I Thought I Was Done With This Shit!

But apparently the gods love to play pranks on me and remind me just again where my place in life is. I tell myself that it all hurts and is unfair, but then I stop and realize how ridiculous I sound.

This. Should. Not. Be. Bothering. Me. So. Much.

Part of me says it's okay, because I get what I want in the end. Kind of? Do I want that? There's a whole nother issue in itself... or do I want it because I can't have it? OR! Do I want it because someone else has it? I don't know. I feel like it's more towards the latter because it used to not bug me so much. But now the question... what the hell am I going to do to end this? Surely the signs on my part have to be apparent. If not, then shit. Waste of my effort.

xx Ever Felt Away With Me, My Love It Lies So Deep Marz

Anette :(

Why did you have to go.

God she is so pretty. I love you and miss you everyday! 

xx Goodnight Kiss For A Child In Time Marz

Homework Done Before Midnight

Actually, it was done before ten. Oh man, did it feel so good!

This weekend was just the weekend I wanted and needed. No work, lots of loving, lots of lounging, and plenty of SLEEP. The only thing that worries be about nights that I get so much sleep is that I wake up more often. The waking up part doesn't bug me, it's the fact that I change dreams everytime I fall back asleep and my head is into some weird shit. I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart... Why. Why brain. Stop making this harder than it needs to be.

I guess there's really only a month and what, three weeks left of school left? Crazy how fast it's going. It'll be over before I know it! On God, Christmas break and weeks of playing Minecraft and AC3. Weeeeeeeks of it. So much sleep and laziness.

I was so surprised to see that Anette started writing in her blog again so soon! Nothing about Nightwish, but looooots of stuff about bullying, fashion, and the forest. I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT NIGHTWISH. ANETTE. COME ON AND LOVE ME.

xx Trust Me, You Are The One Marz

I SAW NIGHTWISH

Oh. My. God. I can't believe I actually saw my beautiful Finnish gods live... in person... so close to them...

Quite frankly, I think it was worth driving to Austin after all the bullshit bad luck I've been having. Besides, I never get to have a Nightwish/Kamelot sing a long because no one I know but Kyle likes them. The drive was perfectly timed and the show was incredible. Kamelot was fantastic, but I was hoping for a better setlist. I imagined they'd play either Soul Society, When the Lights Are Down, or Center of the Universe, but nope, none of those. The new singer was real damn good! He sounds a lot like Roy already, and packs incredible talent. Not to mention how awesome the Kamelot chick singers are!

And then... Oh sweet Odin. NIGHTWISH CAME OUT. I wish they didn't start with Storytime only because I really don't like how Floor sings it. She did fine on all the other songs, but I just don't like her voice with Storytime. Emppu was right in front of us and he is the funniest guy up there, making faces and doing silly little things. But sometimes Marco would switch places with him... OH SWEET ODIN MY MARCO. He grabbed his crotch and shook it at Emppu. HIS CROTCH. HE WANTED US TO LOOK AT THE MAGNIFICENCE THAT IS PURE FINNISH GOD. I never stopped smiling. And then at one point, he pointed his guitar at me and smiled. AT ME. MARCO KNOWS I EXIST. I almost died.

It was just so hard to believe that they were really there. That Tuomas was there, that Marco and Emppu were running around the stage, that Troy was sitting there busting those pipes out, and that Jukka was rocking out in the back with some insane amount of energy. I could care less about Floor honestly. If it was Anette, my mind would have been double blown to see my idol standing there and singing with the most beautifully dynamic voice I know.

But when I saw them bring out chairs and Marco's black guitar, I LOST MY MIND. HE WAS SINGING THE ISLANDER. He sang it in a way I've never heard before... it was soft and almost whispered. Not hearty like he normally sings it, but this time is was something velvety and soft that I just wanted to wrap up in and live there forever. God his voice is incredible. So I lost my mind for that song, and I knew they'd end with Last Ride Of The Day, which is another one of my favorites. I liked that they played Ever Dream and acoustic Nemo, too. Story of Myself was nice too, but it's Anette's passion in it that makes it perfect for me. Sorry Floor.

Overall, it was literally one of the most incredible and unbelievable nights of my life. So much magic and passion to listen to. I hope to never forget it.

xx Walk The Dark Path, Sleep With Angels Marz

A Proper Name

It's like I get into these weird mindsets where I dive deeply into something that isn't the real world. It happens all the time while I drive, which is pretty scary. It's not like a blackout, just just like someone came in and redesigned the movie set that is my mind and I'm just so deeply focused on it that I forget what's going on around me.

When I work, I go into the tunnel vision, but it's all brooding and warped. Maybe it's the music, or maybe something else, but I imagine myself locked up in a tower working my hands away with Nox Arcana in the background. Weird shit.

I bought a lot of patterns today. SEWING FOREVER.

xx Dead In A Dream For True Love's First Kiss Marz

Eliza Doolittle

Must have felt like this after the ball. Things are too coincidental sometimes... like tonight. And ironically enough, we learned about coincidence versus premonition tonight! Cool shit.

So there was the vision, then the action. The preparation, the journey. The greeting, the stab in the face. Then the warm breeze. Then the fur stole. I'm starting to see what's going on in my head. Good plot for a book!

xx I Understand Dear, It's All Been Grand Dear Marz

Inspired By Ellen

I'm going to write a story called "The Couple That Wasn't Supposed To Be" and Ellen will the the fairy godmother in the story and it's going to be amazing. I love the ideas we come up with in the house between everyone's guy drama... very me gusta. It's almost as good as my idea to turn the hallway into a bowling alley. It needs to happen. Too many good ideas and not enough time... bahhh. Story of my life. If I got a dollar for every time I said that, I might have enough money to not have to go to school.

xx No Backward Glances Marz

That Awkward Moment When...

...you have the same hairdo as your husband.



One thing I really don't like about Beauty and the Beast 2, and even the first movie, is that you can't really gauge the exact time era. Cogsworth makes the statement about the castle's inverted vaulted ceilings being from the neoclassical baroque period, but I'm not so sure. It's like, the fashion of the court looks more rococo than baroque. It's definitely not revolution era, and it's too simple to be baroque, so I'm placing it in rococo era fashion, but a very simplified rococo. Hmmm. This will bug me.

One more reason why I love my boys:

Well, that's that. It's all fun and games until it's time to prioritize.

xx Don't Fall In Love Marz

ANETTE GONE FROM NIGHTWISH

I almost couldn't believe it when I read the words during class this morning. Anette... splitting up with Nightwish?! What?! So many thoughts going through my head... I can't believe she's gone. I think it had to do with her health though, since she was in the ER a few nights ago when they were in the western states and they found a cyst on her liver. I dunno, the press statement made by the band makes it sound like the two parties have separate agendas, but Anette made it sound like her health was taking over. And then I saw that comment she made about how she was angry about not being informed that they replaced her with Kamelot's female vocalists while she was in the ER. Well, the show must go on, and I commend Nightwish for finding replacements, but she really should have been notified. At the same time, I've heard Tuomas is a bitch to work with...

I just can't believe it. Ever since I missed them playing in Dallas five years ago, I made it my goal to see her and the band live one day. This was supposed to be it... I love Anette. She's practically been my idol everyday since I was a freshman in high school. I dyed my hair purple because it looked good on her. I took more consideration into my wardrobe because of her style and followed her looks as often as she would post them on her blog, which she has now ceased writing in. I can't even sing, but you know what? She inspired me to try. She had such a good heart and always worked hard to overcome the challenge of being Tarja's replacement. She always preached kindness to others and respect for nature and the world we live in. She is the most beautiful person inside and out that I know, and I'm so deeply crushed to face the fact that she's not a part of Nightwish anymore. The rest of the day will be nothing but Dark Passion Play, Imaginaerum, and the few songs I have of her singing Tarja songs.