New Shoes

I remember many months ago when I blogged about the notion of walking in the mall and seeing a pair of shoes in the window. About how those shoes are gorgeous and expensive and would look so awesome with that one dress, and how much you want them. But then you ask yourself, why do I want these? I already have my favorite pair of shoes that I wear with that dress. Is it worth the cost of buying them? Is vanity worth it? Vanity, greed... it's all the same.

What I'm trying to say is I don't know what I want in life, and it's consuming me.

xx When You Hold Me Marz

Shit's Due

Shit's due shit's due shit's due in less than eight hours... oh god, so much to do. I just want to sleep. I'm stressing out and eating Pocky and drinking coffee. I just can't focus here... I need to leave. My dumbasses are being loud, and I can't play music or else I'll wake up the sleeping bear. Oh God.

xx The Show Must Go On Marz

The Last Few Days

Have passed in a blur. I haven't slept much, I've skipped eating, I've consumed many cans of orange Monster, and... what is my life.

It's strange, really. The way it all began; so uncertain and with one goal in mind. Work work work. Day one was killer, but the night really took me by surprise, since it was the latest I've stayed up in years. And when I woke up the next morning, I felt odd. What is my life, what am I doing here... Then the circle began again for the next two days. By day three, I felt like Danielle... which worried me.

There's nothing wrong with feeling like her. She's a wonderful person with bright ideals and burning romanticism, but something changed and I knew exactly what she meant when she cried in the ruins. Immediately I transformed from Danielle to Mort... It bothers me how my mind works sometimes.

And then there was that damn movie.

xx You Crazy Fool, I Won't Give Into You Marz

Oh Blog.

Oh how I've missed talking to you in my busy life the last few months. What with a new job and school and cons going on, I haven't had the time for you.

Although a strange thought crossed my mind. Is the sake of convenience worth it? Why are there so many greys in between black and white? Why do I find extreme joy in the idea, but with underlying awkwardness? What if I'm just overthinking it. Maybe I shouldn't have left, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I wanted it. Some friends are out to screw you over, but some aren't all that bad afterall.

xx So How Could I Dance With Another Marz

This Whole House

Oh my God. This whole house situation is absolutely disgusting. I just want to be in my house and happy and ready for school.

I WAAAAAS in a mood to write, or to paint or draw, but now I'm not. Noooope. Balls. All I can do is listen to the ending of Poet and the Pendulum a million times and get lost in Annette's passion.



Maybe I'm back in the mood to draw at the computer, like I used to when I was younger and had a million sheets of paper with doodles, hex color codes, websites, and blurbs. Fuhhh.

xx In The End I Will Always Love You Marz

German Johnny Depp

Seriously, this guy is like a German Johnny Depp.  And then I noticed he had a Jack Sparrow poster in the background. What's that line Johnny said, something like if you're in love with someone, and someone else comes along and you have to choose between the new one or the old one, choose the new one because he had something first one didn't. It's kind of weird, but makes sense. Well done. Mr Depp.

So, I found an Ikea closet on Craigslist! I feel so productive, and I'm glad I looked. I saw lots of pretty vintage and antique wardrobes, but nothing in my price range. I'm looking forward to paychecks, though! I know exactly what I want to do with my money, too. 30% of each paycheck is going into savings so I can save up for a new laptop. A NEW laptop! I've never had one! I want a new one before junior year, so here's hoping I meet my goal! I'm not gonna be overly frivolous, but there are books I've been eyeing on Amazon for months.

xx She Was The Sun Shining Upon The The Tomb Marz

THIS SONG

It came on Pandora and I can't stop listening to it. It's just sooooo pretty. I think someone on Youtube called it goth dancing music? Whatever ;P It's so pretty. Her voice is gorrrrrgeous.

Well it's August 1 (2nd now, I guess, on eastern time) and my stomach knows that it's time. I had my first God awful stomach cave in tonight and was ready to die. Now we'll see how long it takes to subside. I seriously need to go get more stomach meds, since what I have are only samples. I guess I'll go see Dr. Case so she can get me those meds, check my bloodz for anemia, and fix my foot, cause I'm sick of the pain. It's ollllld now.

It just sucks being in this agonizing pain. I wish I was blowing it out of proportion, but I'm not. It's like, I can feel all the acid in my esophagus just bubbling, so it's like I have to perpetually throw up, in addition to my entire abdomen turning and burning and imploding on itself. This vacation is horseshit now. Someone trade stomachs with me, please.

xx LIKE A ROSE ON THE GRAVE OF LOOOOVE Marz