Blehhh. Time for bed, I think. I'm tired of cleaning things out.

xx I'll Pretend That I'm Kissing The Lips I Am Missing Marz

Friday Night At Home

Got that Mot Fjerne Land playing, and I'm in bed. Nothing going on, no one to chat with, and just doing some thinking. Oop, now it's Apocalyptica.

I dunno, my head's been a mess of things lately. There's been so much on my mind about everything and everyone and all the things I do or did. I feel guilt, I feel happy, I feel embarrassed, I feel loved, I feel stressed, I feel tired. I wish I could stop thinking all together and just let it all go. Like tonight, Heather and I were supposed to go to the drag show, but we didn't, so I changed into my sweats and decided to paint my belt buckle. Oh God, was that good. I was watching Across The Universe while I did it, and it's been so long since I've seen that that I couldn't even remember which song came next. But then once the song started, I could remember every beat and every camera angle. It's another one of those movies that takes me away.

I dunno, I just feel off. I'm not completely happy, but I'm not really all that down. I'm just mellow, just living day to day and recovering from whatever the last few weeks have been. Things are different now, and I'm not convinced it's all my doing. The universe likes to play games sometimes. Maybe I just made a few bad choices and stayed up a few nights too late. Maybe I shouldn't have distracted myself so much. And there it is, a great big piece of impending doom swaying over my head. Except it's bigger than Damocles' sword or Poe's pendulum ever could have been.

Maybe I just need to start my pills and feel better again.

xx Now I Find I've Changed My Mind And Opened Up The Doors Marz

Karma, Love Me?

So lately I've been going out of my way to do things for people. I've saves so many asses in the past few weeks that it's ridiculous. I'm not doing it to do it, but I just happen to be in the right place at the right time and being able to help people makes me happy. It's been a big positive piece of my life in the last few weeks, as something that inspires me and makes me want to stay awake another hour or two. Not to sound like my dad, but I'm sure these people would help me back if I needed it, too.

Let's see... the last few nights were categorized by 3-4 hours of sleep per night, and maybe 3 hour naps a day, if I have time. I can't wait to sleep for maybe six or eight hours and just roll around in bed. Two classes down, two more to go tomorrow and then I get to spend a few days with my favorite person :) Then more packing and moving out.

So I've been listening to my Nightwish station on Pandora the last week or so, and it's AMAZING. Xandria, Therion, Elis, Krypteria, Leaves Eyes, Apocalyptica, Kamelot, Nightwish, Blackmore's Night, Dark Moor, Nox Arcana, and more play pretty things for me. Like I want to go buy albums from all these bands, or at least, ones I don't have. Oh God, best station ever.

Imagine you've been wearing the same pair of shoes for years now. They look good, they're comfy, they match everything, and they're soooo easy to put on. And then you pass by that window in the mall and see a weird new pair that you can't tell if you like or not. And while you're considering those new shoes, you're still wearing the old ones. You couldn't part with your awesome shoes. Besides, those new ones will just take up space on the floor. You walk on.

xx So Far Away From Home Marz