Hello Blogger, My Old Friend

I've come to talk to you again, because a bad mood softly creeping left its funk while I was almost sleeping...

Nah but for real blog, hey. You're like a sweatshirt that's at the bottom of the pile, but still smells clean. You're like a five year old that remembers everything. Like the perfect, most nonjudgmental friend. I guess I haven't been keeping up with you because I've been seeking happy nights to happy days.... nah, this isn't Shakespeare. If it was, I'd probably be coming close to the end of my time.

A blog, diary, journal, whatever, is a special place where I like to write in when I'm completely alone and don't have the anxiety of someone asking me what I'm typing. This guy has been here for me so often... It's funny, because while I'm typing this, I'm sitting on the floor of my old bedroom, exactly where my bed used to be about five or six years ago and exactly where I'd be blogging. Things kind of feel the same... the same posters, a few pieces of the same furniture, and that goddamn Christmas tree.

I don't know what I'm getting at. I guess I feel flat and empty, kind of hopeless, kind of dreading something, a weird burning hole in my stomach, comfort eating, lack of desire to talk to anyone... nothing new. Like I know I've been cycling pretty rapidly the last few weeks, but DAMN. I'm ready for a break back to a few weeks of things being generally good. More on the middle-up side of the scale. Not this crappy shit end of the scale.

What are my character flaws? I'm jealous and selfish, an attention-seeker, a praise-seeker, lazy and inverted, snarky, bitter, silently critical, constantly questioning, general disdain for anyone appearing overly cheerful.

I need to paint now. I've been needing to paint since about 11. What a familiar setting: my bedroom, and a painting of a stormy ocean with a girl on a rock. It's comfortable, easy to relate to, and not totally provocative. Time to dig deep into the blue memory, where sirens resound, to be tucked in beneath the blue, the pain, beneath the rain.

xx Lonely Soul, Ocean Soul Marz